Here is my life since: 2007-
I went and got me a lapband. Lost a bunch of weight. (Thumbs up. Wrote a lot in my blog, 'cus life was coming up good!)
2008- I was put on a new drug to control my bipolar; weight loss came to a halt. I was ashamed-didn't want to leave the house. Sure I wasn't going bonkers, but I was depressed. Spent my time watching daytime TV, dieting, working out on a treadmill, and wondering what the hell was keeping me from losing weight.
-2010 the same stuff was going on but I have just seem to get worse. Thought if I got a tummy tuck I would feel better. Not so much. In fact felt worse than ever.
2010 - 2011- I have done nothing! No treadmill, no nothing. Lost my will to survive.
Well that was until today...
I am so tired of being tired. I am more beaten down now then I was when I was 250 pounds. I had a better attitude then too; I remember being happier. I am so tired of being down on myself. I can't do it anymore. Today is the day where I fight back. Today is the day when I remember who I am and that means I remember how tough I am!
I have gained weight- of course during this past year. Duh! About 10 pounds. I need to lose about 15 pounds to make a difference in my appearance or my tummy tuck will have been for nothing. I used to make Youtube videos but I'm so ashamed of my appearance that I just can't do it.
It is time to come out of hiding and make my dreams come true. I didn't come this far to be defeated.
This blog is called I REALLY WANT A COOKIE- and that is really what I want: a cookie, a cake, some ice cream, maybe a cheese burger, well the list goes on and on... But for the next 5 days my short-term goal is to cut out all sugar from my diet. That will means I will have to refrain from drinking Starbucks mochas, and enjoying all the sugary snacks that I love so much. I will also be participating in some form of exercise each day this week. The last thing I will do is journal my feelings here.
Right now I am scared. I don't want to give up the sugar and I don't want to move my lazy butt anywhere, but the thing about it is: I don't want to be so close to the finish line and stalled just out of reach. I want to accomplish my goals. I want to believe in myself. I want to believe I have the willpower, the self-control, the self-confidence, inner strength, and the love for myself to get to the finish line.
My current weight is 173.8. It was 168.2 just 3 weeks ago, but I went on a sugar
binge. I guess I hit rock bottom...Let's get this party started.
The picture on the left is
what I looked like last summer before I gained 10 pounds.
The picture on the right is what I look like today.
