YES!, Drill Sergeant!

I want a tummy tuck; you know that. It’s common knowledge.

I want to get in the best shape of my life. Before my lapband I was a chubby out-of-shape girl. (I hate using the word woman.) Soon after I was banded I started to run, and do stuff that I hadn’t done since I was smaller. But then my port decided to flip, which caused me pain whenever I moved about. I’ll be honest I did try exercising even though I was experiencing pain. But as time went by the pain just worsened. Eventually I was limited to walking. Currently, I am more out-of-shape than I was when I was 80 pounds heavier.

I want to get a tummy tuck. The only downside to a tummy tuck is the 4 to 6 week recovery time. My body treats a recovery time as a recommendation.

For example the lapband has a recovery time of 2 to 4 weeks- try 6 weeks for me. This minor surgery that I just had; had a recovery time of 1 week; I still am not back to normal; it’s been over 2 weeks, and I still have the ‘ouchies’. It is safe to say that I am below the curve when it comes to recovering. I think it might have something to do with all of the medication that I have to take to keep my bipolar in check; 11 pills a day can be hard on my old immune system.

I like the path of least resistance. Should I exercise, or have a tummy tuck? I decided to compare the two options out based on simple mathematics. Here is the formula I used:

A tummy tuck usually takes 4 to 6 weeks to recover from, so knowing me the way I do I made my recovery time 8 weeks. I also quantified my projected level of pain.

Tummy Tuck Pain for 8 Weeks:

Hours of Dreadful-Pain-I-Think-I-Am-Going-To-Die; I know that I will be in this pain for at least 24 hours during the first three days: (24 hours X 3 days)

Hours of Yucky-Pain-That-Causes-Me-To-Be-Really-Grumpy-And-Oh-My-God-This-Still-Hurts; this pain will take up next 4 days, and be non-stop: (24hours X 4 days)

Hours of I-Am-Really-Sore-Why-Did-I-Do-This-Again?-Pain; there goes the next two weeks for an average of every waking moment, so that works out to be 16 hours a day: (16hours X 14 days)

Hours of Ouch-This-Really-Hurts; this pain should keep me entertained for the next 2 weeks for an average of 8 hours a day: (8 hours X 14 days)

Hours of Now-This-Is-Really-Pissing-Me-Off-Pain; a week long of pure bitchy pain for an average of 5 hours a day: (5 hours X 7 days)

Hours of This-Kinda-Still-Stings-So-Feel-Free-To-Pity-Me; this pain will be the last 2 weeks with an average of 3 hours a day: (3 hours X 14 days)

For a grand total of 581 hours of pain!

I haven’t even mentioned that showering is going to be a bitch. (Oh how I do love sponge bathes!) I’ll have drain coming out of my tummy. My mobility will be limited. David will have to take 2 weeks off of work to cater to my every need. Overall it won’t be very fun.

Am I talking myself out of it?

No I am still going to do it, but I am getting my self prepared, I am getting my head screwed on right. I am getting my mojo going.

I am thinking of joining a military style boot camp. The kind that makes you wish you were dead. I also promised to join David’s triathlon club. I am getting in shape first. I want to be toned.

From what I have been reading the more fit you are the better your tummy tuck recovery time will be.

I’m not stupid. Once this information became available to me I said, ‘Sign me up, and hit me with your best shot Drill Sergeant!’

I believe that the torture that I have to endure during boot camp will allow me to shave off 10% off of my overall recovery time which is 51 hours. (See, I am pretty good at math.) Bring it on Drill Sergeant!

I am planning my tuck in March of 2010, because I want to look rad in a bathing suit; even if it is just a one piece.