David loves to shop!

If you have been keeping up with my blog from the beginning you read about my theory about buying clothes for shrinking women (and men.) If you haven’t I’ll wait…
Okay, I’ll assume you are all caught up on my ramblings.

I was such a clothes horse. I used clothes to feel better about being overweight. Well it was worse than I thought, because when I started clearing out my closet of all bigger sizes I filled up boxes and boxes, bags and bags. I was embarrassed about how much clothes I had accumulated over the years. (Who knew you needed twelve pairs of capri pants, and thirty tank tops? Who am I Oprah?) I donated, I gave, I cried, and then I donated some more. You should see my bare closet! Now your voice can echoe off the walls, because there is nothing there to impact the sound.

David, God bless his heart thinks that every woman needs twelve pairs of capris, and thirty tank tops, so when he saw my bare closet this caused him great concern. He asked me when I was planning on going shopping to replace my clothes. I told him that I would do it soon. But as the days ticked by and the magic clothing fairies failed to fill my walk-in-closet with new attire he got antsier. “Do you want to go shopping?” he would ask me in a tone that was similar to the tone we use to ask the dog if he wants to go for a walk.

I finally agreed to go shopping and when we got to the mall I went to the plus size stores as usual. (Go with what you know.) Here is my method for finding the “perfect” fit:

Pants- to find the perfect fitting pair of pants you must be able to pull them off of your hips without unbuttoning them. (Nope there is no elastic involved!)
Panties-to find the perfect fitting pair of undies they must have a bubble of fabric and air in the bum for added windy comfort.
Bra-(My personal favorite) to find the perfect fitting bra you must be able to fit grapefruit plus your own merchandise in the cup, and when you bounce you must still be able to give yourself a black eye from your merchandise whacking you in your face. Grandma would be so proud!
Shirt-To find the perfect shirt buy one that is too big so you can pretend that it is your boyfriend’s and/or husband’s shirt. *tip: try and find a shirt that makes your ass look big too.

Yesterday, my family took me into a regular sized woman’s store. I agreed (reluctantly) to go because the sign on the window said: up to size 18. My daughter and my husband start to pull dresses of off the rack and I notice that they are not pulling the biggest size. “Whoa wait a minute. I am a XXL if I am even that lucky.” They didn’t listen and they kept pulling their favorite dresses. I decided to leave the dress department, because I was afraid if someone saw me in the store they might ask me to leave. My heart was pounding so I started to look at capris. (You know I only have two pairs I am down by ten.) I grabbed the biggest size and ran away from the display like I was committing a crime. I went to change room I grabbed the only XXL dress, which I picked and put it on. I came out of the change room and it was too big, well according to them, according to me it fit all of the requirements listed above. I went back in to the evil change room and tried on dress after dress in smaller sizes; I even went down to a large. It fit but I wasn’t mentally ready for the responsibility that comes with a large. I also tried on a size twelve skirt and it fit comfortably with no problem except when I sat down it did show my lovely “roll”, so that was a definite NO! As for the capris it turned out that I didn’t pick out the largest size, but on a positive note it did pass my pull it off with having to waste time with out having to fuss with buttons and zippers;.

After all that I did not buy anything, but it was a great accomplishment towards feeling better in my own skin. When I get down to my goal weight of 160 pounds I believe that I will strangely get the Oprah clothes buying bug again…hum! Only 23 more pounds to go.