Won't You Be My Neighbour.

A few months ago I received a notice in my mail from a new neighbour who had just arrived in our complex. The note was glossy, and it was an invitation to join a painting-getting-to-know-you-so-we-can-have-barbecues-in-the-summer-and-be-great-neighbours-party! You know what else? If we were to go to this painting party we would be getting appies! (I don’t know what it is about the word ‘appy’ but I simply can’t stand it. There are some words you can shorten, but in my personal opinion appetizer is not one of them.)

I didn’t go. For two reasons:

One, I've never picked up a paint brush. I have my father on permanent retainer, and he does any job for free. He doesn’t even require food; all he needs is a radio that plays country music. Given that my painting skills are zilch I didn’t want to have to send my father over to correct anything that I had touched, so I thought it best that I stay away.

The second reason I didn’t go, and this sounds really shallow, but remember I’m always honest with you guys: I found the letter to be a little too much in your face. We currently live in a time where we don’t go out of our way to meet our new neighbours, and the letter scared me away.

WAIT A MINUTE BACK UP…

Ha! I did the exact same thing as my new neighbour did. Except I did it differently, but with the same intentions; I hosted a complex wide Christmas open house. I went door-to-door handing out Christmas cards inviting all of my neighbours to my home. At the time I felt like a door-to-door salesperson. ‘Hi, I’m Amy. We’ve never met before, but since its Christmas I thought it would be a wonderful time to change that. I’m having a Christmas open ho…’ You get the idea of my sales pitch.

I guess because I didn’t ask people to paint, and I offered ‘appetizers’ the whole complex showed up. I know; how wonderful was that? I know everybody. Well I used to know everybody. People keep moving out, and at this rate I’m going to have to throw another Christmas party next year. I’m so thankful that the door-to-door thing doesn’t bother me.

Ever since my new neighbour moved in I felt as if I should fill a basket with baked cookies and muffins, and take them over to her place. (I mean the painting is done right? What damage could I do now? I’m certainly a better baker than painter.) But something kept me away. Which isn’t like me at all; heck I will befriend a mailbox if I like it enough.

Well isn’t life funny. Last night I was face to face with my note-sending-appy-painting-neighbour. (I’ll call her Jay.) My friend begged me to go to a ‘girly night’ as she put it, which in layman’s terms meant: Arbonne spa party. I didn’t want to go. In fact I was lucky enough to escape my first invite thanks to my medication! But this time I had no time to prepare a crisis. I had to go to this one.

Nothing against Arbonne products they’re actually wonderful products. I dropped over $170 last night. That’s the reason I don’t go to these kinds of parties. My motto is stay away from: Tupperware, Pampered Chef, Mary Kay, Avon, and anything else that involves me sitting in a good friend’s home watching a consultant sell me something. I can’t resist. I love my friend, and they have cookies at their parties.

I should have known this, but it blindsided me just the same; Jay is a straight shooter. She introduced herself as the crazy lady who sent out the invitations. (How did she know I called her crazy?) I’m not used to dealing with straight shooters as most people have filters. But apparently Jay forgot hers at home. (Did I forget to install mine? Darn it, mine is at home too! This is going to be a crazy night.)

Jay also caught me out of my element. The host request we had to do ‘smoky eyes’. Mine looked more like ‘chimney sweep eyes’. I think I’ll stay conservative-thank you very much. But the host was thrilled, and to me that was all that mattered.

Here is the interesting part I think Jay and I share a lot of the same characteristics. I don’t often meet people who are as passionate about life as Jay is. We have the same story; I just haven’t told her yet. Remember the lack of filter that I think Jay misplaced? During the party one of the guest mentioned that they were tanning. And of course I just had to say something in my smart ass way.

The conversation went like this:

18 year old that is killing herself by tanning: (something-something) I’m tanning.

Me: How, there is no sun?

18 year old that is killing herself by tanning: ‘No I’m using a tanning bed.’

Me: ‘Oh, don’t you know those things will kill you?’

18 year old that is killing herself by tanning: ‘Yeah, but I quit smoking.’

Jay talking to me: ‘Way to be passive aggressive… “How are you tanning when there’s no sun…”

OOOO this girl is good. Nobody calls me out like that. Most people either don’t catch on, or they don’t know how to confront me when I’m playing cat and mouse. One point for Jay!

I learned a few things last night.

1. I should still stick to my princple and avoid home parties, as they are too costly.
2. I’m not suited for the ‘smoky eye’ look
3. I shouldn’t judge people based on their choice of the words, such as ‘appy’.
4. Jay has my one of my cherished characteristics in a person, which is ‘I do what I want, as long as it makes me happy.’
5. Maybe I will drop by Jay’s house with a basket of assorted cookies, because after all she is a character, and us characters have to stick together.