Dancing David's Parents into the Poorhouse.

Let’s see what has been happening in my life?

David got a new job , and really and truly that is why I have been away. He didn’t start right away so we have been playing this whole entire time. The house has been falling down around us but it hasn’t seemed to bother us in the least.

David is starting his new job on Monday. This is the last step for him in a long road that will take him to an accounting designation. (For me that means a really big house, and big garden; hot damn.) Like I said before he hasn’t started yet, so we had to get him spic-and-span for his new job: a new hair cut, new shirts, new shoes and some new suits. His parents bought the suits as a ‘congratulations’ gift. If I had to dress David he would be wearing potato sacks; do you know how much suits cost? Gulp!

The whole family had to come for the suit shopping event. It was laughable. All five of us stepped into the men’s store in awe; like we were walking into heaven. I think we were overwhelmed. You have to understand that all of us had waited for this moment for a long time- especially David.

The shark, or as some call him a salesman started to circle his prey. I knew the happy gushing was a bad idea. It was like going into the ocean with your legs already cut off.

Usually I am pretty good about getting rid of salespeople, but this time it was harder to do, because the whole family was doing the conga dance down the small isles to the suit section. Our new dance instructor (a.k.a. Shark Boy) was all too please to take us to the expensive suit section, and then for some reason that is where our conga line seemed to end.

I learned 8 things that day that I would like to share with you; just in case you find yourself having to surf the waves of a men’s retail shop.

1. Don’t bring your wife. (Or don't go with your husband.) What? That is so unlike me to say, because I am so pro-me, but in this case I mean what I say. Instead of asking David if he liked the suit Shark Boy insisted that David had no opinion in the matter, because I was going to be the one looking at him. “And we all know ‘She’ has better taste.” (I was waiting for him to call me ‘The Mrs.’


2. There are three people who have to like the suit, and it goes in this order: ‘The Mrs.’, ‘Shark Boy’, and then ‘The Poor Sap’ who has to walk around in the suit. Quote from Shark Boy, “Boom, Boom, Boom!” Pointing to me, then to himself, and then finally to David.


3. Pinstripes are in.


4. Shark Boy says that you must wear colourful suits. I inquired why was his suit was black. I also added for good measure that the nice black suit that he was currently wearing allowed him the opportunity to add a great splashy tie, and a nice shirt. He replied, “I am only wearing black because it is the only suit I own.” Good call Shark Boy!


5. These suits are too expensive for Shark Boy.


6. It is fun to go shopping with the entire family! The whole family was gathered around the small fitting room impatiently waiting for the next fashion show. Since we had nothing better to do one of us would take turn screaming over the fitting room door: “How’s it fit?" or " Honey, is it too small?”


7. When you get to the cash register keep a poker face when you hear the total.


8. And the last thing I learned was this: don’t get on your hands and knees and start worshiping David’s parents in the middle of the store. Worship them outside.