I think I am pretty smart, but I know my dog is smarter. I have actual proof:
For the last half an hour he has been working out on the treadmill!
I was watching that Will Smith movie I am Legend; I noticed the dog starring in the movie was on the treadmill working out himself, and I thought why can’t I get my dog to do the same thing?
Our first go around wasn't as graceful as the movie performance. Simon wasn't running 5 miles an hour. Instead it went something like this:
Me- ‘Go boy, Simon’, using my best high pitched encouragement voice.
Me: Using Cheese as bait to get Simon to follow my directions.
Simon: Attached to a lead.
Me: holding the lead in front of the treadmill. (Crouching for 30 minutes takes real dedication.)
The treadmill: Going sloooooow.
Simon: Uber patience, and intelligence.
Simon has very short legs, but he kept up with the treadmill speed. He smiled the whole time. Why don’t I smile when I am on the treadmill? Maybe if I was rewarded with a cupcake when I was finished with my workout I would smile too.
I could tell he was proud of himself. I am proud of the little guy too!
I wonder if my dog can get a gym membership? Hmmm.....
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Gotta Go...Gotta Go...Gotta Go!
This blog entry is not meant for children, or those with weak stomachs. I just thought I would give you a warning…
A few weeks ago I went to my doctors for my annual physical. (Well in my case ‘annual’ means 5 years, but that isn't the point.) I would probably go more but I that would make me feel like a hypochondriac. But my doctor is closing up shop, so I thought I’d better get him to look under the hood before he moves on.
I had the dreaded PAP! Yeah but only this time it was different. (X-rated part is coming…) My doc spent more time then usual poking around down there. There was a nurse in the room of course.
‘Are you having any issues?’ He asked.
‘Nope.’ Just get on with this already; I really not in the mood for a conversation while you’re down there. I hope you understand.
This time when I went to my doctors I decided to make a list of my current issues on my Blackberry, and then just hand it to my doctor, and let him analyze it. There were two things on my list:
1. I pee constantly.
2. My periods are getting more painful, and heavier.
My doctor said that these two issues made perfect sense, and in his opinion it seems that my uterus has fallen.
I'll have to go for an ultra-sound to make sure.
This is the crux of my entry: THE ULTRA-SOUND!!!
I have to go with a full bladder. Are you kidding me? As it stands right now I can’t hold it for more than 20 minutes. How am I going to drink half a gallon of water, and then hold it for an hour? I am seriously considering calling the whole thing off. I am absolutely sure that there are many uterus’ that have fallen, and their owners aren’t even aware of the situation, and they are going about their business just fine. How bad can it be?
One of the reasons that I decided never to get pregnant again was because of the ultra-sound; it almost killed me. I was in tears during that ordeal, but I did it because I was doing it for a good cause. The way I see it; this is not for such a great cause. However, David disagrees with me, and don’t think he will let me cancel.
But if my uterus did fall it will be because of my lapband. My lapband has made me constipated for the last 2+ years. I have tried EVERYTHING to move things along, and nothing seems to help. I have just chalked it up to a side-effect. Constipation can, and will cause a uterus to fall. And if my uterus did fall I might have to have a hysterectomy, which isn’t too bad, as long as I don’t have to have anymore ultra-sounds.
I wonder how much uterus weighs, and can I count it as part of my lapband weight-loss? UGH!
A few weeks ago I went to my doctors for my annual physical. (Well in my case ‘annual’ means 5 years, but that isn't the point.) I would probably go more but I that would make me feel like a hypochondriac. But my doctor is closing up shop, so I thought I’d better get him to look under the hood before he moves on.
I had the dreaded PAP! Yeah but only this time it was different. (X-rated part is coming…) My doc spent more time then usual poking around down there. There was a nurse in the room of course.
‘Are you having any issues?’ He asked.
‘Nope.’ Just get on with this already; I really not in the mood for a conversation while you’re down there. I hope you understand.
This time when I went to my doctors I decided to make a list of my current issues on my Blackberry, and then just hand it to my doctor, and let him analyze it. There were two things on my list:
1. I pee constantly.
2. My periods are getting more painful, and heavier.
My doctor said that these two issues made perfect sense, and in his opinion it seems that my uterus has fallen.
I'll have to go for an ultra-sound to make sure.
This is the crux of my entry: THE ULTRA-SOUND!!!
I have to go with a full bladder. Are you kidding me? As it stands right now I can’t hold it for more than 20 minutes. How am I going to drink half a gallon of water, and then hold it for an hour? I am seriously considering calling the whole thing off. I am absolutely sure that there are many uterus’ that have fallen, and their owners aren’t even aware of the situation, and they are going about their business just fine. How bad can it be?
One of the reasons that I decided never to get pregnant again was because of the ultra-sound; it almost killed me. I was in tears during that ordeal, but I did it because I was doing it for a good cause. The way I see it; this is not for such a great cause. However, David disagrees with me, and don’t think he will let me cancel.
But if my uterus did fall it will be because of my lapband. My lapband has made me constipated for the last 2+ years. I have tried EVERYTHING to move things along, and nothing seems to help. I have just chalked it up to a side-effect. Constipation can, and will cause a uterus to fall. And if my uterus did fall I might have to have a hysterectomy, which isn’t too bad, as long as I don’t have to have anymore ultra-sounds.
I wonder how much uterus weighs, and can I count it as part of my lapband weight-loss? UGH!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
'Girl, You Are Looking Mighty Fine!'
I hate getting compliments about my weight loss. Am I the only one? When people tell me, ‘Amy, you are looking so good.’ I cringe. It is not that I don’t want the compliment- I do. It is just this: a compliment about how good I look makes me think of how crappy I must’ve looked when I was larger.
I think my problem with this whole compliment thing is because when I was heavier I told myself everyday that I was ‘hot’. I walked around like a peacock, and had all of the confidence that went with it.
Let me go back and correct myself it isn’t the compliment per se; it is the way people say it, it is the tone they use when the compliment is said. What was I a hippopotamus? I know, I know, I was, and I am just being OVERLY sensitive.
As a result of my ego issues I backed out of my 1st tummy tuck appointment because, baby a tummy tuck is an ‘Instant presto change-o’ body transformation.’ It’s a ‘You’d better donate all of your current garments to charity, because girl they won’t be fitting after this is all over!’ If I couldn’t deal with the compliments now then how was I going to square up the compliments that came after the tuck?
I finally did a lot of thinking, and realized that I had to get over myself. I am not defined solely on my past, current, and future looks. Oh my, I am not defined on my looks at all! (Well that’s not true- I am the one who is doing the defining, and I am the one who put a value on the looks department. Like I said before: I need to get over myself!!! I am working on it.)
One day I was in the shower aka ‘my thinking spot’ and it occurred to me that I should desire the best life has to offer; to hell with second rate.
Do I have a nice home? Check. (But I want a bigger, and better one in the near future. Alright then we need to set a plan in place. There is just one thing; if we get another house with three bathrooms we are definitely going to get a house cleaner, right? Absolutely.)
Do I have a nice car? Oh yeah. It’s all decked out. Love it. (I need to get me one more. Sure no problem; plan it, and it will happen.)
I know I did the material things first, but I was thinking materialistically at the time, but don’t worry I switched my focus to family…finally.
Dog…check….best dog ever!
Cat….what can I say there? David and Holly love the cat. Nobody’s life can be picture perfect.
Husband and Daughter: check, check, and double check. There is nothing that needs upgrading in this department.
What else is there?
Me? Oh yeah me! I need to get some self-esteem, and some self worth, because how am I suppose to make all of these other things happen if I don’t think that I am worth an ‘upgrade’.
So there I was standing in the shower waiting for my conditioner to rinse out of my hair, because I just had to jump out of the shower, and into my new perspective. (Oh yeah I also realized that I needed to go to the store buy me some more conditioner too.)
I realized that I had short changed myself when I turned away from the first tuck. Looking back I think it was a good thing, because it is obvious I wasn’t ready, and to do something of such magnitude you must have your head on straight. Yeah but the only problem that I have now is that I have to wait forever and a day for my tummy tuck. Even in my thinking spot I have realized that patience is not something that I am particularly good at. In fact I am terrible at it. I am one of those people that if the grocery line is too huge, and there are not enough cashiers working I will seek out the store manager and ask him if he is busy, because we could really use his help at the till. It may be bold, but it works. (It also works in banks too, however I wouldn’t try it in government offices; even I am not that brave.
My consultation appointment is on April 13th, but I am on the cancelation list. I have my home phone call forwarded to my cell phone just in case, because the sooner I have my consultation the sooner I can be sliced and diced. (Eww- that didn’t sound too good.) I will keep you posted .
I think my problem with this whole compliment thing is because when I was heavier I told myself everyday that I was ‘hot’. I walked around like a peacock, and had all of the confidence that went with it.
Let me go back and correct myself it isn’t the compliment per se; it is the way people say it, it is the tone they use when the compliment is said. What was I a hippopotamus? I know, I know, I was, and I am just being OVERLY sensitive.
As a result of my ego issues I backed out of my 1st tummy tuck appointment because, baby a tummy tuck is an ‘Instant presto change-o’ body transformation.’ It’s a ‘You’d better donate all of your current garments to charity, because girl they won’t be fitting after this is all over!’ If I couldn’t deal with the compliments now then how was I going to square up the compliments that came after the tuck?
I finally did a lot of thinking, and realized that I had to get over myself. I am not defined solely on my past, current, and future looks. Oh my, I am not defined on my looks at all! (Well that’s not true- I am the one who is doing the defining, and I am the one who put a value on the looks department. Like I said before: I need to get over myself!!! I am working on it.)
One day I was in the shower aka ‘my thinking spot’ and it occurred to me that I should desire the best life has to offer; to hell with second rate.
Do I have a nice home? Check. (But I want a bigger, and better one in the near future. Alright then we need to set a plan in place. There is just one thing; if we get another house with three bathrooms we are definitely going to get a house cleaner, right? Absolutely.)
Do I have a nice car? Oh yeah. It’s all decked out. Love it. (I need to get me one more. Sure no problem; plan it, and it will happen.)
I know I did the material things first, but I was thinking materialistically at the time, but don’t worry I switched my focus to family…finally.
Dog…check….best dog ever!
Cat….what can I say there? David and Holly love the cat. Nobody’s life can be picture perfect.
Husband and Daughter: check, check, and double check. There is nothing that needs upgrading in this department.
What else is there?
Me? Oh yeah me! I need to get some self-esteem, and some self worth, because how am I suppose to make all of these other things happen if I don’t think that I am worth an ‘upgrade’.
So there I was standing in the shower waiting for my conditioner to rinse out of my hair, because I just had to jump out of the shower, and into my new perspective. (Oh yeah I also realized that I needed to go to the store buy me some more conditioner too.)
I realized that I had short changed myself when I turned away from the first tuck. Looking back I think it was a good thing, because it is obvious I wasn’t ready, and to do something of such magnitude you must have your head on straight. Yeah but the only problem that I have now is that I have to wait forever and a day for my tummy tuck. Even in my thinking spot I have realized that patience is not something that I am particularly good at. In fact I am terrible at it. I am one of those people that if the grocery line is too huge, and there are not enough cashiers working I will seek out the store manager and ask him if he is busy, because we could really use his help at the till. It may be bold, but it works. (It also works in banks too, however I wouldn’t try it in government offices; even I am not that brave.
My consultation appointment is on April 13th, but I am on the cancelation list. I have my home phone call forwarded to my cell phone just in case, because the sooner I have my consultation the sooner I can be sliced and diced. (Eww- that didn’t sound too good.) I will keep you posted .
Monday, February 15, 2010
Butt Indentations and Tacos!
‘What is the matter with you?’ That’s was what I would be thinking while I was talking to my doctor. ‘Give me the right cocktail, already! I am not getting better.’ Hey I didn’t go to med school, but I think three months is enough time to straighten all of this out. Do I need to do something drastic to clue you in?
I have a good doctor, and believe of not she did the right thing, because changing medication isn’t always the best idea; especially when the medication has been working well up until that point. Most likely it was seasonal, but it was still frustrating, painful, and lonely to say the least.
The last three months have been incredibly insane. (I was insane.) It was bad. I was watching Jerry Springer, and wondering why a guy named Taco had three girls fighting for his heart. Taco became the highlight of my day. (I wonder if Taco is the highlight of his own day?)
I had my looooooows. I had my hig…wait…no it was just lows. I was a wreck. I was a non-functioning-queen-of-daytime-TV-who-wouldn’t-leave-the-house. I put away my computer because the information on the internet was too intense for me to handle. Thus, no blogging; my computer was in storage. My chair had a permanent Amy ass indentation.
Well that is in the past. I am feeling MUCH better. I am no longer watching Jerry, and I flipped the cushion over on my chair to get rid of the indentation. Hey let’s make sure we have a clean slate!
I didn’t have a medication change; I did this all on my own with cognitive therapy. Apparently my brain had had enough of being in the dumps. Thank God my brain happens to be smart.
What is going on in my life???
I AM GETTING A TUMMY TUCK. For real, and for true! I even got the lift-up-power-recliner! Hey you know me: If I do this; I am doing this in style.
I am at the end of my weight loss journey. I never wanted to be ‘pencil thin’. I just wanted to look healthy, and not have muffin top when I sit down. After the tuck it will be mission accomplished!
I don’t have a surgery date yet, but I am hoping to get it done within the next eight weeks. I am going to look smoking hot for summer! (I still won’t be caught in a bikini!)
Hey the good news is: I am going to have a ton of stuff to blog about.
I have a good doctor, and believe of not she did the right thing, because changing medication isn’t always the best idea; especially when the medication has been working well up until that point. Most likely it was seasonal, but it was still frustrating, painful, and lonely to say the least.
The last three months have been incredibly insane. (I was insane.) It was bad. I was watching Jerry Springer, and wondering why a guy named Taco had three girls fighting for his heart. Taco became the highlight of my day. (I wonder if Taco is the highlight of his own day?)
I had my looooooows. I had my hig…wait…no it was just lows. I was a wreck. I was a non-functioning-queen-of-daytime-TV-who-wouldn’t-leave-the-house. I put away my computer because the information on the internet was too intense for me to handle. Thus, no blogging; my computer was in storage. My chair had a permanent Amy ass indentation.
Well that is in the past. I am feeling MUCH better. I am no longer watching Jerry, and I flipped the cushion over on my chair to get rid of the indentation. Hey let’s make sure we have a clean slate!
I didn’t have a medication change; I did this all on my own with cognitive therapy. Apparently my brain had had enough of being in the dumps. Thank God my brain happens to be smart.
What is going on in my life???
I AM GETTING A TUMMY TUCK. For real, and for true! I even got the lift-up-power-recliner! Hey you know me: If I do this; I am doing this in style.
I am at the end of my weight loss journey. I never wanted to be ‘pencil thin’. I just wanted to look healthy, and not have muffin top when I sit down. After the tuck it will be mission accomplished!
I don’t have a surgery date yet, but I am hoping to get it done within the next eight weeks. I am going to look smoking hot for summer! (I still won’t be caught in a bikini!)
Hey the good news is: I am going to have a ton of stuff to blog about.
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