I am so tired of eating ala Fred Flintstone style. It’s a sight to see me eat soup, it really it is. It’s difficult to type this entry; so many errors, and mistakes. I have to think of what I want to say, and force my fingers to hit the right keys. Thank goodness for the backspace key. I’m frustrated because of the nasty tremors that make my figures, and hands disobey me.
It’s Christmas. My favorite Christmas tradition is wrapping the gifts. I buy only the best wrapping paper, and fabric ribbons. (I would never dream of using a bow that comes in a bag.) Convenient yes, but brilliantly beautiful- no. Okay, fine, I am a child of marketing.
You’ve guessed it… I can not wrap the gifts this year! I tried I really did, but more times than not I spent my time accidentally ‘unwrapping’ the gifts because my hands had a mind of their own. I tried to explain to my body that those gifts were not for me, and that they are to cease the ripping and tearing immediately, but they still kept unwrapping them.
If you were walking by at that moment, and happened to glace in my front window I betcha I would have looked crazy. I was actually arguing with my body parts. Finally I gave up. To be perfectly honest I ran out of tape. Holly and David have taken over the gift wrapping duties this year.
In my spare time I decided that I would crochet a scarf for my daughter. I am wonderful at crocheting. I can whip up a scarf in no time- clean edges, perfect spacing, and terrific shape. (I only know how to make scarves and blankets mind you, but I know how to do them well!) Now, not so much; I started my scarf on December 3rd. It is December 21st and I haven’t completed one full row. I have had to take the damn scarf apart so many times due to fatal errors. I can’t keep the tension steady.
Today I decided ‘hell with crocheting’; instead I am going to knit. ‘Why not? I knit even better than I crochet!’ (Still scarves and blankets.) Yeah but that was a really bad idea- let’s just say that my knitting needles are outside in the grass. I would have flattened them using the car, but the needles could have punctured the tires. As it stands at the moment I am surrounded by numerous balls of yarn, and no ability to use them. I probably will go out and rescue my needles from the lawn, and try again because giving up is not how I roll. But why does everything feel so much harder?
My break from blogging is now over. I now understand that I can’t wish my illness, or my physical impairments away. The problem was that these nightmares were constantly invading my mind, and I couldn’t write about anything else. I have said many times- I don’t want this blog to be an unhappy place. (It is more for me than it is for you.) I like writing about all the good in my life; it helps remind me of how lucky I am.
I am just going to blog, and blog, and blog. If I want to write about eggnog lattes, Ford Focus’, Starbucks, spinning Christmas trees, my favorite color, redecorating, or why less, and less people have hung Christmas lights this year- I will.
But for now I am going to stop. My fingers are dancing on the keyboard to their own beat, and it’s getting painful to control them.
I’ll be back soon- pity party over.
