My Hero Only Wears His Bathrobe and Underwear to Save the Day.

I am wearing two pairs of socks, a pair of slippers, a pair of sweat pants, a sweater, a t-shirt, a hoodie, and I have a heavy fleece blanket covering my legs. I forgot to mention I have an oscillating heater that is one foot away from me, and it is doing its best to keep me warm. It’s not working. I am still cold

This is not an archived entry from January; this entry is from September 8, 2009. It is 54 degrees outside. It is sunny without a cloud in sight. The way I am acting you would think it was 10 degrees below freezing, and I was somehow forced to live in my refrigerator.

I have turned off my inside heater. (I don’t want to heat the whole damn neighbourhood.) I cranked up all of my fans to high, and opened my windows. I have had to take all of these extreme measures because my husband is a good neighbour.

A few nights ago I was sitting around with some people discussing how idiotic the characters in horror movies are. What I want to know is why do those people go down the dark stairs when they hear spooky noises coming from the bottom?

From the comfort of my sofa I always seem to be shouting out my best advice, ‘Don’t go down the stairs! Get out of the house, and go stay at the Ramada for the night!’ Needless to say they don’t think much of my advice, because they tend to go down the stairs anyway. From that point forward their life is full of drama, and the possibility that some dude is waiting at the bottom planning to chase them around the house with a chainsaw. (I knew that was gonna happen, but bad for them for not listening to me. Why doesn’t anyone on TV listen to me?

Last night I was sleeping soundly, and all of the sudden David jumped out of bed, which woke me up. ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked.

‘Someone is knocking on the door. I am going to go to check it out!’

(I did not hear this phantom ‘knock’.)

‘Okay.’ I rolled over, and closed my eyes, but only for a few seconds. All of the sudden I heard what I thought was a big struggle, screaming, and then the door slamming shut.

I sat up, got out of bed, and ran to the top of the stairs. (Oh great; Now I have the opportunity to become the idiot character.) I held on to the top of the banister railing trying to decide if I should go and save my husband. After careful consideration I decided that he needed to be rescued. I crept slowly down the stairs, and that is when I looked out the window, and saw why David ran out of the house.

Our neighbour’s car was up in blazes! The flames were at least ten to fifteen feet tall, and growing by the second. I was sure the car was going to explode. Stupidly I went outside to join David. I looked over and noticed that David was only wearing his skivvies, and his bathrobe holding our garden hose trying to keep the fire from getting worse. My shoeless hero!

As I stood there helpless I also realized that my neighbour’s house could catch on fire any second. The driver of this now burning car had been under the misguided belief that his car should be nice and cozy. He liked to rear park his car up to the house with only an half a foot clearance. I betcha he was regretting that decision! (This person is not one of my neighbours, but instead a person living with my neighbours.)

I only live 1.2 miles from the fire department; thank God for that. Yeah but we had to wait FOREVER. Where was the fire department? What was taking them so long? Did they stop and get coffee?

The firemen came. FINALLY!!! They were able to save the house. There is some outside damage to the house. The car is demolished. The inside of the car resembles the embers that are left behind from a last night’s campfire. The entire inside is gutted from the flames. The outside is just as bad. It is surreal.

Our small town does not have a CSI unit, so we can not be sure how the car fire started. I know that the fire did not start in the engine, and it was 1:30 in the morning when the fire started. Things that make you go hmmm…

Now back to me…

Through out all of this commotion our garage became a dry place for people to huddle. We have a small cat door, which allows the cat easy access from the garage to the house. This cat door was also a great way for the smoke to invade our living establishment. Only now my home has a slight smoky smell to it. It’s nothing that a few fans and some open windows can’t handle. I am so cold! But it could be worse I could be without my best friends.