Monday

I’m supposed to be at the gym today; as a matter of fact-right now. I went there in my mind I imagined the workout equipment, the cardio machines, and the weights. I figure I did such a good job imaging that I can forgo the actual ‘going’ part. Instead I will do some cardio on my treadmill which at the moment I prefer. I’m supposed to go to the gym Thursday maybe my memory won’t be so great then I will have to go.

Small steps… Last week I wouldn’t even have entertained the thought of going to the gym.

Amy in Wonderland

My home enables me to stay put and not go outside. You see I have a nice home; it is nicely decorated, calm, clean, and very relaxing. When people come over they give me the greatest compliment by saying that I have a home that is comfortable. Really? Of course it is, I have spent a lot of time and effort making my island of solitude wonderful. It is going to be hard to give up lounging about in my wonderland. I’m just being honest.

However, it is day three of the Amy Improvement Project. I feel like I’m going in the right direction.

Yesterday I took Holly to the doctors; yeah but, the ‘yay moment’ was that I walked there. Before this I would have only walk around my block, over, and over, and over, and over again. I have done many 10k walks just walking around my block. I fear my neighbors think I’m crazy, and they’re mostly right. But yesterday I walked 5k to Holly’s doctor who was not located on, or anywhere near my block. I had to walk through town to get there. I did it. To celebrate Holly and I went to… yup you guessed it…Starbucks to celebrate. She didn’t know we were celebrating but I did.

Today the weather is very grey outside. These are my favorite days, because I can justify not having to go anywhere, or do anything. I just sit back and relax. Today will be no different however I am going to stretch out my comfort zone inside my house. I’m going to prepare dinner. I hate cooking so much I would rather stick toothpicks in my eyeballs. But I’m going to cook anyway because I want to feel accomplished, even today.

I’m going to sign off and go walk on my treadmill and while I walk I will think about what I will make for dinner.

I'm Finally Getting Out Of The House- kinda, sorta, maybe, well at least online...

2010 is over!!!!

I’m doing a happy dance. I dare say that the year that just passed has been a very challenging year for me.

I just didn’t feel well. I have not been taking care of myself the way I know I should be. I have very little of my energy, I willingly became housebound, I have been in physical pain for long periods of time, and I have lived under a cloud of depression for what seemed like the whole of 2010. As a result of all of this I believe that this is why I gained seven pounds.

Becoming a hermit was the absolute worse. I never understood why some people couldn’t just go outside. ‘Come on; just walk out your door. It’s no big deal.’ Now I feel like I’m living in a parallel universe; I went from a doing-everything-living-life-person to what I am today which is a person who prefers to stay inside out of fear. Irony is a bitch. I’m so pissed off because I don’t want to be in this prison of my own design, I never wanted to be. I have friends and a life to live. I need to get back to it.

What I found odd is when I became a recluse to the outside world; I was difficult for me to be online. I no longer wanted to blog, post on my cherished sites, or even Facebook my friends.

I do not believe it’s too late for me. My desire for change runs very deep in me and I have a lot of determination to not let this get the best of me.

I have started to take vitamins and iron for my anemia, which will greatly improve my energy. I have also decided to eat healthier this year, and put together a doable exercise program to help any physical pain. But my must do in 2011 is to change my life back; I want to be free again, paroled this year. The first step is to start posting and blogging. I need to re-enter society.