Blood Test

*This blog has not been edited for grammar error due to timing constraints

At the moment I am supposed to be decking the halls- translation: cleaning the house, and acting as a stand-in elf- translation: wrapping two dozen gifts.

The problem with my gift wrapping is that it takes me so long to wrap a gift. I turn into the spawn of Martha Stewart. This year in addition to the fancy paper, the fabric ribbon, expensive gift tags (The Santa gift tag actually has moving legs and arms; how cute is that?) I have added jingle bells to each gift; all different colors, hey you gotta match the bow, right? Every gift has to be perfect. To me presentation is almost as important is the gift itself. I spent all that time picking out the gift and just to put cheap wrapping paper and .10 bow on it would be a travesty to me.

Instead of fulfilling my commitments of wrapping, cleaning, and doing whatever else needs to be done today, I am sitting on my bum blogging.

I haven't lost any weight. I haven't gained any weight either so it isn't all bad.

I have kept to my goals. But I know why my weight is staying stagnant. I had some blood test done figuring that I was a diabetic. I was all ready to give up sugar, but it turns out that my TSH was high, meaning that my thyroid is under active. That explains why I am tired, cold, sad, and my weight gain. What did I say? WEIGHT GAIN! It makes sense. I know that I was not following the perfect lap band diet but I still wasn't stuffing my face, and now that I am exercising and not drinking anything but water and the occasional Starbucks mocha I should be losing at least a little weight. My doctor gave me some pills and assured me that everything would work out. He said I would lose these 10 pounds, and the best part is that I would get my energy back! How great is that? I am so happy.

Remember how I told you that I had blood work done and I thought that I might have been a diabetic? I wasn't. The my results that I DID get...well I wish I was diabetic. During the last year I had 3 other blood test but I never went in for the results. My doctor didn't call so I didn't think anything was wrong. This time I had to go in a week after this test because I had to have my 'lady examination'. This time I did get my blood work results. It was crappy.

*Never get blood work done before the holidays. I figured out that December 27 is a good day because you probably won't get the results back until after the new year. I am just saying...

It turns out that my kidneys are failing. Shitty. I'll say it again- shitty. I am at 56% at the moment. The challenge is that my kidneys have lost 30% function in the last year. I am not going to go into all the medical crap.

I can't believe this happened. I already signed up for the mental illness thing. I shouldn't have to do both. I am not feeling sorry for myself. I mean, I just want to say, 'Really?' Okay, now I am moving on to getting this under control. I am now in the process of turning my life upside down to change my entire diet and now I HAVE to exercise. This now became a life or death matter. Just to let you know I got the lap band to avoid a premature death, so there is no way that I am going to let this thing win. I don't want to have to a kidney transplant, or be on dialysis; that would really suck. There is no way I am changing the name of this blog to: 'I REALLY WANT A KIDNEY.' So bring it on. I am ready. I am staying positive, but next year I am going on December 27th to get my blood work.

Weight Gain Sucks...Blogging Silently

I am so sorry that I have not been here in forever. I could give you a lot of intelligent reasons, but the real reason is I got an iPhone and I have been playing games on my phone. Shame on me. I have been blogging in my head almost everyday, and the blogs have been execellent. You would've have loved them. Some of my best work happens in my head; if only I could attach a cable from laptop to my brain.

I just want to start my blog with: it's Christmas time again! The Starbucks red cups are out again. I love those red guys. It's the little things that make me the happiest.

I don't know what to blog about because I have blogged everyday about everything in my head...

Alright, it's time to come clean. I am a little depressed. I managed to gain some weight in the last year. I can't seem to take it off either.

Maybe that is because I am drinking high calorie beverages. I seem to think it is okay for me to be indulging in eggnog, fruit punch rock star's, hot chocolate with whipping cream, juice, and soda- and my friends, I am not partaking in diet soda, nope it's high fructose all the way!

And if we are admitting things I should tell you that I have turned in to a big blob. Exercise, what is that? It's too cold, it's too hot, it's raining, I'm too tired to go to the gym, I'm too busy playing games on my iPhone, there isn't enough blog space to list all of my stupid reasons.

Lastly, I can change my blog name to: I HAVE HAD A LOT OF COOKIES! Enough said.

So don't feel sorry for me and my spare tire; I earned it. Even with the band, which is just a tool I found ways to sabotage myself. After thought, mediation, and looking at my bank account realizing I have spent $25,000 to look hot damn. I can not throw it away. Mainly it came down to the cash, but hey whatever motivates me to change is a good thing.

Beverages, and cookies have been removed from home, and I today exercised, I wished for the Bodybugg from Santa, and I think he will come through, and I still have my band which I had serviced a few weeks ago. I think I am ready to go. Goodbye iPhone, hello iPod.