Lock Me Up and Throw Away the Key!

Part II of Adventure in Shopping in The Land of The Red, White, and Blue.


Part I can be found in the blog entry below this one.

Wait- before I begin I must warn you that I broke the law, and if you happen to be a Canadian crossing border agent I hope you see the comedy in this story. If you don’t; please don’t ask for me for my license plate number, make, or model of my car…because…ummm…I think I might have forgotten what it is. (I think might be loosing my long-term memory.)

I was doing my best impersonation of the Tasmanian Devil, as I went through the stores buying my clothes. As my cash flow went down; my receipts piled up, which meant I would have to pay duty and taxes at the Canadian border. The amount of money the government wants from the items “acquired outside the country” is ridiculous. I know that I should support my country’s economy by buying my clothes in Canada, but we don’t have cute clothes on the cheap.

I hate paying duty and taxes, so I had a premeditated-plan. (Oh yeah, I can be a bad girl.) I am about to tell you how I tried to “stick it to the man.”

When I got dressed the morning of my trip I put on old clothes that I knew I could dispose of: pants, a top, and a bra. I decided that I was going to get a new set of clothes and the Canadians would be none wiser, because I would leave the “evidence” (Meaning my old clothes.) back in states. Now I had to plan this carefully. I had to make sure that I bought the outfit-including the bra from the same store, so they would be on the same receipt, because I had to dispose of the receipt as well. (I am a thinker you know!) I picked out my outfit; along with two bras. I only needed one, but I they were so cheap I got two. I figured I could double up, and the border crossing guy would just think my husband was a very lucky guy. My purchase was $57; I saved myself $13.38 in duty and taxes. I totally rocked!

I still bought another $200 worth of merchandise and was prepared to pony up the duty and taxes on that amount, which would be $48. But still I felt good, because I saved myself $13 dollars! (That is 3 Starbucks coffees thank you very much.)

We finally had picked through the racks, and decided that there was nothing left to be had; we called it a day. We went to a local restaurant to change in to our new clothes. (I forgot to mention that I my friend thought this was a stellar idea as well, and did the same thing I did.) We drove to the border, and yes I admit that it felt thrilling. We arrived at the border crossing to find that we were the only car there. We explained that we had a total of $350 worth of merchandise “acquired outside the country”. And for a second it looked like the Oh-So-Handsome-Border-Guy was going to let us go. But no luck he reached for his pad of doom that would seal our fate and ensure that we would soon be parting with our money. We were given our slip and directed to the evil customs office. (Bah-Ha-Ha-Ha!-Ha)- I am pretty sure that is what the border guards must think as they direct poor citizens to the customs office.

I wasn’t worried about the clothes on my person. How could they prove it? I had no receipts or extra clothes in the car. The only issue I had were the two bras were starting to dig painfully into my sides. (What I wouldn’t do to save $13!) I got out of my car and opened the door to the custom’s office, and something very WONDERFUL happened. The entire border crossing had a massive power failure! Everything went dark: the customs office, the outdoor overhead lights, even the green arrow that tells you that it’s your turn to drive up to the agent’s both. All gone! It was pitch black. Cool! After a few seconds the generators brought dim power back to the border. Like a law abiding citizen (HA!) I went to the counter to pay my duty. And you know what? The guy behind the counter told me that it would take too long to process my claim manually, so I was off the hook. What? Shut up! You mean to tell me I spent the whole day planning to “stick it to the man” and it was all for nothing?

I knew a good thing when I heard it. (It is a good thing that we humans rely so much on technology to get things done that nowadays that we are too lazy to actually work.) “See ya!” Run away before they change their minds! “Yippy, quick drive. There is our get away car!” When we finally passed the border and we had to pull over because we were laughing so hard at ourselves. We had spent the whole day scheming and plotting to save a few bucks, and it was all nothing. The man “stuck it to us!” Because the trip would have been more enjoyable if we weren’t so consumed and caught up with our “evil plan”.

I realize that the power outage was pure luck, and it did save me some cash. I also know that I also know that I am not an angel; there will always be a part of me that has some ‘splaining to do.

On a side note- I would love to blog more but I get sick, and I find it hard to put daily events into entertaining stories. (Well at least I find them entertaining.) Like I have mentioned in my past blogs I don’t want this blog to be about my illness. I want it to be about my adventures, my accomplishments, and most importantly how I see the world. It is unfortunate that I can’t escape the reality that I do get sick, and during those times I am not willing to use this blog as a forum to share it with you. As a result I am going to start a new blog. It may not be as well written, and it may not have interesting stories. It will be me- just a little more raw.

If you notice I do not respond to comments that you post on this blog, and I am not sure why. If I had to guess I think it is because I feel that I am telling a monologue, but I LOVE getting your comments; it lets me know that you are reading my stories. That being said-my new blog will be more of a dialog; I will be responding to the comments.

Don’t feel that you have to read my new blog. I just need a space to write when I am not feeling well. If you want to read my new blog don’t feel like you are spying on me; if I didn’t want you to read it I wouldn’t mention to you. I will still keep up with this blog, because I like it so much, but if you don’t see me here, you will see me there.