Running on my Nerves

I went shopping today. Bob is happy. I am happy. David is sort of happy; the sort of part is because he is our financial advisor, and he doesn’t like to buy stuff. The dog is not happy. We bought a treadmill. (See why the dog is not happy.)

We had to go from store-to-store to find the perfect treadmill. I swear if I just stayed on my quest to find the treadmill; I would have needed one, because I would have burned enough calories just looking for the damn thing!

We went to this one store. I won’t say the name expect to say it starts with an S and ends with an S and has ears in between. They have a bazillion treadmills; okay well maybe twelve.

My method was to examine each one individually. I would get up on the sides of the treadmill and study the console. I was doing absolutely fabulous until I tripped. With much regret I caused an unplugged treadmill’s belt to move. (It was a horrible moment in my life.) The old bat…Err I mean the nice sales lady from behind the counter (Where she had parked herself for the whole time we had been looking at treadmills. “No, we don’t need any help. You just go on about your day of doing nothing. We will sell ourselves a treadmill. Thank you very much.” The nice sales lady in her not-so-nice customer service voice screamed from across the sporting goods section, “Get off that treadmill!” Whoa! Then she decided a lecture would be a good idea in order to explain to me why I should get off the treadmill.

One: If she had been anywhere near me she would have known that my feet were now firmly planted on the sides of her precious piece of machinery. Two: I am not twelve, so she did’t need to lecture me. I gave her an indication that I understood her. (I replied back in my sarcastic now-your-pissing-me-off customer voice which kind of sounded like a twelve year old.) “I understand” But she couldn’t stop with her lecture. “Blah..blah…belt…blah..ruin…you…know…why…blah…blah…break…”

“I understand.”

But she had to have the last word. Now she became an expert. It was like she had seen my picture in the employee lunch room, and it had said, “Watch out! This Woman Will Break Treadmills at Will! She Must be Stopped at Any Cost!” She just would not let the subject drop. Gosh.

“I get it; enough already!” I thought that was a great comeback. I should mention here that I kind of yelled it at her. She got the point. Needless to say we did not purchase our treadmill from S***S. Come on, they have a hard time stopping people from walking on treadmills; what if we got a broken one?

To make a long story short we did buy a treadmill-in the box; we just couldn’t leave it to chance that someone “horsed around” on my investment. Good thing I listened to Miss Grumpy Pants.

David and I had “together” time putting my new toy together. It was very challenging, but we didn’t even consider divorcing. (We almost divorced when we put the barbecue together. Now we get most things pre-assembled; we figure it is cheaper than divorce attorneys.) When it was done I went to my “gym” and had an excellent workout.