Just a short comment today… I got a bike yesterday, and to be honest I am not the same carefree cyclist I was at the age of seven. I thought once you learned to ride a bike you never forgot. In my case that is “practically” true, but I would not use the word graceful to describe my cycling abilities. In my current situation I have a difficult time keeping the bike and myself straight and upright; the bike I kind of wobble down the road. To top it off I am a chicken when it comes to biking near traffic on the busy highways. Is it gauche to ride on the sidewalks if you are 34? Hmm... I thought as much. My last complaint is the bruises on my butt. OUCH! Comfy saddle my ass. (I knew I should have spent my money on a flat screen TV instead; at least my ass would be much happier. Maybe a little bigger, but at least it wouldn’t hurt so much.)
I have wanted a bike for a long time. I was too afraid that my butt would be swallowed up by the saddle seat and all the public would see is my bum with a bike rod sticking up into it. Thanks to my surgery and my weight loss I feel more confident to take to the streets on two wheels. Isn't it funny how much I held myself back because of my weight? Besides the butt-bruise-discomfort-issue I feel so free and light spinning down the road. Yeah I am still on the back roads mind you, but I still feel good never the less.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
First Attempt at a 10K...No Really!
I am so beat! I feel like a wet pair of jeans that have yet to have come out of the washer-machine; all stiff and unwearable. I swear to you that I stretched. I prepared. I brought water and almonds. I wore my best pair of sneakers. I did everything I knew how to do today to make myself as comfortable as possible. I even went as far as to hire two coaches slash trainers. It is true that my trainers are on the cheap, as they are my husband and my ten year old daughter Holly, but free is free. What can I say?
Why do I hurt so much? In my brilliant moment (not so much) of wisdom I decided to walk 10K to “see” how it felt. You know to try it on for size. I went on to Google maps and carefully mapped out my route to make sure it was a 10K walk.
We started out around 10:30 in the morning. It was starting to get a little hot, but really how long would this walk take us? No more than an hour…an hour and fifteen minutes tops. Hey we can handle an hour or so. David was so excited about the prospect of what I was taking on, and I was grateful for his support and willingness to share my first 10K walk. I also managed to sucker him into a 10K walk every week for that matter; for the sake of “training”. I have to admit the first 7 ½ K were easy to accomplish, but after that we were starting to feel the power of the sun’s rays.. Apparently when the sun comes out it gets very HOT; who knew? We started to drag our butts and I started to question whose idea this was to come out here in the blazing heat and walk 10 bloody kilometres! But only I couldn’t complain because we both knew it was all my idea. Damn! At this point the only time we talked was to make comments about the how long roads seemed to be, and other times was when I asked David what time it was.
The best news is we made it home at 12:36 thank goodness; it was touch and go for awhile there. (For those keeping track the walk took us two hours and six minutes.) The bad news is that as it turns out our home has stairs! Who bough…oh yeah it was me again. As the night goes on my body gets stiffer…where is that A535?
*I did forget to put on sunscreen, as a result my face and shoulders look like a red delicious apple. Next week I must make sure I add sunscreen to my list of things to do.
BTW…On our route David noticed a bicycle shop and decided that we should buy new bikes. His reasoning: we need to be more active. What? We are going out in the next few days to buy ourselves some new wheels. Personally I think it is because David does not want to “walk/run” beside me as I train, instead he has a unrealistic dream of “coaching” me while he rides while I run. Well I got new for him…
Why do I hurt so much? In my brilliant moment (not so much) of wisdom I decided to walk 10K to “see” how it felt. You know to try it on for size. I went on to Google maps and carefully mapped out my route to make sure it was a 10K walk.
We started out around 10:30 in the morning. It was starting to get a little hot, but really how long would this walk take us? No more than an hour…an hour and fifteen minutes tops. Hey we can handle an hour or so. David was so excited about the prospect of what I was taking on, and I was grateful for his support and willingness to share my first 10K walk. I also managed to sucker him into a 10K walk every week for that matter; for the sake of “training”. I have to admit the first 7 ½ K were easy to accomplish, but after that we were starting to feel the power of the sun’s rays.. Apparently when the sun comes out it gets very HOT; who knew? We started to drag our butts and I started to question whose idea this was to come out here in the blazing heat and walk 10 bloody kilometres! But only I couldn’t complain because we both knew it was all my idea. Damn! At this point the only time we talked was to make comments about the how long roads seemed to be, and other times was when I asked David what time it was.
The best news is we made it home at 12:36 thank goodness; it was touch and go for awhile there. (For those keeping track the walk took us two hours and six minutes.) The bad news is that as it turns out our home has stairs! Who bough…oh yeah it was me again. As the night goes on my body gets stiffer…where is that A535?
*I did forget to put on sunscreen, as a result my face and shoulders look like a red delicious apple. Next week I must make sure I add sunscreen to my list of things to do.
BTW…On our route David noticed a bicycle shop and decided that we should buy new bikes. His reasoning: we need to be more active. What? We are going out in the next few days to buy ourselves some new wheels. Personally I think it is because David does not want to “walk/run” beside me as I train, instead he has a unrealistic dream of “coaching” me while he rides while I run. Well I got new for him…
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Number One on my List.
I wanted to show you what the love of my life David actually looks like. We have a phenomenal life together! I couldn’t ask for a better partner to navigate through this life with. This picture was taken on my 34th birthday.
As for my 35th year as promised I am making a list of things I want to do this year that will make this year a year to remember. I had to really think about what it was that I wanted to accomplish this year. It doesn’t have to be spectacular, but it does have to hold a special meaning to me.
For the first item on my list:
I am going to run the Vancouver Sun Run. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this run: it is the largest 10K run in Canada and the second largest in North America. Over 51,000 people run the Sun Run every year. Now I am not expecting to win by ANY means, but I WILL beat the average.
I went for my first walk/jog exercise today. I did pretty well; I ran for 8 minutes and walked for 40. I only came home because I ran out of water. I have ten months to get into "running" shape and I am determined to stay focused! My eye is on the prize, which will be bragging rights and a framed picture of course.
Why is this particular exercise important to me? It is simple- I hate running. I haven't got it quite right. I have not mastered running, and it is just out of my grasp. I also fear running because I am overweight. I hate the thought of my 'jell-O' body running down the road. That being said I want to do something that is hard, but will become easier the more I do it. Truthfully- I want to kick 40,000 other people’s ass.
#1: Run my butt off for ten months, and then join thousands of other people for a run, and finish before they do. See you at the finish line in April 2009
As for my 35th year as promised I am making a list of things I want to do this year that will make this year a year to remember. I had to really think about what it was that I wanted to accomplish this year. It doesn’t have to be spectacular, but it does have to hold a special meaning to me.
For the first item on my list:
I am going to run the Vancouver Sun Run. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this run: it is the largest 10K run in Canada and the second largest in North America. Over 51,000 people run the Sun Run every year. Now I am not expecting to win by ANY means, but I WILL beat the average.
I went for my first walk/jog exercise today. I did pretty well; I ran for 8 minutes and walked for 40. I only came home because I ran out of water. I have ten months to get into "running" shape and I am determined to stay focused! My eye is on the prize, which will be bragging rights and a framed picture of course.
Why is this particular exercise important to me? It is simple- I hate running. I haven't got it quite right. I have not mastered running, and it is just out of my grasp. I also fear running because I am overweight. I hate the thought of my 'jell-O' body running down the road. That being said I want to do something that is hard, but will become easier the more I do it. Truthfully- I want to kick 40,000 other people’s ass.
#1: Run my butt off for ten months, and then join thousands of other people for a run, and finish before they do. See you at the finish line in April 2009
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
David loves to shop!
If you have been keeping up with my blog from the beginning you read about my theory about buying clothes for shrinking women (and men.) If you haven’t I’ll wait…
Okay, I’ll assume you are all caught up on my ramblings.
I was such a clothes horse. I used clothes to feel better about being overweight. Well it was worse than I thought, because when I started clearing out my closet of all bigger sizes I filled up boxes and boxes, bags and bags. I was embarrassed about how much clothes I had accumulated over the years. (Who knew you needed twelve pairs of capri pants, and thirty tank tops? Who am I Oprah?) I donated, I gave, I cried, and then I donated some more. You should see my bare closet! Now your voice can echoe off the walls, because there is nothing there to impact the sound.
David, God bless his heart thinks that every woman needs twelve pairs of capris, and thirty tank tops, so when he saw my bare closet this caused him great concern. He asked me when I was planning on going shopping to replace my clothes. I told him that I would do it soon. But as the days ticked by and the magic clothing fairies failed to fill my walk-in-closet with new attire he got antsier. “Do you want to go shopping?” he would ask me in a tone that was similar to the tone we use to ask the dog if he wants to go for a walk.
I finally agreed to go shopping and when we got to the mall I went to the plus size stores as usual. (Go with what you know.) Here is my method for finding the “perfect” fit:
Pants- to find the perfect fitting pair of pants you must be able to pull them off of your hips without unbuttoning them. (Nope there is no elastic involved!)
Panties-to find the perfect fitting pair of undies they must have a bubble of fabric and air in the bum for added windy comfort.
Bra-(My personal favorite) to find the perfect fitting bra you must be able to fit grapefruit plus your own merchandise in the cup, and when you bounce you must still be able to give yourself a black eye from your merchandise whacking you in your face. Grandma would be so proud!
Shirt-To find the perfect shirt buy one that is too big so you can pretend that it is your boyfriend’s and/or husband’s shirt. *tip: try and find a shirt that makes your ass look big too.
Yesterday, my family took me into a regular sized woman’s store. I agreed (reluctantly) to go because the sign on the window said: up to size 18. My daughter and my husband start to pull dresses of off the rack and I notice that they are not pulling the biggest size. “Whoa wait a minute. I am a XXL if I am even that lucky.” They didn’t listen and they kept pulling their favorite dresses. I decided to leave the dress department, because I was afraid if someone saw me in the store they might ask me to leave. My heart was pounding so I started to look at capris. (You know I only have two pairs I am down by ten.) I grabbed the biggest size and ran away from the display like I was committing a crime. I went to change room I grabbed the only XXL dress, which I picked and put it on. I came out of the change room and it was too big, well according to them, according to me it fit all of the requirements listed above. I went back in to the evil change room and tried on dress after dress in smaller sizes; I even went down to a large. It fit but I wasn’t mentally ready for the responsibility that comes with a large. I also tried on a size twelve skirt and it fit comfortably with no problem except when I sat down it did show my lovely “roll”, so that was a definite NO! As for the capris it turned out that I didn’t pick out the largest size, but on a positive note it did pass my pull it off with having to waste time with out having to fuss with buttons and zippers;.
After all that I did not buy anything, but it was a great accomplishment towards feeling better in my own skin. When I get down to my goal weight of 160 pounds I believe that I will strangely get the Oprah clothes buying bug again…hum! Only 23 more pounds to go.
Okay, I’ll assume you are all caught up on my ramblings.
I was such a clothes horse. I used clothes to feel better about being overweight. Well it was worse than I thought, because when I started clearing out my closet of all bigger sizes I filled up boxes and boxes, bags and bags. I was embarrassed about how much clothes I had accumulated over the years. (Who knew you needed twelve pairs of capri pants, and thirty tank tops? Who am I Oprah?) I donated, I gave, I cried, and then I donated some more. You should see my bare closet! Now your voice can echoe off the walls, because there is nothing there to impact the sound.
David, God bless his heart thinks that every woman needs twelve pairs of capris, and thirty tank tops, so when he saw my bare closet this caused him great concern. He asked me when I was planning on going shopping to replace my clothes. I told him that I would do it soon. But as the days ticked by and the magic clothing fairies failed to fill my walk-in-closet with new attire he got antsier. “Do you want to go shopping?” he would ask me in a tone that was similar to the tone we use to ask the dog if he wants to go for a walk.
I finally agreed to go shopping and when we got to the mall I went to the plus size stores as usual. (Go with what you know.) Here is my method for finding the “perfect” fit:
Pants- to find the perfect fitting pair of pants you must be able to pull them off of your hips without unbuttoning them. (Nope there is no elastic involved!)
Panties-to find the perfect fitting pair of undies they must have a bubble of fabric and air in the bum for added windy comfort.
Bra-(My personal favorite) to find the perfect fitting bra you must be able to fit grapefruit plus your own merchandise in the cup, and when you bounce you must still be able to give yourself a black eye from your merchandise whacking you in your face. Grandma would be so proud!
Shirt-To find the perfect shirt buy one that is too big so you can pretend that it is your boyfriend’s and/or husband’s shirt. *tip: try and find a shirt that makes your ass look big too.
Yesterday, my family took me into a regular sized woman’s store. I agreed (reluctantly) to go because the sign on the window said: up to size 18. My daughter and my husband start to pull dresses of off the rack and I notice that they are not pulling the biggest size. “Whoa wait a minute. I am a XXL if I am even that lucky.” They didn’t listen and they kept pulling their favorite dresses. I decided to leave the dress department, because I was afraid if someone saw me in the store they might ask me to leave. My heart was pounding so I started to look at capris. (You know I only have two pairs I am down by ten.) I grabbed the biggest size and ran away from the display like I was committing a crime. I went to change room I grabbed the only XXL dress, which I picked and put it on. I came out of the change room and it was too big, well according to them, according to me it fit all of the requirements listed above. I went back in to the evil change room and tried on dress after dress in smaller sizes; I even went down to a large. It fit but I wasn’t mentally ready for the responsibility that comes with a large. I also tried on a size twelve skirt and it fit comfortably with no problem except when I sat down it did show my lovely “roll”, so that was a definite NO! As for the capris it turned out that I didn’t pick out the largest size, but on a positive note it did pass my pull it off with having to waste time with out having to fuss with buttons and zippers;.
After all that I did not buy anything, but it was a great accomplishment towards feeling better in my own skin. When I get down to my goal weight of 160 pounds I believe that I will strangely get the Oprah clothes buying bug again…hum! Only 23 more pounds to go.
Only 2 more days...
I am turning 34 on Saturday. I have mixed feelings about being 34. I am not one of those people who fear aging or pretend to be younger than I actually am. I am just me. I hangout and don’t count the years passing by, but I do wonder what the next years will hold. That is where my problem lies.
I have dreams but I let my dreams fall through my fingers; promising myself I will make new dreams a reality next year. But day-after-day I do the same thing and live the same life. I am still waiting for life to happen to me. What happens between the hope of a new year and just becoming content to wait for next year to make new promises?
Now don’t misunderstand me; I am not talking about going to the gym and working out 5 times a week, or eating vegetables with every meal. No I am talking about feeling alive, happy, and accomplished. I don’t want to tread water instead I want to sail on a yacht. I want to look back on my 34th year and say: "That was a fantastic year! I had so many wonderful adventures with so many wonderful people!" Does this make sense to anyone? Before Saturday I am going to make a list of things I will do this year that will bring me great joy.
Stay tuned…
I have dreams but I let my dreams fall through my fingers; promising myself I will make new dreams a reality next year. But day-after-day I do the same thing and live the same life. I am still waiting for life to happen to me. What happens between the hope of a new year and just becoming content to wait for next year to make new promises?
Now don’t misunderstand me; I am not talking about going to the gym and working out 5 times a week, or eating vegetables with every meal. No I am talking about feeling alive, happy, and accomplished. I don’t want to tread water instead I want to sail on a yacht. I want to look back on my 34th year and say: "That was a fantastic year! I had so many wonderful adventures with so many wonderful people!" Does this make sense to anyone? Before Saturday I am going to make a list of things I will do this year that will bring me great joy.
Stay tuned…
Monday, May 19, 2008
Life is a Highway
I am starting to have more good days than bad now, which is fantastic!
I live close to a busy road. I hate this road with a passion. When I bought my house I did not notice the road, or either it did not bother me at the time. It is the traffic that I can’t stand; especially the young gentlemen who find it necessary to trick out their 1990 Mustangs by removing the muffler. On my walks I will avoid this road by walking the back roads even if it takes twice the amount of time. Since I am not feeling too great I am forced to walk the shortest distance to get to where I want to go, which means taking the "no mufflers necessary highway”.
One day I had to pick my daughter up from school; I noticed a elderly woman sitting in a wheelchair on the side of the road. She was under a small tree that barely covered her and it was a rather warm day. I kept walking assuming she was waiting for a ride, but I was irritated at the same time that someone would make her wait on the side of the road I despised so much. When I came back with my daughter in tow she was still there! I was even more distraught on her behalf.
A few days later I ventured out with again to pick up Holly from school. The weather was colder and I was wearing a coat. I looked for the woman in the wheelchair and she was there, she had a blanket on her lap and she is watching the traffic speed by. She didn’t look unhappy but she didn’t look pleased either. She was not there when I passed by on my way home.
I very rarely drive because David is home more, and I like to be chauffeured (some things never change.) I notice the wheelchair lady day after day. It kind of is a game in my head, will she be there or will she not. More often than not she is there. I can’t wrap my brain around why she would sit out there so close to this road and just watch the traffic go by.
I start to wonder is there something that I am misunderstanding about this road or town. Now I want to talk to her and bring her cookies and tea and learn all of her wise secrets. I start to imagine myself bringing my own chair over and seeing the world through her eyes.
I don’t know if she is crazy, but that wouldn’t bother me anyway. I wouldn’t care if she was sick, because so am I. In fact I would admire that, because during my worse months this year I locked myself in my house, and refused to come outside. If I found out that her family just wheels her out there just to get her out of their hair, and she has no say in the matter. I would sit with her and share conversations.
In the end I have come to some conclusions:
Maybe she is waiting for somebody.
Maybe she just wants to be left alone for some peace and quiet.
Maybe she is too sick to even notice that I was there if I approached her.
Maybe I should learn to tolerate a busy road.
That all being said I am going to start to walk on her side of the road to say “hello” because you never know what can happen!
I live close to a busy road. I hate this road with a passion. When I bought my house I did not notice the road, or either it did not bother me at the time. It is the traffic that I can’t stand; especially the young gentlemen who find it necessary to trick out their 1990 Mustangs by removing the muffler. On my walks I will avoid this road by walking the back roads even if it takes twice the amount of time. Since I am not feeling too great I am forced to walk the shortest distance to get to where I want to go, which means taking the "no mufflers necessary highway”.
One day I had to pick my daughter up from school; I noticed a elderly woman sitting in a wheelchair on the side of the road. She was under a small tree that barely covered her and it was a rather warm day. I kept walking assuming she was waiting for a ride, but I was irritated at the same time that someone would make her wait on the side of the road I despised so much. When I came back with my daughter in tow she was still there! I was even more distraught on her behalf.
A few days later I ventured out with again to pick up Holly from school. The weather was colder and I was wearing a coat. I looked for the woman in the wheelchair and she was there, she had a blanket on her lap and she is watching the traffic speed by. She didn’t look unhappy but she didn’t look pleased either. She was not there when I passed by on my way home.
I very rarely drive because David is home more, and I like to be chauffeured (some things never change.) I notice the wheelchair lady day after day. It kind of is a game in my head, will she be there or will she not. More often than not she is there. I can’t wrap my brain around why she would sit out there so close to this road and just watch the traffic go by.
I start to wonder is there something that I am misunderstanding about this road or town. Now I want to talk to her and bring her cookies and tea and learn all of her wise secrets. I start to imagine myself bringing my own chair over and seeing the world through her eyes.
I don’t know if she is crazy, but that wouldn’t bother me anyway. I wouldn’t care if she was sick, because so am I. In fact I would admire that, because during my worse months this year I locked myself in my house, and refused to come outside. If I found out that her family just wheels her out there just to get her out of their hair, and she has no say in the matter. I would sit with her and share conversations.
In the end I have come to some conclusions:
Maybe she is waiting for somebody.
Maybe she just wants to be left alone for some peace and quiet.
Maybe she is too sick to even notice that I was there if I approached her.
Maybe I should learn to tolerate a busy road.
That all being said I am going to start to walk on her side of the road to say “hello” because you never know what can happen!
Saturday, April 5, 2008
I am Alive- I am Just Interrupted.
I am dropping in to say that I am still alive. I know that I not been around lately, but I have a good reason for it. I suffer from mental illness. I have been struggling with bipolar before Britney made it look cool and hip. This has been a very tough time for me, and I until recently I have not been able to string two sentences together coherently. Even now I find it difficult to put words to paper, but I owe it myself to try to keep a balance. I am working very closely with my doctors and I am in the difficult process of changing my medication. My family has been a true support and I know without a doubt that they will work with me to get better. When I feel better I will be back to entertain you with my daily life; I promise.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Procrastination
It all started when there wasn’t much progress happening in the weight loss department. I am not one to sit around and ponder too long, so I came up with ways to troubleshoot my weight loss stand still. Outsmarting my scale became my obsession, and to be honest it still is. I don’t recommend my plan because it does have some serious draw backs which I am about to explain.
I haven’t been able to blog- much less do anything else due to the fact that I am spending all my time in a gym sweating along with my MP3 player. I am a big fan of the elliptical machine, because it gives me the most bangs for my buck. Last week I got in trouble for staying on it longer than the 30 minute time limit, but because of my obsession I stayed on to complete my 60 minutes even though Barbie stood behind me yelling at me to get off the of the machine. I am not normally a rude person and I can assure you that I am a big fan of the rules, but when it comes to getting in 60 minutes on the elliptical Barbie can wait her turn. Then I discovered the treadmill and running; what a thrill that was! As a result of finding all these exciting exercising machines at the gym I am now drawn to their siren call. Watch out Barbie; don’t get between me and my treadmill!
When I am not at the gym I still go to Curves to do my strength training on the resistance machines. I would use the weight machines at the gym but Ken and his buddies believe their sweat make them official owners of said equipment. (I might be able to push around Barbie, but it will be a few more months before I can take on Ken and GI-Joe.) On my Curve days I also do yoga for the stretch benefit.
On top of all of that my butt is also out there burning up the pavement walking daily.
Now the working out takes up roughly two hours a day, but the procrastination takes up six, and recovery takes two hours. I don’t know why I make exercising such a big drama, because it is my choice, and it is what I want to do. However, I still treat working out like I am going to get my fingernails pulled. I have some valid “reasons” for delaying my workouts like: I am not a morning person, so I have to wait until the afternoon to get my mojo on. (Okay that is my only reason, but it is working for me, so far.)
The major draw back to my “flawless” plan is that my exercising takes up my entire day. I can’t focus on anything else because I am too busy procrastinating, and that takes a lot of effort to do it properly. Ah another chance to troubleshoot! Well since I am not a morning person, and you will never see my sunny face working out before noon; I have come up with a solution that will hopefully give me some balance (and allow me to blog.)
I am going to take every Tuesday and Thursday off from heavy working out. Instead David and I will go for a long walk in the evening. Truthfully I can’t live every waking moment avoiding the gym, this way I only have to avoid it on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays! What a relief!
I haven’t been able to blog- much less do anything else due to the fact that I am spending all my time in a gym sweating along with my MP3 player. I am a big fan of the elliptical machine, because it gives me the most bangs for my buck. Last week I got in trouble for staying on it longer than the 30 minute time limit, but because of my obsession I stayed on to complete my 60 minutes even though Barbie stood behind me yelling at me to get off the of the machine. I am not normally a rude person and I can assure you that I am a big fan of the rules, but when it comes to getting in 60 minutes on the elliptical Barbie can wait her turn. Then I discovered the treadmill and running; what a thrill that was! As a result of finding all these exciting exercising machines at the gym I am now drawn to their siren call. Watch out Barbie; don’t get between me and my treadmill!
When I am not at the gym I still go to Curves to do my strength training on the resistance machines. I would use the weight machines at the gym but Ken and his buddies believe their sweat make them official owners of said equipment. (I might be able to push around Barbie, but it will be a few more months before I can take on Ken and GI-Joe.) On my Curve days I also do yoga for the stretch benefit.
On top of all of that my butt is also out there burning up the pavement walking daily.
Now the working out takes up roughly two hours a day, but the procrastination takes up six, and recovery takes two hours. I don’t know why I make exercising such a big drama, because it is my choice, and it is what I want to do. However, I still treat working out like I am going to get my fingernails pulled. I have some valid “reasons” for delaying my workouts like: I am not a morning person, so I have to wait until the afternoon to get my mojo on. (Okay that is my only reason, but it is working for me, so far.)
The major draw back to my “flawless” plan is that my exercising takes up my entire day. I can’t focus on anything else because I am too busy procrastinating, and that takes a lot of effort to do it properly. Ah another chance to troubleshoot! Well since I am not a morning person, and you will never see my sunny face working out before noon; I have come up with a solution that will hopefully give me some balance (and allow me to blog.)
I am going to take every Tuesday and Thursday off from heavy working out. Instead David and I will go for a long walk in the evening. Truthfully I can’t live every waking moment avoiding the gym, this way I only have to avoid it on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays! What a relief!
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Bad Habits
Since losing weight I have developed some bad habits. Ladies and gentlemen I have bones. You see when I was heavy my bones were buried under the fat, and I thought I was made of Jell-O and boneless.
One day I woke up and I noticed something poking up from my midsection. “Oh my God I have ribs!” I’d better check the other side to see if I grew some there too. Yup there they were. Hmmm…I’d better count them; four on each side. Soon I could count five; I grew another one. Then I could actually see some of them, wow! Bad habit number one: Counting my ribs every morning.
When I was overweight I would look at magazines and scoff at the models who had collarbones. “How disgusting, look at her!” Alright sometimes those poor girls can go too far, and it really does look bad, but for the most part I was just jealous. I wanted sleek collar bones too. I was getting really tired of my bras falling off my shoulders because I had nothing to hold them up. Guess what! I have collar bones! Yes it is true. I can’t wait until summer so I can wear a strappy little dress and show off these babies. Bad habit number two: I keep poking at them. I love to turn my neck slightly, and run my fingers over the bone. Bad habit number three: I actually show people my collar bone accomplishment! “Hey look at this…I have a bone here.” This is starting to get a little sad.
I haven’t developed bad habit number four yet, but I just discovered that I have hip bones. I think I need an intervention!
One day I woke up and I noticed something poking up from my midsection. “Oh my God I have ribs!” I’d better check the other side to see if I grew some there too. Yup there they were. Hmmm…I’d better count them; four on each side. Soon I could count five; I grew another one. Then I could actually see some of them, wow! Bad habit number one: Counting my ribs every morning.
When I was overweight I would look at magazines and scoff at the models who had collarbones. “How disgusting, look at her!” Alright sometimes those poor girls can go too far, and it really does look bad, but for the most part I was just jealous. I wanted sleek collar bones too. I was getting really tired of my bras falling off my shoulders because I had nothing to hold them up. Guess what! I have collar bones! Yes it is true. I can’t wait until summer so I can wear a strappy little dress and show off these babies. Bad habit number two: I keep poking at them. I love to turn my neck slightly, and run my fingers over the bone. Bad habit number three: I actually show people my collar bone accomplishment! “Hey look at this…I have a bone here.” This is starting to get a little sad.
I haven’t developed bad habit number four yet, but I just discovered that I have hip bones. I think I need an intervention!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Tide, Cheer, Chores
David and I have cohabitated for what seems like eons now, and we have finally gotten into the groove. When we first moved in together I was a cleaning machine; I cleaned almost every day. Then I would get mad at him for never cleaning, but the truth of the matter was I never gave him a chance to clean, because I thought he couldn’t “do it right.” Now when it comes to doing chores we have determined our weaknesses and strengths and divided the chores up accordingly.
For instances (according to David) I shrink, turn our clothes shades of pink and purple, and somehow lose socks in the process of washing our garments. He claims I do not know how to separate laundry. In my defence I put the clothes in two piles: colors, and whites. Where we have a difference of opinions is in the “color” category. David scrutinizes to see if it has red or blue in it. If the piece of clothing is really dark he does a small load of “really dark” clothes; if the piece of clothing has even a little bit of red in it he washes it with the reds. The man even washes the towels separately! My method is- hey if it has color in it- it must go in the color bin. (Most of the time it works out.) One day I was in the laundry room doing laundry and David came in and told me that I was FIRED! I was escorted out of the room; he actually fired me! He has Laundry-Room-Radar, because if I even walk too close to the laundry room door he yells from up from downstairs, “Amy, what are you doing? Don’t even think about touching the laundry.” One night (while he was away) I took it upon myself to teach Holly how to do the laundry. Holly and I were very pleased with our accomplishments (yes, her white panties did have a slight pinkish tinge to them, but I figure it’s like getting a new pair!) I should stop here and mention my biggest laundry faux pas- I will start a load of laundry and then get distracted and leave the load of wet clothes in the washer for a bit of time; sometimes it has to be re-washed. Well on my laundry mentoring night Holly and I did get distracted and forgot the laundry and when David returned home later that evening he saw our method of “sorting”. To make a long story short: Holly is fired too; until David can teach her to sort properly.
To be fair in place of laundry I took on cleaning the three bathrooms in the house. I don’t mind cleaning bathrooms, because I hired an assistant who loves to clean the bathrooms! Ten year olds are absolutely CRAZY, but I love the free labor. Holly is really good at it too; the only thing that is really tough for her to clean is the bathroom mirror. So if you have been following along carefully I traded in laundry duties for cleaning mirrors, and bathroom inspections; what a deal! Now I am not stupid I know Holly will not always want to clean the bathroom, but by then I am hoping we can afford a cleaning crew.
David vacuums, and I dust. I sweep, but David sweeps up the dirt into the dustpan. (For some reason “dust-panning” was not a skill I got the hang of. I can chase that dirt around for hours.) David and I both share the dishes, but I will admit he does them more than I do, but I clean the counters more than he does. I am a better organizer than he is, so I keep our house clutter free.
Our whole family shares the cleaning duties in our house, and I am so much happier for it. Our house for the most part is kept spotless, but liveable. Our clothes stay in their original color, and size thanks to David’s efforts. Most importantly we come together as a family and make our house our home.
For instances (according to David) I shrink, turn our clothes shades of pink and purple, and somehow lose socks in the process of washing our garments. He claims I do not know how to separate laundry. In my defence I put the clothes in two piles: colors, and whites. Where we have a difference of opinions is in the “color” category. David scrutinizes to see if it has red or blue in it. If the piece of clothing is really dark he does a small load of “really dark” clothes; if the piece of clothing has even a little bit of red in it he washes it with the reds. The man even washes the towels separately! My method is- hey if it has color in it- it must go in the color bin. (Most of the time it works out.) One day I was in the laundry room doing laundry and David came in and told me that I was FIRED! I was escorted out of the room; he actually fired me! He has Laundry-Room-Radar, because if I even walk too close to the laundry room door he yells from up from downstairs, “Amy, what are you doing? Don’t even think about touching the laundry.” One night (while he was away) I took it upon myself to teach Holly how to do the laundry. Holly and I were very pleased with our accomplishments (yes, her white panties did have a slight pinkish tinge to them, but I figure it’s like getting a new pair!) I should stop here and mention my biggest laundry faux pas- I will start a load of laundry and then get distracted and leave the load of wet clothes in the washer for a bit of time; sometimes it has to be re-washed. Well on my laundry mentoring night Holly and I did get distracted and forgot the laundry and when David returned home later that evening he saw our method of “sorting”. To make a long story short: Holly is fired too; until David can teach her to sort properly.
To be fair in place of laundry I took on cleaning the three bathrooms in the house. I don’t mind cleaning bathrooms, because I hired an assistant who loves to clean the bathrooms! Ten year olds are absolutely CRAZY, but I love the free labor. Holly is really good at it too; the only thing that is really tough for her to clean is the bathroom mirror. So if you have been following along carefully I traded in laundry duties for cleaning mirrors, and bathroom inspections; what a deal! Now I am not stupid I know Holly will not always want to clean the bathroom, but by then I am hoping we can afford a cleaning crew.
David vacuums, and I dust. I sweep, but David sweeps up the dirt into the dustpan. (For some reason “dust-panning” was not a skill I got the hang of. I can chase that dirt around for hours.) David and I both share the dishes, but I will admit he does them more than I do, but I clean the counters more than he does. I am a better organizer than he is, so I keep our house clutter free.
Our whole family shares the cleaning duties in our house, and I am so much happier for it. Our house for the most part is kept spotless, but liveable. Our clothes stay in their original color, and size thanks to David’s efforts. Most importantly we come together as a family and make our house our home.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
I Have Some News
I have to share this with you-no really I must. We are all in this together and you deserve to hear this from me.
I woke up to a winter-wonderland, and you know how I feel about that. Today something was different I watched the snow fall from the warm soft comfort of my bed, and thought about going to yoga class. Today is Tuesday, which means in a few hours I would be stretching and kissing my yoga pad. I got out of bed and headed for the shower. “Oh my God today is Tuesday, oh I have to weigh myself.” I stood frozen in my bathroom wondering if I should actually weigh myself, or ignore it and do it next week. “I don’t think I can handle another gain.” I told the face in my bathroom mirror. She nodded in agreement, but told me to get the scale anyway. I cursed her as I went and got the scale from its secret hiding place. David came in and asked me what I was doing, and then he saw it - THE SCALE. I asked him to follow me into the bathroom to referee the weigh-in, and after seeing that there was nowhere to hide he agreed.
Amy: I am not actually going to look at the scale. You do it for me. Plus if I stand straight and tall on the scale I think I will weigh less.
David: Alright, but it shouldn’t matter how you stand on the scale…
Amy: It totally matters!
I stepped on the scale, arms at my side, back straight, my eyes faced forward,
Amy: So?
David: What?
Amy: How much?
David: Do you really want to know?
(I knew I should have gone pee before I stepped on the scale, because then the number would be a little better at least. And then I remember I have been working out, and muscle weighs more than fat, right?)
Amy: Yes tell me.
David: 198
Amy: SHUT UP!
Then I proceed to get on and off the scale ten times or so to make sure. I even go as far as to add my workout weights to my body and weigh myself, and then take them off just to test the scale. Sure enough: 198!
After I nearly wore out the batteries on the scale I handed the scale to David, and told him to hide the scale for two weeks. My reasoning was this: I don’t want to see my weight go up and down even just a little bit. If I wait two weeks I should clear 200 long enough to be far enough away that I will never see it again.
I am totally proud of myself! I am absolutely continuing my daily routines, which are a must for me to stay under the dreaded 200’s. My next goal: 185- It just sounds so sexy.
I woke up to a winter-wonderland, and you know how I feel about that. Today something was different I watched the snow fall from the warm soft comfort of my bed, and thought about going to yoga class. Today is Tuesday, which means in a few hours I would be stretching and kissing my yoga pad. I got out of bed and headed for the shower. “Oh my God today is Tuesday, oh I have to weigh myself.” I stood frozen in my bathroom wondering if I should actually weigh myself, or ignore it and do it next week. “I don’t think I can handle another gain.” I told the face in my bathroom mirror. She nodded in agreement, but told me to get the scale anyway. I cursed her as I went and got the scale from its secret hiding place. David came in and asked me what I was doing, and then he saw it - THE SCALE. I asked him to follow me into the bathroom to referee the weigh-in, and after seeing that there was nowhere to hide he agreed.
Amy: I am not actually going to look at the scale. You do it for me. Plus if I stand straight and tall on the scale I think I will weigh less.
David: Alright, but it shouldn’t matter how you stand on the scale…
Amy: It totally matters!
I stepped on the scale, arms at my side, back straight, my eyes faced forward,
Amy: So?
David: What?
Amy: How much?
David: Do you really want to know?
(I knew I should have gone pee before I stepped on the scale, because then the number would be a little better at least. And then I remember I have been working out, and muscle weighs more than fat, right?)
Amy: Yes tell me.
David: 198
Amy: SHUT UP!
Then I proceed to get on and off the scale ten times or so to make sure. I even go as far as to add my workout weights to my body and weigh myself, and then take them off just to test the scale. Sure enough: 198!
After I nearly wore out the batteries on the scale I handed the scale to David, and told him to hide the scale for two weeks. My reasoning was this: I don’t want to see my weight go up and down even just a little bit. If I wait two weeks I should clear 200 long enough to be far enough away that I will never see it again.
I am totally proud of myself! I am absolutely continuing my daily routines, which are a must for me to stay under the dreaded 200’s. My next goal: 185- It just sounds so sexy.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Protein Drinks Suck
Life can be unfair…well not really, but sometimes enough for me to take notice and complain. I am hiding out in our “den”; trying to ignore the delicious smells coming from our kitchen. At this very moment David is enjoying a wonderful dish of chicken and rice, and I know first hand that his taste buds are in heaven. Most of you are probably wondering why my husband is consuming dinner without me. Well the truth of the matter is I can not eat solid food, because I am back to dining on liquid-fare.
To be honest no matter how fancy you dress up a protein shake up it never smells good. “Oh my God smell this!”
“What is it?”
“It’s the new smell-good protein shake.”
“Wow that is nice; if it taste half as good as it smells I am totally in!”
And while we are on the subject of smelling things I need to ask you all a question. Does this happen to you or is it just me? Here it is: I have this friend and whenever anything smells bad she ALWAYS says, “Yuck, smell this,” and then proceeds to shove the disgusting item to my nasal region for a second opinion. The stupid part is I actually smell the item, as if her word wasn’t good enough. I should learn to put more faith in her sniffing abilities.
Let’s be honest with each here: protein drinks do not taste great. They may taste okay, or good, but not great. Who am I kidding that taste like crap. We can make them any flavor we want, but you can always taste that ever-so-lovely protein aftertaste. Don’t mind me I am just grumpy because for the next 24 hours I am sucking down protein drinks, yummy. I had better go I here the blender…
To be honest no matter how fancy you dress up a protein shake up it never smells good. “Oh my God smell this!”
“What is it?”
“It’s the new smell-good protein shake.”
“Wow that is nice; if it taste half as good as it smells I am totally in!”
And while we are on the subject of smelling things I need to ask you all a question. Does this happen to you or is it just me? Here it is: I have this friend and whenever anything smells bad she ALWAYS says, “Yuck, smell this,” and then proceeds to shove the disgusting item to my nasal region for a second opinion. The stupid part is I actually smell the item, as if her word wasn’t good enough. I should learn to put more faith in her sniffing abilities.
Let’s be honest with each here: protein drinks do not taste great. They may taste okay, or good, but not great. Who am I kidding that taste like crap. We can make them any flavor we want, but you can always taste that ever-so-lovely protein aftertaste. Don’t mind me I am just grumpy because for the next 24 hours I am sucking down protein drinks, yummy. I had better go I here the blender…
Friday, January 25, 2008
I Am Hot!
I am hot! Surprisingly enough I don’t mean this in a vain way. I mean literally, I am warm as in, “Can someone turn on the air conditioner?” It is currently a balmy -5C or 23F degrees outside. Don’t worry I am taking the necessary steps to cool myself off: I’ve managed to drink 1 ½ of water in the last hour to cool my body core. I have taken a cold shower, I have turned off the furnace in the house, and I am sitting in my office with both windows open creating a cross-breeze. So far nothing has proven successful. I may have to break out the summer fans to get some sleep; I can not sleep if I am too warm. My next step is to get into our deep freeze and just go to sleep in there.
Up-Date:
As I near the end of week one I am thrilled to report that I am on track with my exercise goals. I have fulfilled all obligations for this week-so far. Tomorrow is the gym. I bought cute new workout capri pants to wear tomorrow. They were only $7.00! And the good news is: I did not HAVE buy them in the plus size department, but if I had bought them there they would have been closer to $30.00. What a total rip off for plus-size clothes! How do those guys sleep at night? (David says, “On their big pile of money!” )
Well my toes are starting to get a little cold now so I guess I will give bed a try.
Good Night All!
Up-Date:
As I near the end of week one I am thrilled to report that I am on track with my exercise goals. I have fulfilled all obligations for this week-so far. Tomorrow is the gym. I bought cute new workout capri pants to wear tomorrow. They were only $7.00! And the good news is: I did not HAVE buy them in the plus size department, but if I had bought them there they would have been closer to $30.00. What a total rip off for plus-size clothes! How do those guys sleep at night? (David says, “On their big pile of money!” )
Well my toes are starting to get a little cold now so I guess I will give bed a try.
Good Night All!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
I Gained Weight!
I feel like selling the farm, giving up the goat. I don’t have a goat to give so we are okay on goat trading today, but at any rate I am frustrated. I will let you know that I am typing very slowly because in addition to typing I am also banging my head against my desk. I know that this is counterproductive, but I don’t know what else to do. Seriously I am out of ideas.
Let’s have a frank discussion about my weight loss. My cage is all rattled up, because of my difficulties, so let’s just deal with it. In case you just tuned in I have been struggling to lose weight. I know I make it look easy at times, but if I am being absolutely honest I have to tell you that it is harder than it looks. I have hit the wall so hard I have given myself a concussion. The truth is during the month of January I have successfully managed to gain 2 pounds. OUCH!
I am not happy with these results. I am going to take action. I am not a person who cries and expects the world to fix my problems. I am a fix-it-myself-kinda-girl. (Once I stop banging my head on my desk….okay…)
Here is my plan:
1. Start a six day exercise regime (The word regime just sounds so intimidating, like you know it is going to be a lot of work, and it is going to involve a lot of pain.)
2. Cut my calories down drastically. (I have to do this with pure self-control. I am in need of a fill, but my doctor is under the opinion that I need to wait four more weeks.)
3. Get a lap ban…wait I already did that. (Darn that thing is supposed to work wonders too.)
Exercise Regime:
Monday: Curves
Tuesday: Yoga
Wednesday: Curves
Thursday: Swimming
Friday: Gym
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, Sunday: One hour walk
(If you see me out and about on any given day not doing my exercises, please return me to the nearest gym, yoga hut, or Curves outlet.)
My goal is to lose 15 pounds by March 4th. I will be doing this on a wing and a prayer. Wish me good luck; because this is not a goal…this is my reality.
Let’s have a frank discussion about my weight loss. My cage is all rattled up, because of my difficulties, so let’s just deal with it. In case you just tuned in I have been struggling to lose weight. I know I make it look easy at times, but if I am being absolutely honest I have to tell you that it is harder than it looks. I have hit the wall so hard I have given myself a concussion. The truth is during the month of January I have successfully managed to gain 2 pounds. OUCH!
I am not happy with these results. I am going to take action. I am not a person who cries and expects the world to fix my problems. I am a fix-it-myself-kinda-girl. (Once I stop banging my head on my desk….okay…)
Here is my plan:
1. Start a six day exercise regime (The word regime just sounds so intimidating, like you know it is going to be a lot of work, and it is going to involve a lot of pain.)
2. Cut my calories down drastically. (I have to do this with pure self-control. I am in need of a fill, but my doctor is under the opinion that I need to wait four more weeks.)
3. Get a lap ban…wait I already did that. (Darn that thing is supposed to work wonders too.)
Exercise Regime:
Monday: Curves
Tuesday: Yoga
Wednesday: Curves
Thursday: Swimming
Friday: Gym
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, Sunday: One hour walk
(If you see me out and about on any given day not doing my exercises, please return me to the nearest gym, yoga hut, or Curves outlet.)
My goal is to lose 15 pounds by March 4th. I will be doing this on a wing and a prayer. Wish me good luck; because this is not a goal…this is my reality.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
When You Get Knocked On Your Butt by the Flu
I have been M.I.A. from blogging for a few weeks because I was sick. I had a flu-cold combo, which turns into the “I-bet-you-wish-you-were-dead-huh?” flu-cold combination. No matter how much I pleaded, bribed, or begged it would not release me from its deadly grip. I would go to bed at night with the hopes that tomorrow would be the day that the tides would change and I would feel better. I would open my eyes in the morning, and I still felt like crap. I bought medication after medication believing their promise of wellness. After watching a commercial for some wonder drug I would turn to David and say, “Quick the drug store is closing in ten minutes; get me some of that! I have every symptom listed, and it says it will fix every one of them! Why would they lie? Don’t give me that face…yes I know you are in your PJs but we are at war!” As you can see I put a lot of faith in commercials.
Now I am not admitting to anything, but it may have been the countless trips to the drugstore at midnight, or just being around me, but David decided the best way to get out of going to the store was to get sick too. There were days we would just sleep in bed, and nothing else; except for the occasional whimper of pain. We also enjoyed the playing the game “Who is the Most Tired.” (To play this game you have to convince the other person you couldn’t possibly get up and cook dinner or do any other chores around the house. I must tell you that I was very good at this game; in fact I am the house champion!) As of now I am taking care of the house, because David is still a little under the weather, but he will not admit it.
I have learned a lot from this whole experience: flues are getting worse and are harder to kill off, and I must remember to get a flu shot in October next year!
Now I am not admitting to anything, but it may have been the countless trips to the drugstore at midnight, or just being around me, but David decided the best way to get out of going to the store was to get sick too. There were days we would just sleep in bed, and nothing else; except for the occasional whimper of pain. We also enjoyed the playing the game “Who is the Most Tired.” (To play this game you have to convince the other person you couldn’t possibly get up and cook dinner or do any other chores around the house. I must tell you that I was very good at this game; in fact I am the house champion!) As of now I am taking care of the house, because David is still a little under the weather, but he will not admit it.
I have learned a lot from this whole experience: flues are getting worse and are harder to kill off, and I must remember to get a flu shot in October next year!
Saturday, January 5, 2008
My Christmas Weight Loss Challenge.
For my faithful followers,
In December I made a weight loss goal to lose 8.5 pounds, which is what most people gain during the holiday season. I don’t know how I did it, but by the skin of my teeth I did it! I lost 8.5 pounds during the holiday season. (Amy 1. Holiday cookies 0. )
In December I made a weight loss goal to lose 8.5 pounds, which is what most people gain during the holiday season. I don’t know how I did it, but by the skin of my teeth I did it! I lost 8.5 pounds during the holiday season. (Amy 1. Holiday cookies 0. )
Friday, January 4, 2008
Happy 3 Month Anniversary!
Anniversaries mean a lot to me. Much to David’s chagrin I celebrate everything. In translation that usually involves him having to “celebrate” by shopping, and me “celebrating” by receiving.
Me: David do you know what today is?
Little beads of sweat start to form on his brow, and his eyes start to fixate like a deer unable to move away from certain tragedy, because he knows what is coming next he just doesn’t know what form it will take.
David: What’s today?
Amy: You don’t know? (My voice starts to crack. David’s head starts to throb.)
I should stop here and save the man, because it could be anything! It could be the anniversary of our first kiss. The anniversary of the first day we moved in together. The anniversary of day he asked me to marry him. It could be the anniversary we bought our first home; you get the idea. My memory is long, and David failed to invest in a calendar, so sometimes he gets blindsided. The worse one for David is our wedding anniversary. I will say up front he has never forgotten our wedding anniversary. I just throw him curve balls every chance I get.
David: Hey Amy do you know what tomorrow is?
Me: Yeah, but it is no big deal.
Now he looks confused and tired, because he has spent countless nights unable to sleep, because he was trying to plan our perfect anniversary.
Me: We don’t have to do anything big to celebrate; let’s just do something small.
David: Okay.
The problem was my definition of something “small”. For my part it meant I will get David something small to show I am thinking about him, and I will make him dinner. For David’s part it should be business as usual. Unfortunately for him he thought small meant small. He scrapped his “big” idea which would have been fine, and went for “small” which was not fine. We had been married for a few years before David caught on to my definition of “small” in regards to our anniversary.
2008 will be our thirteen wedding anniversary, and we will probably have a “small” celebration. David will spend sleepless nights planning how to shower me with tokens of love, and I will make him his favorite chicken dinner. Everyone will be happy.
January 3rd is my three month anniversary for being banded. I have lost 43 pounds. I am celebrating the day by working out. The question is: does David know it is an anniversary day? Hmmm… should I tell him or let the poor guy get some sleep?
Me: David do you know what today is?
Little beads of sweat start to form on his brow, and his eyes start to fixate like a deer unable to move away from certain tragedy, because he knows what is coming next he just doesn’t know what form it will take.
David: What’s today?
Amy: You don’t know? (My voice starts to crack. David’s head starts to throb.)
I should stop here and save the man, because it could be anything! It could be the anniversary of our first kiss. The anniversary of the first day we moved in together. The anniversary of day he asked me to marry him. It could be the anniversary we bought our first home; you get the idea. My memory is long, and David failed to invest in a calendar, so sometimes he gets blindsided. The worse one for David is our wedding anniversary. I will say up front he has never forgotten our wedding anniversary. I just throw him curve balls every chance I get.
David: Hey Amy do you know what tomorrow is?
Me: Yeah, but it is no big deal.
Now he looks confused and tired, because he has spent countless nights unable to sleep, because he was trying to plan our perfect anniversary.
Me: We don’t have to do anything big to celebrate; let’s just do something small.
David: Okay.
The problem was my definition of something “small”. For my part it meant I will get David something small to show I am thinking about him, and I will make him dinner. For David’s part it should be business as usual. Unfortunately for him he thought small meant small. He scrapped his “big” idea which would have been fine, and went for “small” which was not fine. We had been married for a few years before David caught on to my definition of “small” in regards to our anniversary.
2008 will be our thirteen wedding anniversary, and we will probably have a “small” celebration. David will spend sleepless nights planning how to shower me with tokens of love, and I will make him his favorite chicken dinner. Everyone will be happy.
January 3rd is my three month anniversary for being banded. I have lost 43 pounds. I am celebrating the day by working out. The question is: does David know it is an anniversary day? Hmmm… should I tell him or let the poor guy get some sleep?
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Happy Holidays and Other Things That People Say!
Wow December hit me like a ton of bricks. I never appreciated what that saying truly meant until now. There I was relaxing, drinking my Starbucks, watching my Christmas tree rotate, and the next thing I know I am being held hostage in a 24-hour Wal-Mart looking for this year’s sold-out-must-have-gift: Password Journal. All the while I am thinking to myself why in the world would my only child need a "password" journal? As her parents we not about to intrude on her privacy, but obviously I can not speak for the cat and dog. Usually I am a prepared gift giver, but this year I screwed the pooch. All my gifts were last minute. We travelled over 100 km to look for this toy. We hunted in Toy's R Us and Wal-Marts; we would have tried more stores but they were the only ones that catered to desperate parents at midnight. Normally after the first store I would have said, "Screw it", but it became an obsession. At 2am we were standing in Wal-Mart which happened to be crowded. We couldn’t walk through the isles without bumping into desperate shoppers. I realized then we were never going to find this toy, because if they ever had this stupid toy; they wouldn't have had anymore at two in morning! We were about eighteen hours too late. We ended getting her High School Musical 2. I won't even mention that the lines were twenty customers long at 2 am. Go home and sleep for God’s sake…oh wait I was there too…never mind.
Then there was the gift wrapping itself. It takes me an hour or so to wrap a gift. I just can't put a bow on the gift and call it good. If that was all that is expected of me the folks at Hallmark wouldn't have made curling ribbon and such. While I wrapped the gifts I watched Christmas movies and prime time TV. Let’s just say I watched a lot of TV.
We visited my in-laws. At my in-laws we have Christmas traditions that I adore. We eat a wonderful Christmas dinner, for dessert we eat rice pudding, we try and win chocolates by finding the almond in the pudding, we sing Christmas songs around the Christmas tree, Holly plays Santa Claus, and my father-in-law complains that I use too much tape. (Which I do, but I can't break a tradition.) My in-laws spoil me at Christmas, but the best gift they have given me for Christmas is the traditions we celebrate.
On Christmas day we flew to my mother's house for Christmas. My future sister-in-law (if my brother would get around to marrying her) made a wonderful Christmas dinner. My whole family was there, which was a great feeling. The family sat around the tree, which was wonderful because it was the first time that we had all been together in ten years. My favourite part was that Santa remembered to fill my childhood stocking. My family may not have traditions, because we fly by the seat of our pants when it comes to Christmas, but it was still magical. I would have to say bar-none it was the best Christmas we ever celebrated.
On New Years we spent it with friends. We had gourmet food, watched great British TV, and rung in the New Year with Dick Clark.
My holidays were spectacular, how were yours?
Then there was the gift wrapping itself. It takes me an hour or so to wrap a gift. I just can't put a bow on the gift and call it good. If that was all that is expected of me the folks at Hallmark wouldn't have made curling ribbon and such. While I wrapped the gifts I watched Christmas movies and prime time TV. Let’s just say I watched a lot of TV.
We visited my in-laws. At my in-laws we have Christmas traditions that I adore. We eat a wonderful Christmas dinner, for dessert we eat rice pudding, we try and win chocolates by finding the almond in the pudding, we sing Christmas songs around the Christmas tree, Holly plays Santa Claus, and my father-in-law complains that I use too much tape. (Which I do, but I can't break a tradition.) My in-laws spoil me at Christmas, but the best gift they have given me for Christmas is the traditions we celebrate.
On Christmas day we flew to my mother's house for Christmas. My future sister-in-law (if my brother would get around to marrying her) made a wonderful Christmas dinner. My whole family was there, which was a great feeling. The family sat around the tree, which was wonderful because it was the first time that we had all been together in ten years. My favourite part was that Santa remembered to fill my childhood stocking. My family may not have traditions, because we fly by the seat of our pants when it comes to Christmas, but it was still magical. I would have to say bar-none it was the best Christmas we ever celebrated.
On New Years we spent it with friends. We had gourmet food, watched great British TV, and rung in the New Year with Dick Clark.
My holidays were spectacular, how were yours?
Monday, December 17, 2007
What I Did Last Weekend.
For the last few weeks I have been planning a Christmas Open House for my neighbours and new friends. I had a hard time deciding if I was actually going to host this party. My family was on stand-by minute to minute. Yes…no…maybe. "Well now I bought Christmas bathroom towels, so I guess we have to have the party. Hey look the invitations are 60% off; it’s like it’s meant to be!" I decided to host a party based on the price of cards and bathroom towels. After a lot of procrastination I wrote out the invitations to our bash, but to be perfectly honest I didn’t know all of our neighbour’s names, so I left the cards blank. I hand delivered the invitations door-to-door. I used to sell vacuum cleaners door-to-door, so I won’t lie to you; it was a little nerve racking talking to strangers, and inviting to my home nonetheless.
I was very lucky David and Holly supported my crazy party idea. We shopped for the perfect plastic Christmas table covering, Christmas tree ornaments, napkins, cups, and everything else you might possibly need for a party. I even bought mistletoe; I don’t know what in the world I was thinking; meet’em and kiss’em? Wow this is a friendly house! You’ll be happy to know that we put the mistletoe in the far corner, and to my knowledge it wasn’t used. I have always wanted to have a Christmas party that included mistletoe, so this party qualified.
I was positive that only a few people would show up, but to my happy surprise over 50 people made an appearance! Our home was packed, and I was thrilled. They ate our food and drank our wine; it was the best Christmas present I have ever received. Speaking of presents, our guest brought so many wonderful gifts-it was amazing! I am glad we opened our home to our neighbours, and friends. We are new to the area, so now we feel a little more connected and at home. I finally get what Christmas is about. It is about people, and sharing the season with them. I can’t wait to host next year’s open house.
As for the mistletoe it has gone to good use. David has started to carry it around the house with him, and wherever I am the mistletoe happens to be. I am so flattered. He says that maybe he is abusing it, but I told him that it won’t be considered abused until May.
I was very lucky David and Holly supported my crazy party idea. We shopped for the perfect plastic Christmas table covering, Christmas tree ornaments, napkins, cups, and everything else you might possibly need for a party. I even bought mistletoe; I don’t know what in the world I was thinking; meet’em and kiss’em? Wow this is a friendly house! You’ll be happy to know that we put the mistletoe in the far corner, and to my knowledge it wasn’t used. I have always wanted to have a Christmas party that included mistletoe, so this party qualified.
I was positive that only a few people would show up, but to my happy surprise over 50 people made an appearance! Our home was packed, and I was thrilled. They ate our food and drank our wine; it was the best Christmas present I have ever received. Speaking of presents, our guest brought so many wonderful gifts-it was amazing! I am glad we opened our home to our neighbours, and friends. We are new to the area, so now we feel a little more connected and at home. I finally get what Christmas is about. It is about people, and sharing the season with them. I can’t wait to host next year’s open house.
As for the mistletoe it has gone to good use. David has started to carry it around the house with him, and wherever I am the mistletoe happens to be. I am so flattered. He says that maybe he is abusing it, but I told him that it won’t be considered abused until May.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Anyone Got A Light?
I have been trying to write for a few days, but I am hitting a wall. I think it is because I haven’t been dealing with something that has been weighing heavily on my mind. I am so tired of keeping it bottled up that the pressure has caused my whole body to be exceptionally tired. Even my fingers are tired they feel as if I clenching them for two weeks straight. What I am about to say is personal. I don’t know who reads my blog, maybe no one does, but I have to say it anyway…
Last month a dear friend and I broke off our relationship. I decided that it would be in our best interest to go our separate ways after receiving an email from her. She was upset about my weight loss surgery, and the changes I was expressing. I believe she likes me better overweight. She said that she wasn’t ready to support me, and didn’t know if or when she would be ready to support me. We were friends since we were children, and I thought we would friends until our dying day. There is a lot of “baggage” on both of our parts that finally come to pass. I have to admit my dreams of forever were just pipe dreams.
My other friends and family who understand the history between my friend and I are happy to see us part company. In fact they are all relieved. I am sure most of their anger is in part due to the pain I have exhibited during the last few weeks. But here is the rub: while everyone is having a ticker-tape-parade about our separation- I am here feeling heartbroken. It is hard for me to find anyone to talk to, because most people that I confide in have a hard time containing their happiness. It is hard to talk to someone when they are thrilled that you cut someone out of your life that they deemed toxic. However I want to scream, “What about my pain? Like her or not- she was a big part of my life, and I happen to think she was special.”
Am I supposed to pick myself up and move on? Yeah, because that is what I have done. I am working out, taking care of myself, keeping busy, and planning a party. I am doing what is expected of me.
I would have been fine, except someone important to me told me that this could have been avoided if I had just protected myself. Apparently, I am too open, thereby leaving an opportunity for people to hurt me. I need to keep secrets. For instance: if she never knew about my surgery then we could still been friends. In short: I need to keep secrets from all of you. I need to refrain from showing you how happy I am, because it may cause some of you to blow out my light. Knock me down. I need to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve, because it makes me vulnerable. Because of the “event” and this conversation my spirit feels ripped apart. I want to cry, because if this is what I have to do to protect myself then what is the point? To me life is about experiences and happiness. I have had so much joy robbed from me in the last three years; that every little bit I get is a gift. I don’t want to hide it away like a miser; I want to share it with the world! What I have a hard time understanding is this: I don’t want to hurt other people. My intentions are to light to other people’s burnt out candles; not to stomp it out. I thought most people shared my values. Now I feel stupid, lonely, confused, but I am still determined to get through this.
As for my friend and I…we can never have a relationship again. I know when things are not good for either of us, and this relationship was not healthy. I wish somebody would understand how much this is hurting, and no be so damn happy with the fact she is gone. I know in time I will find a proper perspective for this special past relationship, and it will be something that I can take with me on my journey. Her voice will always be with me, and her goodness will always be in my heart. I wish she could have loved me thick or thin.
I am just telling everyone who is reading this that I am refusing to cover up my light! If you want to stomp on it; I say bring it on, because I am stocking up on matches! To the person who criticizes my heart on my sleeve, if you don’t like it…there is the door! I don’t feel better yet, but I am a fighter, so don’t worry too much about me.
Last month a dear friend and I broke off our relationship. I decided that it would be in our best interest to go our separate ways after receiving an email from her. She was upset about my weight loss surgery, and the changes I was expressing. I believe she likes me better overweight. She said that she wasn’t ready to support me, and didn’t know if or when she would be ready to support me. We were friends since we were children, and I thought we would friends until our dying day. There is a lot of “baggage” on both of our parts that finally come to pass. I have to admit my dreams of forever were just pipe dreams.
My other friends and family who understand the history between my friend and I are happy to see us part company. In fact they are all relieved. I am sure most of their anger is in part due to the pain I have exhibited during the last few weeks. But here is the rub: while everyone is having a ticker-tape-parade about our separation- I am here feeling heartbroken. It is hard for me to find anyone to talk to, because most people that I confide in have a hard time containing their happiness. It is hard to talk to someone when they are thrilled that you cut someone out of your life that they deemed toxic. However I want to scream, “What about my pain? Like her or not- she was a big part of my life, and I happen to think she was special.”
Am I supposed to pick myself up and move on? Yeah, because that is what I have done. I am working out, taking care of myself, keeping busy, and planning a party. I am doing what is expected of me.
I would have been fine, except someone important to me told me that this could have been avoided if I had just protected myself. Apparently, I am too open, thereby leaving an opportunity for people to hurt me. I need to keep secrets. For instance: if she never knew about my surgery then we could still been friends. In short: I need to keep secrets from all of you. I need to refrain from showing you how happy I am, because it may cause some of you to blow out my light. Knock me down. I need to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve, because it makes me vulnerable. Because of the “event” and this conversation my spirit feels ripped apart. I want to cry, because if this is what I have to do to protect myself then what is the point? To me life is about experiences and happiness. I have had so much joy robbed from me in the last three years; that every little bit I get is a gift. I don’t want to hide it away like a miser; I want to share it with the world! What I have a hard time understanding is this: I don’t want to hurt other people. My intentions are to light to other people’s burnt out candles; not to stomp it out. I thought most people shared my values. Now I feel stupid, lonely, confused, but I am still determined to get through this.
As for my friend and I…we can never have a relationship again. I know when things are not good for either of us, and this relationship was not healthy. I wish somebody would understand how much this is hurting, and no be so damn happy with the fact she is gone. I know in time I will find a proper perspective for this special past relationship, and it will be something that I can take with me on my journey. Her voice will always be with me, and her goodness will always be in my heart. I wish she could have loved me thick or thin.
I am just telling everyone who is reading this that I am refusing to cover up my light! If you want to stomp on it; I say bring it on, because I am stocking up on matches! To the person who criticizes my heart on my sleeve, if you don’t like it…there is the door! I don’t feel better yet, but I am a fighter, so don’t worry too much about me.
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