Shake Rattle and Roll, but Mostly Shake!

This blog is turning into a “Bitching Session”. I am terribly sorry about that.

In my previous post I wrote that I wasn’t feeling well, because I had stupidly taken myself off of my stabilizing med due to its side-effects. A few days ago it was my moment of truth. I told my doctor that I had assigned myself to be an “Arm-Chair-Prescription-Dispensing-I-Know-What-is-Better-for-Me-Even-Though-I-Did Not go to Med-School” pharmacist. I found that confessing was a tough pill to swallow.

My Doctor: How are you feeling?
Me: Not so good.
MD: Why?
Me: Because I hate the mood stabilizing pill that I have take.

(In my head I was thinking that YOU MAKE me take, but I wanted to be invited back to my next session.) I continued…

The drug has too many side effects. I really hate taking those nasty pills, so instead of taking them I put them down my garbage disposable.

MD: I see.
Me: I don’t see why I have to take so many pills anyway.

(* Besides this stupid mood stabilizer I am also on 6 other pills. It is quite a cocktail.)

MD: ….

She gives me nothing but a stare.

At this point I should have tried to stare her down. I could have given her a cold icy glare. (I just asked David and he said that I can’t do an icy glare. I guess that will be something I’ll work on.) Instead I fidgeted in my seat and looked out the window. I knew that I had I lost; there was nothing left to say. I would be taking ALL of my meds. Still she was kind, and gave me a chance to plead my case anyway.

MD: What side-effects are you having?

Here was my chance! I started listing the side-effects. I gave some examples, and I might have exaggerated just a tiny bit; you know for dramatics. .

MD: I am sorry but you have no other options at this point.

I never believed that I would actually get away with my crime. I knew that I was guilty. I was pretty certain that I was destined to take this particular med. I think all I wanted to get is absolution for throwing my meds down the garbage disposal.

But wait I forgot one side-effect!

This was my back-up, “only to be used in case of an emergency” side effect. I had to play this card very carefully. I had to be clear, concise, and very accurate, no dramatics this time.

I had never shared this particular side effect with anyone in the medical community. I was afraid that I would be labelled “C-R-A-Z-Y”- too late. I really did think it was just a side-effect; I put up with so many already it was hard to distinguish side-effects from real issues!

Me: I have these seizer like episodes.

I will tell you guys what happens:

1.) A split second before the seizer happens I feel it coming.

2.)I don’t roll around on the ground. The seizers happen mainly in my upper body. I jerk my head and torso back and forth, and my arms go flying.

3.)I do feel like I am going to fall, but my feet manage to keep planted on the ground.

4.)The seizers last for 10 to 15 seconds.

5.)These episodes seem to happen when I am overly stimulated, and in certain lighted areas

6.)I don’t lose consciousness.

7.)I think the “after-seizers” are the worst. It feels like someone stuck a battery up my bum, and volts of electricity goes through my body. These seizers last for one or two seconds. I find these episodes quite annoying.

She started looking at my chart.

Please be the meds, please be the meds, or even be the bipolar.Today I am not so lucky.

MD: Sounds like epilepsy to me; I am quite sure of it.
Me: ... (Now it was my turn to stare. Take that!)
MD: We will have to run test.

(Of course we always have to run test!)

Me: Is it the drugs? Is it the bipolar?
MD: None of the drugs I am giving you would cause this to happen.
Me: Could I be faking this? Is it psychosomatic?
MD: No what you described is epilepsy. The fact that you know the seizure is going to happen just a second or two before it happens is called an epileptic aura. Many epileptics know that they are going to have a seizer moments before the seizure happens

Epileptic aura- Say what? - I thought the fact that I knew it was going to happen meant that it was psychosomatic!

OMG, you have got to be kidding me. I have had enough. I would like to talk to the management, or whoever is in charge of fairness. I have been diagnosed with bipolar, which has given me other mental illnesses. Talk about “free with purchase gifts!” I was born with Cerebral Palsy and now this Epilepsy thing! Forgive me but I just have to say it: “F word, F word, F word”! (At this point I feel I am entitled to drop a few F bombs.)

I was advised to stop driving. Duh! Yes, definitely, I don’t want to cause harm. But now my freedom is severly limited. Oh stop it. That is why you have rain boots; see it was fate. The good news is: when the doctors figure this mess out they will be able to medicate me with MORE drugs, and then I will be able to drive. (Clap, clap, clap!)

UPDATE

We found out what is possibly causing the seizers: It is my Cerebral Palsy. Apparently 1 in 3 children get it, but then they grow out of it. Then there are adults who get it; sadly they don’t grow out of it. At least it is nothing too dramatic. The doctors will be able to medicate me. I still have to do the tests. They are going to induce some episodes and study them. I wish them luck with that, because I mainly get seizures in my kitchen. HA!

You know that saying: “At least I have my health.”
I changed it: to:

“At least I have a sexy husband, a wonderful daughter, a nice home filled with my favorite things; I am surrounded by tons of people that love me, and three Starbucks within walking distance.”