Table For One

I can’t stand women who are needy. Women who have to be reassured that their man still finds them attractive. It makes me roll my eyes when women fret about if he wants to be with them or not. It is especially annoying when the man in question thinks that the sun and the moon revolve around her.

What does this poor fellow have to do? Sign legal documentation that says he will be with her ‘til his dying day? Stand up before all of their friends, family, and God, and say that he will always be there for her? How many years does he have to put into the relationship before he is considered solid? Two…Five…Ten…Nineteen?

I fear that I am turning into ‘one of those women’-gasp!

I love my husband dearly, and I am pretty confident that he has strong feelings for me. After all he has stuck around this long, and let’s face it I am not an easy person to live with.

We don’t have heated arguments. The last argument we had was in July…what was it about? (I am really thinking…) We were in the car. Why do most couples argue in the car? It took me three minutes to remember. (It was totally my fault.)

We were going to my brother’s wedding. We had to travel to get there. David had to work that day. It was my job to pack. David put out what I thought was all of the clothes that he wanted to take for the wedding; minus his suit. Not so much. Apparently he had only put out his causal clothes for the day after the wedding. Anywhoo- he didn’t have a white dress shirt, a wind breaker jacket, or causal shoes for the trip. I also forgot my passport, and the camera, which we had to go back for. (We caught that mistake closer to home, so we could turn around.) I was feeling like an idiot, so I did what any good idiot would do; I started a fight. Our fight, I mean my fight lasted 20 minutes. David finally ended it with his ‘I-Am-Really-Pissed-Off-Now-Voice’ which made me giggle. Fight over. I won, because I felt better once he was pissed off. What a relief. Sometimes it is difficult being with a nice guy.

I digress…

Lately I have been feeling down in the dumps. More to the point I have been feeling dumpy. I am married to a nice guy who is also attractive. He gets compliments often. Lately I feel that I have been fading into the background. He is not the cheating kind. His core values would never let him stray. But what if I am just not good enough anymore? What if he has to spend the rest of his life with someone who he thinks of as only a friend? I don’t think I could handle that. I love him so much.

I am sorry that this entry turned into a pity post. I am having a pity party, and apparently I am a great party planner.

I need to get focused. Change my thinking. Get a grip. I think I am just having a really bad day.

People who actually know us are going to think that I have finally lost what was left of my mind. As of today I probably have.


Update:

It is 10 to 10. I am sitting here reflecting on my day. I realize that it was ‘one of those days’. I know we all get them, and I not privileged enough to get a free pass. It is just this… I have an excellent life; better than most, and sometimes I just don’t realize how good I have it, and for not realizing this I feel stupid.

David and I spent the whole day texting each other, which is now my new favorite way of communicating when you want to say crazy things to someone. Before the days of texting I would get on the horn with David and start to babble in circles about stuff that didn’t make any sense. This whole process would leave both of us confused, mad, and drained. But thanks to texting I am limited to what I can say, because there is a limit to the amount of characters in one text. That doesn’t leave much room to mess around and say things you don’t mean. It’s too much editing. Then there is the time lapse, which is good. You don’t have to hear the other person’s silence on the other end as you bare your soul. (Why doesn’t he get why I am so angry?) Instead you can pretend the delay is due to the fact that he is very slow at texting.

He sent me sweet texts in which he professed his undying love to me, and he finally convinced me that I was just having a shitty day.

He was right this was a shitty day. I worried about things that are never going to happen. Tomorrow I am going to do something constructive with my time: like go on a date! To Vegas? No! Damn!!! To the movies? Maybe. We’ll see.