Whining, Dying, and Weight

I just read some of my previous blog entries...OMG! I needed someone to take the whine away from me. Good thing I came to my senses and finally heard someone say 'Last call.' No more whine for me*. Oh yeah plus, I'm really shitty in the grammar department. I give you no guarantees that my grammar will improve. Sorry.

Update: I am not dying, my world did not end, none of my major organs failed, so no need to send flowers. I did have a hysterectomy which seemed to clear everything up. And you know what? The best part is I don't have any more monthly inconveniences but I still get to enjoy the glorious cravings for french fries. It's a twofer because I HEART french fries.

Drum roll please... I am getting to the update everyone wants to know, how much do I weigh? How do I look? I weigh 162 pounds and I look fabulous. I did it. It took almost 7 years but I am a success! I will post more about that later and a picture. Everybody always wants a photo. I know this fact to be true because I lurk and search for photos on other people's weight loss blogs and when there is no update photos I am like, 'What the hell? ' I came on your blog to read about you and to SEE how you're doing. I know I am not the only one...
Cheers
A

* I reserve the right to whine and bitch about turning 40 because at the moment I'm not happy about it. I know I will get over it. I wonder if there is actually a turning 40 phobia because if there is I totally have it.

This Blog Is Coming Back To Life!

Hello Everyone,

I loved this blog so much that I have come back! Welcome back me. I wanted to come back to I REALLY WANT A COOKIE because it is my home plus I really like cookies. I have no idea what I am going to write about. Enjoy the ride...

All of my love,

Amy

I hope you enjoy the blog.

Blood Test

*This blog has not been edited for grammar error due to timing constraints

At the moment I am supposed to be decking the halls- translation: cleaning the house, and acting as a stand-in elf- translation: wrapping two dozen gifts.

The problem with my gift wrapping is that it takes me so long to wrap a gift. I turn into the spawn of Martha Stewart. This year in addition to the fancy paper, the fabric ribbon, expensive gift tags (The Santa gift tag actually has moving legs and arms; how cute is that?) I have added jingle bells to each gift; all different colors, hey you gotta match the bow, right? Every gift has to be perfect. To me presentation is almost as important is the gift itself. I spent all that time picking out the gift and just to put cheap wrapping paper and .10 bow on it would be a travesty to me.

Instead of fulfilling my commitments of wrapping, cleaning, and doing whatever else needs to be done today, I am sitting on my bum blogging.

I haven't lost any weight. I haven't gained any weight either so it isn't all bad.

I have kept to my goals. But I know why my weight is staying stagnant. I had some blood test done figuring that I was a diabetic. I was all ready to give up sugar, but it turns out that my TSH was high, meaning that my thyroid is under active. That explains why I am tired, cold, sad, and my weight gain. What did I say? WEIGHT GAIN! It makes sense. I know that I was not following the perfect lap band diet but I still wasn't stuffing my face, and now that I am exercising and not drinking anything but water and the occasional Starbucks mocha I should be losing at least a little weight. My doctor gave me some pills and assured me that everything would work out. He said I would lose these 10 pounds, and the best part is that I would get my energy back! How great is that? I am so happy.

Remember how I told you that I had blood work done and I thought that I might have been a diabetic? I wasn't. The my results that I DID get...well I wish I was diabetic. During the last year I had 3 other blood test but I never went in for the results. My doctor didn't call so I didn't think anything was wrong. This time I had to go in a week after this test because I had to have my 'lady examination'. This time I did get my blood work results. It was crappy.

*Never get blood work done before the holidays. I figured out that December 27 is a good day because you probably won't get the results back until after the new year. I am just saying...

It turns out that my kidneys are failing. Shitty. I'll say it again- shitty. I am at 56% at the moment. The challenge is that my kidneys have lost 30% function in the last year. I am not going to go into all the medical crap.

I can't believe this happened. I already signed up for the mental illness thing. I shouldn't have to do both. I am not feeling sorry for myself. I mean, I just want to say, 'Really?' Okay, now I am moving on to getting this under control. I am now in the process of turning my life upside down to change my entire diet and now I HAVE to exercise. This now became a life or death matter. Just to let you know I got the lap band to avoid a premature death, so there is no way that I am going to let this thing win. I don't want to have to a kidney transplant, or be on dialysis; that would really suck. There is no way I am changing the name of this blog to: 'I REALLY WANT A KIDNEY.' So bring it on. I am ready. I am staying positive, but next year I am going on December 27th to get my blood work.

Weight Gain Sucks...Blogging Silently

I am so sorry that I have not been here in forever. I could give you a lot of intelligent reasons, but the real reason is I got an iPhone and I have been playing games on my phone. Shame on me. I have been blogging in my head almost everyday, and the blogs have been execellent. You would've have loved them. Some of my best work happens in my head; if only I could attach a cable from laptop to my brain.

I just want to start my blog with: it's Christmas time again! The Starbucks red cups are out again. I love those red guys. It's the little things that make me the happiest.

I don't know what to blog about because I have blogged everyday about everything in my head...

Alright, it's time to come clean. I am a little depressed. I managed to gain some weight in the last year. I can't seem to take it off either.

Maybe that is because I am drinking high calorie beverages. I seem to think it is okay for me to be indulging in eggnog, fruit punch rock star's, hot chocolate with whipping cream, juice, and soda- and my friends, I am not partaking in diet soda, nope it's high fructose all the way!

And if we are admitting things I should tell you that I have turned in to a big blob. Exercise, what is that? It's too cold, it's too hot, it's raining, I'm too tired to go to the gym, I'm too busy playing games on my iPhone, there isn't enough blog space to list all of my stupid reasons.

Lastly, I can change my blog name to: I HAVE HAD A LOT OF COOKIES! Enough said.

So don't feel sorry for me and my spare tire; I earned it. Even with the band, which is just a tool I found ways to sabotage myself. After thought, mediation, and looking at my bank account realizing I have spent $25,000 to look hot damn. I can not throw it away. Mainly it came down to the cash, but hey whatever motivates me to change is a good thing.

Beverages, and cookies have been removed from home, and I today exercised, I wished for the Bodybugg from Santa, and I think he will come through, and I still have my band which I had serviced a few weeks ago. I think I am ready to go. Goodbye iPhone, hello iPod.

Then and Now...I Am Going To Make It To The Finish LIne

So it has been like forever since I have laid eyes on my blog. I guess I have kind have let it go. You know when times are good you want to share your life with the world, but when things seem shitty you want to crawl under a rock and hide...well I hid under a very big rock.

Here is my life since: 2007-

I went and got me a lapband. Lost a bunch of weight. (Thumbs up. Wrote a lot in my blog, 'cus life was coming up good!)

2008- I was put on a new drug to control my bipolar; weight loss came to a halt. I was ashamed-didn't want to leave the house. Sure I wasn't going bonkers, but I was depressed. Spent my time watching daytime TV, dieting, working out on a treadmill, and wondering what the hell was keeping me from losing weight.

-2010 the same stuff was going on but I have just seem to get worse. Thought if I got a tummy tuck I would feel better. Not so much. In fact felt worse than ever.

2010 - 2011- I have done nothing! No treadmill, no nothing. Lost my will to survive.

Well that was until today...

I am so tired of being tired. I am more beaten down now then I was when I was 250 pounds. I had a better attitude then too; I remember being happier. I am so tired of being down on myself. I can't do it anymore. Today is the day where I fight back. Today is the day when I remember who I am and that means I remember how tough I am!

I have gained weight- of course during this past year. Duh! About 10 pounds. I need to lose about 15 pounds to make a difference in my appearance or my tummy tuck will have been for nothing. I used to make Youtube videos but I'm so ashamed of my appearance that I just can't do it.

It is time to come out of hiding and make my dreams come true. I didn't come this far to be defeated.

This blog is called I REALLY WANT A COOKIE- and that is really what I want: a cookie, a cake, some ice cream, maybe a cheese burger, well the list goes on and on... But for the next 5 days my short-term goal is to cut out all sugar from my diet. That will means I will have to refrain from drinking Starbucks mochas, and enjoying all the sugary snacks that I love so much. I will also be participating in some form of exercise each day this week. The last thing I will do is journal my feelings here.

Right now I am scared. I don't want to give up the sugar and I don't want to move my lazy butt anywhere, but the thing about it is: I don't want to be so close to the finish line and stalled just out of reach. I want to accomplish my goals. I want to believe in myself. I want to believe I have the willpower, the self-control, the self-confidence, inner strength, and the love for myself to get to the finish line.

My current weight is 173.8. It was 168.2 just 3 weeks ago, but I went on a sugar

binge. I guess I hit rock bottom...

Let's get this party started.

The picture on the left is

what I looked like last summer before I gained 10 pounds.

The picture on the right is what I look like today.

Monday

I’m supposed to be at the gym today; as a matter of fact-right now. I went there in my mind I imagined the workout equipment, the cardio machines, and the weights. I figure I did such a good job imaging that I can forgo the actual ‘going’ part. Instead I will do some cardio on my treadmill which at the moment I prefer. I’m supposed to go to the gym Thursday maybe my memory won’t be so great then I will have to go.

Small steps… Last week I wouldn’t even have entertained the thought of going to the gym.

Amy in Wonderland

My home enables me to stay put and not go outside. You see I have a nice home; it is nicely decorated, calm, clean, and very relaxing. When people come over they give me the greatest compliment by saying that I have a home that is comfortable. Really? Of course it is, I have spent a lot of time and effort making my island of solitude wonderful. It is going to be hard to give up lounging about in my wonderland. I’m just being honest.

However, it is day three of the Amy Improvement Project. I feel like I’m going in the right direction.

Yesterday I took Holly to the doctors; yeah but, the ‘yay moment’ was that I walked there. Before this I would have only walk around my block, over, and over, and over, and over again. I have done many 10k walks just walking around my block. I fear my neighbors think I’m crazy, and they’re mostly right. But yesterday I walked 5k to Holly’s doctor who was not located on, or anywhere near my block. I had to walk through town to get there. I did it. To celebrate Holly and I went to… yup you guessed it…Starbucks to celebrate. She didn’t know we were celebrating but I did.

Today the weather is very grey outside. These are my favorite days, because I can justify not having to go anywhere, or do anything. I just sit back and relax. Today will be no different however I am going to stretch out my comfort zone inside my house. I’m going to prepare dinner. I hate cooking so much I would rather stick toothpicks in my eyeballs. But I’m going to cook anyway because I want to feel accomplished, even today.

I’m going to sign off and go walk on my treadmill and while I walk I will think about what I will make for dinner.

I'm Finally Getting Out Of The House- kinda, sorta, maybe, well at least online...

2010 is over!!!!

I’m doing a happy dance. I dare say that the year that just passed has been a very challenging year for me.

I just didn’t feel well. I have not been taking care of myself the way I know I should be. I have very little of my energy, I willingly became housebound, I have been in physical pain for long periods of time, and I have lived under a cloud of depression for what seemed like the whole of 2010. As a result of all of this I believe that this is why I gained seven pounds.

Becoming a hermit was the absolute worse. I never understood why some people couldn’t just go outside. ‘Come on; just walk out your door. It’s no big deal.’ Now I feel like I’m living in a parallel universe; I went from a doing-everything-living-life-person to what I am today which is a person who prefers to stay inside out of fear. Irony is a bitch. I’m so pissed off because I don’t want to be in this prison of my own design, I never wanted to be. I have friends and a life to live. I need to get back to it.

What I found odd is when I became a recluse to the outside world; I was difficult for me to be online. I no longer wanted to blog, post on my cherished sites, or even Facebook my friends.

I do not believe it’s too late for me. My desire for change runs very deep in me and I have a lot of determination to not let this get the best of me.

I have started to take vitamins and iron for my anemia, which will greatly improve my energy. I have also decided to eat healthier this year, and put together a doable exercise program to help any physical pain. But my must do in 2011 is to change my life back; I want to be free again, paroled this year. The first step is to start posting and blogging. I need to re-enter society.

Vegas

Hey Everybody,

This has been an emotional time for me, and it's kind of like I have crawled under a rock. Getting this tummy tuck thing has been hard on me. I think because of the emotional changes that come with the tummy tuck itself, but then I have been going through the seasonal-change depression that comes nicely with a big red bow thanks to my good long time friend bi-polar. One day I slept until 5 pm. Who does that? I don't. I used to be a person that grabbed everyday by the balls and took it on, but right now I'm tired.

It's not all bad. David and I are celebrating our 20th year together by going down to the city of sin. Yep, Las Vegas here we come. We are spending 6 days and 5 nights doing whatever we want.

My favorite thing is the dinner and a show. By dinner and a show I mean the buffet. I don't eat enough to go to a buffet (I used to.) but we are going to one anyway. Our, well mine reason is that I love to see how high people can stack their plate full of food. It's amazing! When you go to a buffet here you usually see reasonable size portions on people's plates. They may make multiple trips, but still. In Vegas all bets are off. Those plates are stacked, AND those guys go back for more. I think it is safe to say as far as buffets go- what happens in Vegas comes home on your butt.

We don't gamble so there is no chance that we will be getting Vegas to pay for our trip. We will still have a blast anyway.

I did a youtube video- there's a link to it on the top right hand corner. It's the most recent video. I love you all.

Lot's of Time But Nothing to Do Until Now

I haven’t been blogging because my life has been boring!!!! Wait why do I need exclamations for that sentence? It’s totally uncalled for. If I was to blog my life it would have said the same thing day after day….

I watched Maury today and guess what? ‘He was the father.’ After my Maury fix I settled into my retirement recliner toke a nap, ate lunch, surfed the internet, napped, watched another talk show, napped, ate dinner, toke a short walk, napped, and then went to bed. BORING!

What could I blog about? My lunches were always the same: an apple, peanut butter, and a small slice of cheddar cheese. I’m afraid even I couldn’t find merits in my day to blog about.

It’s true I did have a birthday in May. I turned 36 and I didn’t want to talk about it. I guess I reached the age where I dread my birthday, and when they’re here I just want to get them over with. Then I can go back to telling people I’m 34, oops.

Well, I found something else to do besides nap. I’m going to paint my huge kitchen and huge living room. I need you to understand that I have never, ever painted before. I have never held a paintbrush. But how hard can it be? You clean the walls, tape, prime, edge, paint, and then wait for it to dry, right?

I bought the green edging tape. It’s on my kitchen table staring at me. I’m staring at it. It’s a showdown.

The rational part of me is telling me to wait for my father who painted professionally, and loves to paint my walls. It’s also telling me that I just had a tummy tuck so I should take it easy. But phooey, the manic part of me is telling me to break out the cleaning supplies and to start cleaning the walls.

I just want to see what will happen. That’s how I operate. I always push myself, and everything else past its limit to see what the actual limit is. When I fall off the edge then I know. ‘Well I guess that was the edge, who knew?’ Are you like that too? David hates this quality in me. ‘Hmmm…I’m not sure if this will hurt when I touch this red hot burner; I better do it just to check.’ I need to be my own source. Let be honest my example painted me as a dumbass, but it has been my ability to test the waters; well actually jump in feet first, push myself past my limit that has made me a success today.

I’m not going to start this project today. I have to go to a party tonight and if I get too focused on my painting project I won’t have any energy for my friend’s party. Ah, but tomorrow is another day…

A Quick Update

I’ve been a very bad blogger. I’m so sorry about that. There has been so much going on in my life, but at the same time nothing at all. How does that work? I have no idea.

I have spent the last six weeks focusing on recovering. I don’t want to sound like a whiny baby but it has been a rough road. I’m glad the first six weeks are over; I’m hoping the next six are a little easier to stomach. Ha, that was my lame attempt at humor.

I’m at my goal weight of 160 pounds, which means that I lost a total of 95 pounds thanks to my lapband. My weight loss journey is over. I’m now focusing on maintaining it, and gaining a firm toned body. I’m so happy to be done with that crazy journey.

Another new development since my tummy tuck is my taste buds have drastically changed. I no longer like Starbucks coffee. I know, right! What’s that about? I also am not a fan of most sweets, but I am having a love affair with ice cream; chocolate to be exact. I 'm not an innocent angel...yes I have devilish side when it comes to frozen treats.

Certain smells bother me. Anything that reminds me of the first week of my recovery still makes my stomach churn. I don’t think I will ever be able to use dial anti-bacterial soap for the rest of my life. What a shame.

I’m still pretty tired these days. I was hoping that would end at the six week mark, but I guess it takes my body longer to heal. My mind is still all foggy. I blame my foggy mind for this un-witty blog entry. I just wanted to stop by and say hello, and I miss you guys.

Going In Reverse

Happy Mother’s Day!

I over did it yesterday by a mile and a half. I had to go to my plastic surgeon for a check-up. Since he is located in Vancouver that meant I had to do some serious walking, and because there were two accidents on the stupid freeway that meant we were almost late, which meant that I had to walk really fast. My tummy did not like that.

I’m glad that I went to my appointment and all, because my doc sucked out 400ml of fluid that had collected in my tummy for no good reason. After that was all done I was flatter.

On the road again…

It was David’s birthday 12 days ago, but because of my surgery no one celebrated it. Well that’s not true; my daughter made him a spaghetti dinner and a carrot cake birthday cake. But for the rest of us we just pushed it forward until it was more convenient for us to celebrate it.

We went out for dinner with David’s parents. Everyone loved their dinner except David; his sucked. Besides David’s dinner being crap, and my post-op tummy tuck starting to rebel it was a lovely dinner. But don’t feel bad for David, his cake and presents made up for the lack of tastiness in his meal.

We ended up getting home at 12:12am. My stomach was killing me. I took some pain killers and went to bed.

I awoke this morning, and guess what? My stomach is still not pleased. I’m still hurting. I’m refusing the hard pain meds but I’m starting to consider myself a dumbass for making such a stupid decision.

I have to be totally honest with you; today’s pain feels like day two’s pain. But on day two I was naïve because I thought everyday would get better and better. Today I’m more of a cynic, because I’m starting to understand that there may be set backs. As a result of this new attitude I’m starting to wonder if this was such a hot idea. Vanity is bad thing.

And you know what else? To get beautiful you have to go through some not so beautiful moments. Like yesterday at my surgeon’s office: He has a three way mirror so I could see myself at every angle. I have to explain something to you: in order to keep everything in place I have to wear a compression garment. (I think I’ve mentioned that before.) But I have added to my wardrobe. Now I wear a compression top with built in bra, and I always wear panties over my Compression garment. (Those CGs have a crotch hole for easy access, so if I were to leave it as-is it would be like I was going commando, and that just isn’t my style.)

My surgeon asked me to lift up my shirt so he could get access to my tummy. ‘Well darling it isn’t that easy.’ First I had to drop my drawers along with my underwear, take off my bra/undershirt combination, and then let him undo the compression garment and let that fall to the ground as well.

So picture me with everything at my ankles, and my bra top at my neck. I looked in the mirror, and I looked so ridiculous with my swollen and bruised belly hanging out. Now I’m fully aware that he has seen me naked, but I was out cold so that doesn’t count. I began to understand why girls wear cute panties and bra sets to see their doctors. I’m going to note that down and put that in my back pocket.

I’m going to see him on Wednesday and I’m going to wear the more easily accessible compression garment. This one has Velcro on the bottom all you have to do is raise it up from the hips. And hopefully on my six month check-up I will be wearing those cutie undergarment sets, with my unburied flat stomach. If not, I’m going to ask for my money back.

Day 11

What do I have in common with Thanksgiving? I could easily be a float in the Macy’s Day Parade. Oh man, I’m so bloated. In the world of tummy tuck we call it, ‘swell-hell’.
I think my body is rebelling from being cut open, ripped apart, and having the jiggly parts sucked out of it. What can I say?

I’m on day 11. The second week is harder than the first. The first week I took drugs and slept. This week I can’t get comfortable, I’m bloated, and my mind is playing games on me. During week one I had a nice flat stomach; now not so much. I’m beginning to second guess myself as to why I did this.

On the plus side I do have a tiny little waist, and the cutest belly button. Is that worth the $10,000? Maybe, I was always complaining about muffin top, and I definitely don’t have that anymore.

David has taken the week off of work to take care of me. He is calling it a ‘stay-cation’. He won’t let me do anything for myself. I’m surprised that he is not typing this blog entry for me. Again I’m not complaining, who could? My only fear is when he goes back to work I might forget how to put on my own socks. My feet are going to get so cold.

Well that is it for now. I just wanted to let you know that I’m alive and doing well. I will write more soon.

April 28, 2010

I haven’t blogged in about forever. I’m going to keep this one really short as I don’t have a lot of resources. I had my surgery. I saw the first results today. Not sure what I feel about the results. Changed my compression garment- sorry I did that. I hope it doesn’t affect my results. I’m exhausted now.

No Clue On How To Title This Entry.

It's almost midnight. I only have 31 hours left, and then I'm divorcing my stomach. Time is going by faster than I thought it would, but that's not too hard , because I thought it would be slooooooow. But it's just so/so slow. Tomorrow the cleaners come, and I have to start preparing for my road trip to my in-laws house. I wanted to pack 12 pillows; yes I do have that many available for packing, I'm my own Bed, Bath, and Beyond store. Wait did they go out of business? It doesn't matter you get the point.

It's time for bed. I have taken my sleeping meds. (a perk of being bipolar) This blog entry doesn't even make sense to me, but I had to write something. *Note to self: Do not blog while on sleeping medication. I'm going to put that in my back pocket for a later date. The funny thing is; I won't remember blogging this in the morning. I get amnesia from my sleeping pills. So that means when I open my blog tomorrow I will be reading this for the first time just like you are. How cool is that?

Wait, what was I blogging about? I'm having to think... oh right, only 31 hours until my surgery. Are you as excited as I am? I'd better go to bed. Thanks for reading.

Can't Stop Laughing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtp1xHvkVOk

Now it’s official I have lost it. Check out my newest youtube video.

Watching Paint Dry

Only 81 hours left until my life changes forever. In 81 hours I will be free from muffin top, and an overhang of belly flab that has haunted me forever.

When I got my lapband surgery I don’t remember counting down the hours. In fact I was too busy having my 'last meals'. Let’s see in 81 hours I would have been able to fit in five trips to Starbucks for my last rounds venti mochas and massive chocolate chip cookies, three runs to Dairy Queen for a large Blizzard, three trips through a Wendy’s drive-thru, a visit from the Pizza Hut delivery guy, a meal at Red Robin, and a ceremonious farewell cake and ice cream party. I probably could have done more buffeting, but I had to fast before my surgery.

I really don’t remember what my actual ‘last meal' was. I just remember having a lot of them. Those were good times. Yeah, but when it was time for surgery David had to roll me into the hospital due to the gazillion calories that I had consumed during my feasting.

For this life changing surgery I no longer have the desire to finance all of the fast food joints in town. So how do I fill my time? I have no idea. I could watch 81 episodes of Dr. Phil. No thank you; I think I would rather eat myself to death.

Tomorrow my friend is coming over to go shopping with me for David’s birthday. I have no idea what to get him. I want it to be something special after all I have nothing but time on my hands. I should be able to figure out something good to get him for his birthday. However in the afternoon I will be watching paint dry.

Thursday, I must get the house clean for the cleaners who are coming on Friday. Not clean-clean, but organized, and then after I'm finished I'll watch paint dry.

Friday, I must pack, watch paint dry until David comes home from work, take David out for his birthday dinner, and make the long trip out to his parent’s home where we will be staying the night.

Saturday, I will rise at 4:30 am, be at the clinic at 6:00 am, and at 7:00 am I will be counting backwards from 10.

Sunday, I will wake up and wish it was today when I wasn’t in so much pain. Be careful what you wish for...

Only 8 Days To Go Until My Tummy Tuck!!!!!!!

I’m rested up today, and reality has set in. I’m getting a full tummy tuck, muscle repair, and lipo done in eight short days!

There is so much to do. I have to shop. Normally I love shopping but shopping for medical supplies turns out to be on the bottom of my list of favorite things to shop for.

Yesterday, in the spirit of preparing for the big even I decided to venture into a medical supply shop. It was like walking into a car dealership, but instead of cars for sale it was wheelchairs and other motorized riding scooters that were up for sale. Row after row of wheelchairs and scooters, I didn’t know if I was supposed to take one to test drive while I shopped or what. I almost did; come on, some had baskets attached to them.

The thing that scared me the most is: this massive store was crowded. The malls may be empty, but wheelchair-scooter stores are packed. I guess it’s true the baby boomers still have all the money. My generations, and all the generations after mine are so screwed.

My shopping list included: latex gloves, hot & cold packs, two types of non-shower cleansers, two bed protection pads, and finally my favorite-a potty seat riser. Oh and there is still much more to buy, but I can buy the rest some where else. I need to support the malls. I wanted to buy a scooter, but none of them came in blue.

Today I called a house cleaning company to come in and do a full clean of my joint. I figure if I do it myself I run the risk of going manic or getting ill from exhaustion. We can’t have that can we? There is still so much to do around the house that the cleaners can’t do. I will have to get those things done myself. UGH. I am going to re-organize the office, the Cookie Monster room, (Yep, I have a room just for Cookie Monster.) clean out the refrigerator, kitchen pantry, cupboards, and finally I have to de-clutter every room in my home. Basically I have to make my home look like a show home. Currently my home is not messy; you could come over for dinner right now, and I would be proud to have you. But it has to be more than perfect after my surgery, because if it’s not I will fall into a deep depression. It’s just part of my illness. Don’t worry I have a list and I’m taking it slow.

There is so much to get done…

Am I Snoring Too Loud???????

I’m not taking care of myself the way I should be. I should’ve gone to the gym, but I went to Starbucks with a friend instead. I should’ve had a healthy lunch, but I opted for Cheerio’s with a banana, because I was too lazy to prepare a chicken breast. Now I’m sitting in my recliner eating Hershey Kisses. No wonder I feel like crap.

I need to get busy doing stuff, but I feel like sleeping. That’s doing something, right?

If you don’t know I’m getting a tummy tuck on April 24th-that’s right it’s only ten days away. There is so much to do! I don’t want to do any of it. Nada. None. Nothing. I need to clean the house, but instead I decided that making a bigger mess would be a better idea. I should be doing laundry. Nah, instead there is a mountain of dirty clothes that is so tall that if you were to climb it, you would need extra oxygen to get to the top. Youtube videos- those guys, I should be editing them. Forget about it. Like I said nothing. Instead of being a stream of activity I have turned into a pond of laziness.

I just went to sleep for a few hours…I can’t even muster the energy for this blog entry.

I will try and write more in a few days. What’s a matter with me? I think I’m just overwhelmed.

I did manage a short Youtube video.

Shrinking in Pictures

My weight loss journey started 25 years ago when I was ten; now I'm 35. I'm tired. But my lapband pushed me through. I'm at the end...well near the end. I thought I would give you a snapshoot in time of the changes I have gone through. Enjoy.