Dear 2008,
We had so many plans together! Remember? You were going to encourage me buy sexy clothes and wear make-up everyday. You told me that I was beautiful and wanted to bring me out of my shell. You promised that you would be the year I would lose at least 50 pounds with your awesome 2008 help. Do you remember that you promised we would travel during your year? I believe you said our destination would be somewhere hot and tropical. You even hinted that we might visit New York this year. 2008, you said that we would throw lavish dinner parties so I could show you off to all of my friends, and maybe with your inspiration I would make some new friends. Why did I believe you? You made a lot promises that you failed to keep. Shame on you 2008!
The thing is I believed you. Yes it was true I was drunk when we first met, but in my defence we did meet at a New Year’s Eve party. And you looked so handsome and promising; I even dumped 2007 for you! He took it pretty hard; in fact no one has seen him since. Do you remember that night we met? I told you my hopes and dreams, and you told me that they would all come true as long as I stayed with you. What a fool I was! I waited month after month for the airlines to call and give me the good news that I was going to Mexico, or Hawaii. I even looked in my closet for new designer clothes; only to find my same old clothes that I got from 2007. (At least 2007 bought clothes for me.) Finally I would get on the scale only to be disappointed that I didn't lose the weight you promised that I would lose during your year. I was so despondent that I could not think about dolling myself up by putting on make-up! I waited a whole year for you to change my life, and it was a year that I wasted.
It is with regret that I have to give you the awful news that we are breaking it off. I can’t help it 2008, you were too good to be true. (I should have known better when you didn't called the next morning.) I can’t believe that you made me believe that I was going to accomplish so much if I just stuck it out with you. I had no idea that I had to commit and work to get these for- mentioned tasks completed. I thought that you, 2008 would arrange for me to travel and see the world. (It is true my suitcases were empty, but that is because you were supposed to buy expensive clothes.)(I am sorry I rant when I get upset.)
2008 we are totally done!
With dashed hopes,
Amy
I have some good news; I am meeting someone new tomorrow night. His name is 2009. I think I learned some valuable lessons from my relationship with dumb old 2008. One: Don’t hook up with someone when you’re drinking. Two: Don’t start planning dreams together after only seconds of making their acquaintance. Three: Don’t expect them to do all the work; you have to give a little too.
This year I am not going to drink when I meet 2009, as I will need a clear head to size him up with. I will not make any plans right away. (I don’t want to get my hopes up. I also don’t want to scare 2009 away.) Finally if I do ask 2009 to accommodate a few things for me; I will do my part to make sure that 2009 stays on top of everything. (You can’t let these years get away from you- they will just run amuck if you let them.) I won’t lie and say that I don’t hold high hopes for 2009; I do, I really do.
In fact 2009 better kick some serious ass!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
There Goes Santa Claus...
I am waving a big goodbye to Christmas. I have been sleeping for four days straight; in fact I am still in my jammies. I do plan on getting dressed sooner or later, but I haven’t gotten enough energy yet. Recovery is hard.
I de-trimmed the house today- in my jammies of course. How come it took me twelve hours to trim the house, and only fifteen minutes to take it down? (That is a head scratcher for sure.) It feels so good to have my house back to normal. The Christmas thing was nice, but my home didn’t feel the same. You have to understand that I love my home. I wish I could have you over for tea and cookies, because my house is so cozy and relaxing. My decorating taste is very eclectic. For example my mantle is home to three sparkly pinwheels in a Waterford crystal vase. I have a bubble gum dispenser in my living room, which serves a double purpose. First it is a décor item and a savings account. Don’t get me started on my kitchen.
Ahem, back to Christmas…
Christmas was interesting this year. Due to the weather we lost power for at least twelve hours on Christmas. We had a white Christmas; the problem was that the price of the fairy tale came in blizzard form. In the power outage I was freezing because it was cold in every room. It got dark early, and there didn’t seem to be enough candles to light the house. The worse part was we were not allowed to flush the toilets. You see we live on a septic field and therefore we have a pump, and if we run out of water something bad will happen. (Did I mention there were five of us, the power was out for over twelve hours, and there were just three bathrooms?) (By the way we were allowed to wash our hands, but that was all we were allowed to do with the water.) I ended up eating digestive cookies all day, because we could not open the fridge or cook. (That part was awesome!) In the end *we ended up cooking the turkey on the barbecue in a middle of the snow blizzard. *We used a Coleman stove to prepare the potatoes and veggies. The best part was *we didn’t have to do the dishes because of the water shortage situation. It was the best Christmas ever, because we were all together and nobody had to do anything but hang out together.
*When I say “we” in regards to cooking I mean my mother and father-in-law.
I bet you are wondering what I received for Christmas. Let’s just say I got everything on my list, except for the thousand dollar espresso machine… maybe next year.
I de-trimmed the house today- in my jammies of course. How come it took me twelve hours to trim the house, and only fifteen minutes to take it down? (That is a head scratcher for sure.) It feels so good to have my house back to normal. The Christmas thing was nice, but my home didn’t feel the same. You have to understand that I love my home. I wish I could have you over for tea and cookies, because my house is so cozy and relaxing. My decorating taste is very eclectic. For example my mantle is home to three sparkly pinwheels in a Waterford crystal vase. I have a bubble gum dispenser in my living room, which serves a double purpose. First it is a décor item and a savings account. Don’t get me started on my kitchen.
Ahem, back to Christmas…
Christmas was interesting this year. Due to the weather we lost power for at least twelve hours on Christmas. We had a white Christmas; the problem was that the price of the fairy tale came in blizzard form. In the power outage I was freezing because it was cold in every room. It got dark early, and there didn’t seem to be enough candles to light the house. The worse part was we were not allowed to flush the toilets. You see we live on a septic field and therefore we have a pump, and if we run out of water something bad will happen. (Did I mention there were five of us, the power was out for over twelve hours, and there were just three bathrooms?) (By the way we were allowed to wash our hands, but that was all we were allowed to do with the water.) I ended up eating digestive cookies all day, because we could not open the fridge or cook. (That part was awesome!) In the end *we ended up cooking the turkey on the barbecue in a middle of the snow blizzard. *We used a Coleman stove to prepare the potatoes and veggies. The best part was *we didn’t have to do the dishes because of the water shortage situation. It was the best Christmas ever, because we were all together and nobody had to do anything but hang out together.
*When I say “we” in regards to cooking I mean my mother and father-in-law.
I bet you are wondering what I received for Christmas. Let’s just say I got everything on my list, except for the thousand dollar espresso machine… maybe next year.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Santa Simon
My Christmas shopping is completed; thanks to online shopping. See I didn’t need a car, and the best thing was I didn’t have to “shark” around the parking lot looking for a parking spot. Nope, my comfortable chair was always available; with the exception of times when my cat was online shopping. At least that is what he told me. (It looked like he was curled up sleeping, but what do I know? Cats are very complicated creatures.) I shared the chair and the computer with him because he promised to pay his own shipping and handling charges, and buy me something really good for Christmas. I booked marked pages for him. I hope he gets me the $3,000 espresso machine!
My dog actually goes out shopping. He fights with the crowds, and given the fact that he is only about a foot tall I worry about his safety. My puppy Simon loves to shop. He likes to go to the historical part of our town. This part of town is where time has stood still. The storefronts and sidewalks shift you back in time at least 50 years. However the stores are filled with overpriced giftware, trendy cookware, and home décor items. It is a browsers paradise. My dog loves going there. I think it is because getting there requires a walk from our home to this historical time treasure. Not to mention he gets a lot of, “Oh, look at that cute puppy! Can I pet him?”
Here is how my dog goes shopping:
I tell Simon what I want, and then David and Simon go searching for an item on my wish list. Simon even has a pouch that is filled with money that attaches to his collar. He looks really proud when he is walking with his pouch of cash. His head is high, his smile is wide, and his tail wags for the whole walk. On a side note he does not carry home the gifts; he just carries home the change.
When he gets home he tells me what he bought me, but because I don’t speak dog I have no clue. Holly usually wraps his gift, because of the whole: “I have no thumbs” issue. (By the way she wraps on behalf of the cat as well, but that is due to the cat’s “I don’t give a damn” issue.)
As far as the cat goes I don’t think he online shops. I think we shop on his behalf, because when we open the gifts that he gives us; he looks as surprised too! Plus I have yet to see the UPS man; what is t
hat all about?
My dog actually goes out shopping. He fights with the crowds, and given the fact that he is only about a foot tall I worry about his safety. My puppy Simon loves to shop. He likes to go to the historical part of our town. This part of town is where time has stood still. The storefronts and sidewalks shift you back in time at least 50 years. However the stores are filled with overpriced giftware, trendy cookware, and home décor items. It is a browsers paradise. My dog loves going there. I think it is because getting there requires a walk from our home to this historical time treasure. Not to mention he gets a lot of, “Oh, look at that cute puppy! Can I pet him?”
Here is how my dog goes shopping:
I tell Simon what I want, and then David and Simon go searching for an item on my wish list. Simon even has a pouch that is filled with money that attaches to his collar. He looks really proud when he is walking with his pouch of cash. His head is high, his smile is wide, and his tail wags for the whole walk. On a side note he does not carry home the gifts; he just carries home the change.
When he gets home he tells me what he bought me, but because I don’t speak dog I have no clue. Holly usually wraps his gift, because of the whole: “I have no thumbs” issue. (By the way she wraps on behalf of the cat as well, but that is due to the cat’s “I don’t give a damn” issue.)
As far as the cat goes I don’t think he online shops. I think we shop on his behalf, because when we open the gifts that he gives us; he looks as surprised too! Plus I have yet to see the UPS man; what is t
hat all about?
Monday, December 8, 2008
A Lil" Bit Country
Eighteen months or so ago I moved to the “country”. I live in a town which has approximately 70,000 folks in it.
There are downsides to living in the outskirts of the big city. For instance our Wal-Mart does not believe that it needs to keep up with the times. It was built when our town had a population of 20,000 or so. The buyers for our Wal-Mart must have been kept in the dark about the steady increase of population; as a result our Wal-Mart shelves are bare. Our mall, if you can call it that; is a sad little mall just doing it’s best to help residents with their shopping needs. (The mall’s motto is: Please we beg you; don’t have a lot of needs, because we can’t help you, and we feel really bad about that!) As for our dining choices they are limited, and if you do find a restaurant- eat early, because most close before sunset. I would not say I live in a hick town. I would say I live in a town that has not grown up yet.
Having slammed my new town; I want to share the many perks of living here:
First and foremost there are THREE Starbucks within one mile of my home. If there was nothing else positive to say about my town; this fact alone would make it heads-and-shoulders above anywhere else. (They built the third one just after my arrival. My reputation preceded me. I think Starbuck’s is following me. Bo-Yah!)
Besides the Starbucks thing the other best thing about my town is the fact that traffic is very light. There is no such thing as bumper-to-bumper, or rush hour. We just mosey along in our cars; taking for granted how well we have it. When David and I moved here we were shocked by the lack of traffic; it was heaven. But as time went on we too have become blasé, and the lack of traffic has become common and inconsequential
Our retail shopping is the heart of the city, and the residential area branches out around it. Most residents can walk to Starbucks, shopping, drugstores, and other important necessities.
Sometimes we are forced out of our small town bubble to either go shopping or to visit family. (I don’t understand why our family won’t move out here with us. After all there is so much golfing. Yes this statement was directed straight at you guys. You know who you are!)
Now I would be the first to admit that I love shopping in the city. The city has all the cool stores. What Sears isn’t cool enough for me? When I am shopping at the cool stores in the city what I would like to know is:Where did all these other shoppers come from? Is everybody out shopping today? Why are these lines so long?
“HELLO, can anyone open another register? This is ridiculous! Do you see this? This is an outrage! Where is the manager? For goodness sakes go to Sears; Lord knows they need the business.” I am testy because back at home we have no lines!
Then there is walking through the mall. I have to navigate; because either I am bumping into other people’s shoulders or trying not to step on someone’s wondering child. (I will have you know that my record for knocking over toddlers is: four.)
Then there is the traffic! Holy Cow! I know I used to sit in this very traffic for an hour to go to work, but what I want to know is: Why did I do that? As you know I can not drive, but you know what is worse than driving in grid-lock? Being with a pissed-off-because-we-are-not-moving passenger in grid-lock!
“Why are the so many people on the roads? I thought they were all in the mall! How come it takes us three green lights before we can actually make our left turn? How do people live like this?”
To calm me down David suggests we grab a bite. Great idea! Let’s pick one of our old favourites that we can’t get at home. We get to the restaurant around 8pm. It is fab to be able to eat late! We notice there is a large group of people standing outside the restaurant. (This is not a good sign.) We make our way to the door and up to the hostess desk. We are advised that is it going to be a three hour wait. The good news is that the restaurant is open late, so they will have no trouble accommodating us! (Of course we will not need a starter course because we will have gnawed off our arms waiting for a table.)
We decide to screw it and go home, as we make our way home through the I-want-to-pull-out-my-hair-traffic, past the entire fine dining establishments with each of them having line-ups, past the huge mall with all the chic shops. It is at that very moment I decide that on-line shopping is the way to go, and maybe just maybe hometown cooking at 6:00pm isn’t so bad after all. The things that I wanted like the shopping and dining came at too high of a price, which was my time.
So as I write this entry I am sipping my coffee from Starbucks, and waiting on the UPS guy to bring me the shops that I couldn’t live without. (Let that dude suffer through traffic. I am going to stay in my bubble thank you very much.) The only downer to living here is the absence of family. For them and only them I will endure bumper-to-bumper traffic.
I am going to sign off so I can go and visit my neighbour. Yes it is true I do know all my neighbours names!
There are downsides to living in the outskirts of the big city. For instance our Wal-Mart does not believe that it needs to keep up with the times. It was built when our town had a population of 20,000 or so. The buyers for our Wal-Mart must have been kept in the dark about the steady increase of population; as a result our Wal-Mart shelves are bare. Our mall, if you can call it that; is a sad little mall just doing it’s best to help residents with their shopping needs. (The mall’s motto is: Please we beg you; don’t have a lot of needs, because we can’t help you, and we feel really bad about that!) As for our dining choices they are limited, and if you do find a restaurant- eat early, because most close before sunset. I would not say I live in a hick town. I would say I live in a town that has not grown up yet.
Having slammed my new town; I want to share the many perks of living here:
First and foremost there are THREE Starbucks within one mile of my home. If there was nothing else positive to say about my town; this fact alone would make it heads-and-shoulders above anywhere else. (They built the third one just after my arrival. My reputation preceded me. I think Starbuck’s is following me. Bo-Yah!)
Besides the Starbucks thing the other best thing about my town is the fact that traffic is very light. There is no such thing as bumper-to-bumper, or rush hour. We just mosey along in our cars; taking for granted how well we have it. When David and I moved here we were shocked by the lack of traffic; it was heaven. But as time went on we too have become blasé, and the lack of traffic has become common and inconsequential
Our retail shopping is the heart of the city, and the residential area branches out around it. Most residents can walk to Starbucks, shopping, drugstores, and other important necessities.
Sometimes we are forced out of our small town bubble to either go shopping or to visit family. (I don’t understand why our family won’t move out here with us. After all there is so much golfing. Yes this statement was directed straight at you guys. You know who you are!)
Now I would be the first to admit that I love shopping in the city. The city has all the cool stores. What Sears isn’t cool enough for me? When I am shopping at the cool stores in the city what I would like to know is:Where did all these other shoppers come from? Is everybody out shopping today? Why are these lines so long?
“HELLO, can anyone open another register? This is ridiculous! Do you see this? This is an outrage! Where is the manager? For goodness sakes go to Sears; Lord knows they need the business.” I am testy because back at home we have no lines!
Then there is walking through the mall. I have to navigate; because either I am bumping into other people’s shoulders or trying not to step on someone’s wondering child. (I will have you know that my record for knocking over toddlers is: four.)
Then there is the traffic! Holy Cow! I know I used to sit in this very traffic for an hour to go to work, but what I want to know is: Why did I do that? As you know I can not drive, but you know what is worse than driving in grid-lock? Being with a pissed-off-because-we-are-not-moving passenger in grid-lock!
“Why are the so many people on the roads? I thought they were all in the mall! How come it takes us three green lights before we can actually make our left turn? How do people live like this?”
To calm me down David suggests we grab a bite. Great idea! Let’s pick one of our old favourites that we can’t get at home. We get to the restaurant around 8pm. It is fab to be able to eat late! We notice there is a large group of people standing outside the restaurant. (This is not a good sign.) We make our way to the door and up to the hostess desk. We are advised that is it going to be a three hour wait. The good news is that the restaurant is open late, so they will have no trouble accommodating us! (Of course we will not need a starter course because we will have gnawed off our arms waiting for a table.)
We decide to screw it and go home, as we make our way home through the I-want-to-pull-out-my-hair-traffic, past the entire fine dining establishments with each of them having line-ups, past the huge mall with all the chic shops. It is at that very moment I decide that on-line shopping is the way to go, and maybe just maybe hometown cooking at 6:00pm isn’t so bad after all. The things that I wanted like the shopping and dining came at too high of a price, which was my time.
So as I write this entry I am sipping my coffee from Starbucks, and waiting on the UPS guy to bring me the shops that I couldn’t live without. (Let that dude suffer through traffic. I am going to stay in my bubble thank you very much.) The only downer to living here is the absence of family. For them and only them I will endure bumper-to-bumper traffic.
I am going to sign off so I can go and visit my neighbour. Yes it is true I do know all my neighbours names!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
I Promise to Tell the Truth Even if it Kills the Easter Bunny!
At the age of four my daughter’s illusion of Santa Claus being real was shattered. I wish that I could tell you that she saw mommy kissing Santa Claus, but that would be a lie. Here is what really happened:
It was March 2001 around Easter, and I was driving my daughter home from preschool. She was unusually quiet in the backseat, so I asked her, “Is there anything on your mind?”
We were stopped at a red light at the time, so I watched her from my rear view mirror as she finally piped up.
Holly: Mom I have a question
Me: What is it?
Holly: Will you tell me the truth?
Me: Of course
Holly: Promise?
Me: Yes.
Holly: Is there really an Easter bunny, because it doesn’t make sense to me. How can a bunny deliver baskets of candy when all he does is hop? I am so confused!
The light turned green. I pondered what to tell her, but at that moment I couldn’t think of a reasonable explanation. How does a bunny deliver baskets? Maybe if I hadn’t been driving I could have come up with something brilliant to tell her to cover up the fib we have been telling our children about this magical bunny.
Me: Well…(I promised to tell the truth. God looking back that is such a lame excuse. Don’t do it. Please DON’T DO IT!)
Mommy and daddy are the Easter bunnies, and we hide the basket for you.
You moron- You could have told her that you hid the basket where the Easter bunny told you to hide it. You could have told her anything but that. Come on she is four! (I hate after-the-fact-eight-years-later-internal-dialogue.)
She was very quiet and I suspected that she was digesting the holiday blow in her mind. Then she started with the questions again:
Holly: Mom?
Me: Yes, honey.
Holly: If there is no Easter bunny does that mean there is no Santa Claus too? Are you and daddy Santa?
Me: Yes baby we are…SHIIIIT!…. (That was even worse.)
Holly: That is terrible news.
At four! How could I have done that to her at four! After reading this entry if you decide that you want to stop reading my blog altogether I completely understand. (I can feel the hate mail coming in right now.) I will let you know that I do feed and clothe her, so I am not that bad of a mother.
I did manage to salvage some of the Christmas magic for her. At her grandparents house you can see a red blinking light in the distance. Her grandfather had told her that that was Santa’s workshop. (Bless his heart.) So when we got home I had a serious talk with her. I told her that her grandfather still believed that Santa was real. I asked her to not to let on that she knew Santa wasn’t real. She promised that she would never ever let him know that she knew our special secret. Cross her heart. At least one of us can keep a secret.
We spend Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning with my in-laws, so that helped my scheme. True to her word she put out the cookies, and she acted like she was surprised on Christmas morning when she received her stocking from “Santa”. When her grandfather pointed out the red blinking light she agreed that it indeed was Santa’s workshop, and that Santa’s elves must be hard at work.
I think she figured out that her grandfather “maybe” doesn’t really believe in Santa, but she has never asked him. She learned THAT lesson well when she was four. However she still does things to make her grandfather believe Santa is real. She will tell him that she heard Santa’s Reindeers on the roof. She may even point out the blinking red light from time-to-time. One thing I know for sure is I am so happy that “Farfar” (That is grandfather in Danish.) saved Christmas for Holly.
P.S.
By the way Holly never asked me if there was a tooth fairy. Good for her. I will let you know that her tooth fairy feels that she has to make up for all the other magical beings lost. As a result the fairy leaves Holly $5.00 a tooth. When Holly lost her top two front teeth she got $20.00 per tooth. Guilt can be very expensive.
It was March 2001 around Easter, and I was driving my daughter home from preschool. She was unusually quiet in the backseat, so I asked her, “Is there anything on your mind?”
We were stopped at a red light at the time, so I watched her from my rear view mirror as she finally piped up.
Holly: Mom I have a question
Me: What is it?
Holly: Will you tell me the truth?
Me: Of course
Holly: Promise?
Me: Yes.
Holly: Is there really an Easter bunny, because it doesn’t make sense to me. How can a bunny deliver baskets of candy when all he does is hop? I am so confused!
The light turned green. I pondered what to tell her, but at that moment I couldn’t think of a reasonable explanation. How does a bunny deliver baskets? Maybe if I hadn’t been driving I could have come up with something brilliant to tell her to cover up the fib we have been telling our children about this magical bunny.
Me: Well…(I promised to tell the truth. God looking back that is such a lame excuse. Don’t do it. Please DON’T DO IT!)
Mommy and daddy are the Easter bunnies, and we hide the basket for you.
You moron- You could have told her that you hid the basket where the Easter bunny told you to hide it. You could have told her anything but that. Come on she is four! (I hate after-the-fact-eight-years-later-internal-dialogue.)
She was very quiet and I suspected that she was digesting the holiday blow in her mind. Then she started with the questions again:
Holly: Mom?
Me: Yes, honey.
Holly: If there is no Easter bunny does that mean there is no Santa Claus too? Are you and daddy Santa?
Me: Yes baby we are…SHIIIIT!…. (That was even worse.)
Holly: That is terrible news.
At four! How could I have done that to her at four! After reading this entry if you decide that you want to stop reading my blog altogether I completely understand. (I can feel the hate mail coming in right now.) I will let you know that I do feed and clothe her, so I am not that bad of a mother.
I did manage to salvage some of the Christmas magic for her. At her grandparents house you can see a red blinking light in the distance. Her grandfather had told her that that was Santa’s workshop. (Bless his heart.) So when we got home I had a serious talk with her. I told her that her grandfather still believed that Santa was real. I asked her to not to let on that she knew Santa wasn’t real. She promised that she would never ever let him know that she knew our special secret. Cross her heart. At least one of us can keep a secret.
We spend Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning with my in-laws, so that helped my scheme. True to her word she put out the cookies, and she acted like she was surprised on Christmas morning when she received her stocking from “Santa”. When her grandfather pointed out the red blinking light she agreed that it indeed was Santa’s workshop, and that Santa’s elves must be hard at work.
I think she figured out that her grandfather “maybe” doesn’t really believe in Santa, but she has never asked him. She learned THAT lesson well when she was four. However she still does things to make her grandfather believe Santa is real. She will tell him that she heard Santa’s Reindeers on the roof. She may even point out the blinking red light from time-to-time. One thing I know for sure is I am so happy that “Farfar” (That is grandfather in Danish.) saved Christmas for Holly.
P.S.
By the way Holly never asked me if there was a tooth fairy. Good for her. I will let you know that her tooth fairy feels that she has to make up for all the other magical beings lost. As a result the fairy leaves Holly $5.00 a tooth. When Holly lost her top two front teeth she got $20.00 per tooth. Guilt can be very expensive.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Oh Tannenbaum!
Ah Christmas is here! What a lovely time to spend money we don’t have and eat food we shouldn’t eat. I like Christmas, and by no means am I the Grinch. I just happen to look like the guy when I wake up in the morning!
My least favorite past-time of the season is trimming our Christmas tree. To be more specific I don’t especially enjoy the setting up of the Christmas tree. We have a twelve year old artificial tree, which we bought when we were of lesser means. At the time we paid $140.00 with 60% off; which was a sweet deal even then. Being that our tree is older I have to do a lot more “spiffing” up to make it look like an actual tree. First I have to flatten out the branches, dust them, and add 800 lights- each branch has to have two or more lights on it. (I figure if I add more bling to our tree no one will mistaken it for Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree.) Then I have to clean the tree with a Christmas tree perfume which I created to make it smell like an actual outdoor tree, and last but not least I have to fluff each and every branch to make it look like a real tree. (You should see my hands and arms right now; they are all scratched up from the stupid pokey tree branches.) After eight hours of intensive labour I created a Christmas tree worthy of The New York Macy’s Christmas tree windows. Guess What? My tree really does twinkle; no kidding it is true. I will admit there is one flaw with our tree that we can not fix: It is crooked. We have tried almost everything, but our tree seems to insist on leaning to the right. We have even changed our tree stands, but we have had no luck.
Speaking of tree stands, have I got a story for you:
It all started when my daughter was at her grandmother’s house this weekend. I thought that with her being gone it would be a great opportunity for me to set-up the tree and put the lights on it. (We don’t decorate the tree or trim the house without her.) Like I said before it takes me forever to get my tree ready the decorating. If she is at home she is bouncing off the walls, because she can't wait hours for the tree to be worthy of “any window”. Her attitude is: take the tree out of the box, put it up, and throw some lights on it. Done; 10 minutes flat!
David and I went down to our garage where our storage room is located and pulled out our two tubs labelled “Christmas”, and our old tree. Fine enough. It was my job to put the tree together, and it was David's job to find our Christmas tree stand, which was located in one of our Christmas totes.
This part is totally my fault, and I take full responsibility; I left the television on. My sweetheart started to mindlessly pull out the Christmas items while “looking” for the Christmas tree stand. Apparently a deodorant commercial caught his fancy, and caused him to zone out while doing his one and only job. (Now I have to stop here and tell you that we have the coolest stand in the universe, because it rotates!)
Me: (Barking at him.) Hello? David, quit watching TV and look for the stand!
David: I did, and it is not here.
Me: Did you look in both totes?
David: Yes.! (He was a tiny bit defensive when he said “yes”.)
Me: Did you pull all the items out of both totes?
David: Yes. (He was a tiny bit more defensive this time when he said “yes”.)
Seeing that all the items from one tote were on the floor I was satisfied with his answer.
Me: Well then where are they?
David: Hmm…They should be here. (He said it as if someone came in our home and stole our precious rotating tree stand.)
I wouldn’t blame them if they did, because it is THAT cool.
We live in a newer house, and the downside to that is the builders forgot one very important feature of our home. It is what I like to call: storage. We have one coat closet, a pantry, each of our bedrooms has a closet, and we have a tiny storage room under our stairs in our garage. That is it; I just doubled checked. To live comfortably in a newer home you must be an organized family, which we are, thank goodness. You also must be a minimalist, which I happen to be. Holly and David are “working” on it. Being so organized I can tell you where anything in my home is located; seriously feel free to come here and test me. That being said I was shocked when there was no tree stand in the totes labelled “Christmas”. To make a long story short; we spent at least two hours tearing apart our storage room and garage looking for the now stupid tree stand. We could not find it; the stand just disappeared. Did we throw it out? Oh lovely. Now we will have to buy another one, because rotating or not; we had no tree stand. Unless we found someone who was willing hold our tree up for us during the holidays; we were going to be toast. There were no takers. Off to the big box stores we went.
Our mission was to find a rotating tree stand. Sadly there were none. Surprisely rotating tree stands are not a hot commodity this season. Retails did not order any. (I apologize to anybody who had their coats on, and were ready to go and buy a rotating tree stand based on my recommendations.) Sadly, on our quest to replace our stand we were not made aware of the store’s oversights until we were in too deep. We spent at least five hours and a lot of gas going store-to-store in search for a tree stand that rotates. I could have bought one online, but I would have had to wait at least two weeks, and what good what that have done?
We picked up our daughter and came home to a house in shambles. We found out that our cat peed on our daughter’s bed. I am not even going to talk about that… David and I came to the conclusion that we should have never gotten out of bed that day. It was just “one of those days”.
Yesterday I was still frustrated about the missing tree stand, but I knew it was nowhere in our home. David decided it was time to throw in the towel and go and buy a crappy regular tree stand that did not rotate. As he was getting ready to leave I decided to check the Christmas totes one last time; without the TV on. THE DAMN TREE STAND WAS IN THERE THE WHOLE TIME!
David: (In a happy voice; however his voice had a hint of: “See you found what YOU lost." Good for you.) Oh there it is.
Me: YAY, OMG I can’t believe it was in the tote the whole time.
(My voice had no blame tone. I was just thrilled I had found the stand.)
David: I checked that box and everything. Oh look, the stand box is the same height as the Christmas light boxes. I just figured that all the boxes on the bottom of that tote were all lights; I didn’t check that side. But Good Job Amy.
This was my inner dialogue:
Good job? If you had done your job properly instead of watching dumb commercials we would not have had to spend a whole day tearing up the house, driving around looking for a spinning stand, putting the house back together, and finally trying to buy a stand online at 2:30 in the morning as a last ditch effort! And don't forget I kept asking you, “Is it in the boxes?” To which you replied, “No.” Good job, my ass.
This year when it is time to take down the tree we are not going to. We are just going to buy one of those fancy-dancy tree covers and leave it wrapped until next year. I have no idea where we are going to put it, but I will make that David’s issue. David will be in big trouble if he loses an entire tree in coming year, so help me… and more importantly I am not going to be turning on the TV during the all-important Christmas tree set-up next year.
Good job…AHHHH!
My least favorite past-time of the season is trimming our Christmas tree. To be more specific I don’t especially enjoy the setting up of the Christmas tree. We have a twelve year old artificial tree, which we bought when we were of lesser means. At the time we paid $140.00 with 60% off; which was a sweet deal even then. Being that our tree is older I have to do a lot more “spiffing” up to make it look like an actual tree. First I have to flatten out the branches, dust them, and add 800 lights- each branch has to have two or more lights on it. (I figure if I add more bling to our tree no one will mistaken it for Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree.) Then I have to clean the tree with a Christmas tree perfume which I created to make it smell like an actual outdoor tree, and last but not least I have to fluff each and every branch to make it look like a real tree. (You should see my hands and arms right now; they are all scratched up from the stupid pokey tree branches.) After eight hours of intensive labour I created a Christmas tree worthy of The New York Macy’s Christmas tree windows. Guess What? My tree really does twinkle; no kidding it is true. I will admit there is one flaw with our tree that we can not fix: It is crooked. We have tried almost everything, but our tree seems to insist on leaning to the right. We have even changed our tree stands, but we have had no luck.
Speaking of tree stands, have I got a story for you:
It all started when my daughter was at her grandmother’s house this weekend. I thought that with her being gone it would be a great opportunity for me to set-up the tree and put the lights on it. (We don’t decorate the tree or trim the house without her.) Like I said before it takes me forever to get my tree ready the decorating. If she is at home she is bouncing off the walls, because she can't wait hours for the tree to be worthy of “any window”. Her attitude is: take the tree out of the box, put it up, and throw some lights on it. Done; 10 minutes flat!
David and I went down to our garage where our storage room is located and pulled out our two tubs labelled “Christmas”, and our old tree. Fine enough. It was my job to put the tree together, and it was David's job to find our Christmas tree stand, which was located in one of our Christmas totes.
This part is totally my fault, and I take full responsibility; I left the television on. My sweetheart started to mindlessly pull out the Christmas items while “looking” for the Christmas tree stand. Apparently a deodorant commercial caught his fancy, and caused him to zone out while doing his one and only job. (Now I have to stop here and tell you that we have the coolest stand in the universe, because it rotates!)
Me: (Barking at him.) Hello? David, quit watching TV and look for the stand!
David: I did, and it is not here.
Me: Did you look in both totes?
David: Yes.! (He was a tiny bit defensive when he said “yes”.)
Me: Did you pull all the items out of both totes?
David: Yes. (He was a tiny bit more defensive this time when he said “yes”.)
Seeing that all the items from one tote were on the floor I was satisfied with his answer.
Me: Well then where are they?
David: Hmm…They should be here. (He said it as if someone came in our home and stole our precious rotating tree stand.)
I wouldn’t blame them if they did, because it is THAT cool.
We live in a newer house, and the downside to that is the builders forgot one very important feature of our home. It is what I like to call: storage. We have one coat closet, a pantry, each of our bedrooms has a closet, and we have a tiny storage room under our stairs in our garage. That is it; I just doubled checked. To live comfortably in a newer home you must be an organized family, which we are, thank goodness. You also must be a minimalist, which I happen to be. Holly and David are “working” on it. Being so organized I can tell you where anything in my home is located; seriously feel free to come here and test me. That being said I was shocked when there was no tree stand in the totes labelled “Christmas”. To make a long story short; we spent at least two hours tearing apart our storage room and garage looking for the now stupid tree stand. We could not find it; the stand just disappeared. Did we throw it out? Oh lovely. Now we will have to buy another one, because rotating or not; we had no tree stand. Unless we found someone who was willing hold our tree up for us during the holidays; we were going to be toast. There were no takers. Off to the big box stores we went.
Our mission was to find a rotating tree stand. Sadly there were none. Surprisely rotating tree stands are not a hot commodity this season. Retails did not order any. (I apologize to anybody who had their coats on, and were ready to go and buy a rotating tree stand based on my recommendations.) Sadly, on our quest to replace our stand we were not made aware of the store’s oversights until we were in too deep. We spent at least five hours and a lot of gas going store-to-store in search for a tree stand that rotates. I could have bought one online, but I would have had to wait at least two weeks, and what good what that have done?
We picked up our daughter and came home to a house in shambles. We found out that our cat peed on our daughter’s bed. I am not even going to talk about that… David and I came to the conclusion that we should have never gotten out of bed that day. It was just “one of those days”.
Yesterday I was still frustrated about the missing tree stand, but I knew it was nowhere in our home. David decided it was time to throw in the towel and go and buy a crappy regular tree stand that did not rotate. As he was getting ready to leave I decided to check the Christmas totes one last time; without the TV on. THE DAMN TREE STAND WAS IN THERE THE WHOLE TIME!
David: (In a happy voice; however his voice had a hint of: “See you found what YOU lost." Good for you.) Oh there it is.
Me: YAY, OMG I can’t believe it was in the tote the whole time.
(My voice had no blame tone. I was just thrilled I had found the stand.)
David: I checked that box and everything. Oh look, the stand box is the same height as the Christmas light boxes. I just figured that all the boxes on the bottom of that tote were all lights; I didn’t check that side. But Good Job Amy.
This was my inner dialogue:
Good job? If you had done your job properly instead of watching dumb commercials we would not have had to spend a whole day tearing up the house, driving around looking for a spinning stand, putting the house back together, and finally trying to buy a stand online at 2:30 in the morning as a last ditch effort! And don't forget I kept asking you, “Is it in the boxes?” To which you replied, “No.” Good job, my ass.
This year when it is time to take down the tree we are not going to. We are just going to buy one of those fancy-dancy tree covers and leave it wrapped until next year. I have no idea where we are going to put it, but I will make that David’s issue. David will be in big trouble if he loses an entire tree in coming year, so help me… and more importantly I am not going to be turning on the TV during the all-important Christmas tree set-up next year.
Good job…AHHHH!
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