Saturday, April 5, 2008
I am Alive- I am Just Interrupted.
I am dropping in to say that I am still alive. I know that I not been around lately, but I have a good reason for it. I suffer from mental illness. I have been struggling with bipolar before Britney made it look cool and hip. This has been a very tough time for me, and I until recently I have not been able to string two sentences together coherently. Even now I find it difficult to put words to paper, but I owe it myself to try to keep a balance. I am working very closely with my doctors and I am in the difficult process of changing my medication. My family has been a true support and I know without a doubt that they will work with me to get better. When I feel better I will be back to entertain you with my daily life; I promise.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Procrastination
It all started when there wasn’t much progress happening in the weight loss department. I am not one to sit around and ponder too long, so I came up with ways to troubleshoot my weight loss stand still. Outsmarting my scale became my obsession, and to be honest it still is. I don’t recommend my plan because it does have some serious draw backs which I am about to explain.
I haven’t been able to blog- much less do anything else due to the fact that I am spending all my time in a gym sweating along with my MP3 player. I am a big fan of the elliptical machine, because it gives me the most bangs for my buck. Last week I got in trouble for staying on it longer than the 30 minute time limit, but because of my obsession I stayed on to complete my 60 minutes even though Barbie stood behind me yelling at me to get off the of the machine. I am not normally a rude person and I can assure you that I am a big fan of the rules, but when it comes to getting in 60 minutes on the elliptical Barbie can wait her turn. Then I discovered the treadmill and running; what a thrill that was! As a result of finding all these exciting exercising machines at the gym I am now drawn to their siren call. Watch out Barbie; don’t get between me and my treadmill!
When I am not at the gym I still go to Curves to do my strength training on the resistance machines. I would use the weight machines at the gym but Ken and his buddies believe their sweat make them official owners of said equipment. (I might be able to push around Barbie, but it will be a few more months before I can take on Ken and GI-Joe.) On my Curve days I also do yoga for the stretch benefit.
On top of all of that my butt is also out there burning up the pavement walking daily.
Now the working out takes up roughly two hours a day, but the procrastination takes up six, and recovery takes two hours. I don’t know why I make exercising such a big drama, because it is my choice, and it is what I want to do. However, I still treat working out like I am going to get my fingernails pulled. I have some valid “reasons” for delaying my workouts like: I am not a morning person, so I have to wait until the afternoon to get my mojo on. (Okay that is my only reason, but it is working for me, so far.)
The major draw back to my “flawless” plan is that my exercising takes up my entire day. I can’t focus on anything else because I am too busy procrastinating, and that takes a lot of effort to do it properly. Ah another chance to troubleshoot! Well since I am not a morning person, and you will never see my sunny face working out before noon; I have come up with a solution that will hopefully give me some balance (and allow me to blog.)
I am going to take every Tuesday and Thursday off from heavy working out. Instead David and I will go for a long walk in the evening. Truthfully I can’t live every waking moment avoiding the gym, this way I only have to avoid it on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays! What a relief!
I haven’t been able to blog- much less do anything else due to the fact that I am spending all my time in a gym sweating along with my MP3 player. I am a big fan of the elliptical machine, because it gives me the most bangs for my buck. Last week I got in trouble for staying on it longer than the 30 minute time limit, but because of my obsession I stayed on to complete my 60 minutes even though Barbie stood behind me yelling at me to get off the of the machine. I am not normally a rude person and I can assure you that I am a big fan of the rules, but when it comes to getting in 60 minutes on the elliptical Barbie can wait her turn. Then I discovered the treadmill and running; what a thrill that was! As a result of finding all these exciting exercising machines at the gym I am now drawn to their siren call. Watch out Barbie; don’t get between me and my treadmill!
When I am not at the gym I still go to Curves to do my strength training on the resistance machines. I would use the weight machines at the gym but Ken and his buddies believe their sweat make them official owners of said equipment. (I might be able to push around Barbie, but it will be a few more months before I can take on Ken and GI-Joe.) On my Curve days I also do yoga for the stretch benefit.
On top of all of that my butt is also out there burning up the pavement walking daily.
Now the working out takes up roughly two hours a day, but the procrastination takes up six, and recovery takes two hours. I don’t know why I make exercising such a big drama, because it is my choice, and it is what I want to do. However, I still treat working out like I am going to get my fingernails pulled. I have some valid “reasons” for delaying my workouts like: I am not a morning person, so I have to wait until the afternoon to get my mojo on. (Okay that is my only reason, but it is working for me, so far.)
The major draw back to my “flawless” plan is that my exercising takes up my entire day. I can’t focus on anything else because I am too busy procrastinating, and that takes a lot of effort to do it properly. Ah another chance to troubleshoot! Well since I am not a morning person, and you will never see my sunny face working out before noon; I have come up with a solution that will hopefully give me some balance (and allow me to blog.)
I am going to take every Tuesday and Thursday off from heavy working out. Instead David and I will go for a long walk in the evening. Truthfully I can’t live every waking moment avoiding the gym, this way I only have to avoid it on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays! What a relief!
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Bad Habits
Since losing weight I have developed some bad habits. Ladies and gentlemen I have bones. You see when I was heavy my bones were buried under the fat, and I thought I was made of Jell-O and boneless.
One day I woke up and I noticed something poking up from my midsection. “Oh my God I have ribs!” I’d better check the other side to see if I grew some there too. Yup there they were. Hmmm…I’d better count them; four on each side. Soon I could count five; I grew another one. Then I could actually see some of them, wow! Bad habit number one: Counting my ribs every morning.
When I was overweight I would look at magazines and scoff at the models who had collarbones. “How disgusting, look at her!” Alright sometimes those poor girls can go too far, and it really does look bad, but for the most part I was just jealous. I wanted sleek collar bones too. I was getting really tired of my bras falling off my shoulders because I had nothing to hold them up. Guess what! I have collar bones! Yes it is true. I can’t wait until summer so I can wear a strappy little dress and show off these babies. Bad habit number two: I keep poking at them. I love to turn my neck slightly, and run my fingers over the bone. Bad habit number three: I actually show people my collar bone accomplishment! “Hey look at this…I have a bone here.” This is starting to get a little sad.
I haven’t developed bad habit number four yet, but I just discovered that I have hip bones. I think I need an intervention!
One day I woke up and I noticed something poking up from my midsection. “Oh my God I have ribs!” I’d better check the other side to see if I grew some there too. Yup there they were. Hmmm…I’d better count them; four on each side. Soon I could count five; I grew another one. Then I could actually see some of them, wow! Bad habit number one: Counting my ribs every morning.
When I was overweight I would look at magazines and scoff at the models who had collarbones. “How disgusting, look at her!” Alright sometimes those poor girls can go too far, and it really does look bad, but for the most part I was just jealous. I wanted sleek collar bones too. I was getting really tired of my bras falling off my shoulders because I had nothing to hold them up. Guess what! I have collar bones! Yes it is true. I can’t wait until summer so I can wear a strappy little dress and show off these babies. Bad habit number two: I keep poking at them. I love to turn my neck slightly, and run my fingers over the bone. Bad habit number three: I actually show people my collar bone accomplishment! “Hey look at this…I have a bone here.” This is starting to get a little sad.
I haven’t developed bad habit number four yet, but I just discovered that I have hip bones. I think I need an intervention!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Tide, Cheer, Chores
David and I have cohabitated for what seems like eons now, and we have finally gotten into the groove. When we first moved in together I was a cleaning machine; I cleaned almost every day. Then I would get mad at him for never cleaning, but the truth of the matter was I never gave him a chance to clean, because I thought he couldn’t “do it right.” Now when it comes to doing chores we have determined our weaknesses and strengths and divided the chores up accordingly.
For instances (according to David) I shrink, turn our clothes shades of pink and purple, and somehow lose socks in the process of washing our garments. He claims I do not know how to separate laundry. In my defence I put the clothes in two piles: colors, and whites. Where we have a difference of opinions is in the “color” category. David scrutinizes to see if it has red or blue in it. If the piece of clothing is really dark he does a small load of “really dark” clothes; if the piece of clothing has even a little bit of red in it he washes it with the reds. The man even washes the towels separately! My method is- hey if it has color in it- it must go in the color bin. (Most of the time it works out.) One day I was in the laundry room doing laundry and David came in and told me that I was FIRED! I was escorted out of the room; he actually fired me! He has Laundry-Room-Radar, because if I even walk too close to the laundry room door he yells from up from downstairs, “Amy, what are you doing? Don’t even think about touching the laundry.” One night (while he was away) I took it upon myself to teach Holly how to do the laundry. Holly and I were very pleased with our accomplishments (yes, her white panties did have a slight pinkish tinge to them, but I figure it’s like getting a new pair!) I should stop here and mention my biggest laundry faux pas- I will start a load of laundry and then get distracted and leave the load of wet clothes in the washer for a bit of time; sometimes it has to be re-washed. Well on my laundry mentoring night Holly and I did get distracted and forgot the laundry and when David returned home later that evening he saw our method of “sorting”. To make a long story short: Holly is fired too; until David can teach her to sort properly.
To be fair in place of laundry I took on cleaning the three bathrooms in the house. I don’t mind cleaning bathrooms, because I hired an assistant who loves to clean the bathrooms! Ten year olds are absolutely CRAZY, but I love the free labor. Holly is really good at it too; the only thing that is really tough for her to clean is the bathroom mirror. So if you have been following along carefully I traded in laundry duties for cleaning mirrors, and bathroom inspections; what a deal! Now I am not stupid I know Holly will not always want to clean the bathroom, but by then I am hoping we can afford a cleaning crew.
David vacuums, and I dust. I sweep, but David sweeps up the dirt into the dustpan. (For some reason “dust-panning” was not a skill I got the hang of. I can chase that dirt around for hours.) David and I both share the dishes, but I will admit he does them more than I do, but I clean the counters more than he does. I am a better organizer than he is, so I keep our house clutter free.
Our whole family shares the cleaning duties in our house, and I am so much happier for it. Our house for the most part is kept spotless, but liveable. Our clothes stay in their original color, and size thanks to David’s efforts. Most importantly we come together as a family and make our house our home.
For instances (according to David) I shrink, turn our clothes shades of pink and purple, and somehow lose socks in the process of washing our garments. He claims I do not know how to separate laundry. In my defence I put the clothes in two piles: colors, and whites. Where we have a difference of opinions is in the “color” category. David scrutinizes to see if it has red or blue in it. If the piece of clothing is really dark he does a small load of “really dark” clothes; if the piece of clothing has even a little bit of red in it he washes it with the reds. The man even washes the towels separately! My method is- hey if it has color in it- it must go in the color bin. (Most of the time it works out.) One day I was in the laundry room doing laundry and David came in and told me that I was FIRED! I was escorted out of the room; he actually fired me! He has Laundry-Room-Radar, because if I even walk too close to the laundry room door he yells from up from downstairs, “Amy, what are you doing? Don’t even think about touching the laundry.” One night (while he was away) I took it upon myself to teach Holly how to do the laundry. Holly and I were very pleased with our accomplishments (yes, her white panties did have a slight pinkish tinge to them, but I figure it’s like getting a new pair!) I should stop here and mention my biggest laundry faux pas- I will start a load of laundry and then get distracted and leave the load of wet clothes in the washer for a bit of time; sometimes it has to be re-washed. Well on my laundry mentoring night Holly and I did get distracted and forgot the laundry and when David returned home later that evening he saw our method of “sorting”. To make a long story short: Holly is fired too; until David can teach her to sort properly.
To be fair in place of laundry I took on cleaning the three bathrooms in the house. I don’t mind cleaning bathrooms, because I hired an assistant who loves to clean the bathrooms! Ten year olds are absolutely CRAZY, but I love the free labor. Holly is really good at it too; the only thing that is really tough for her to clean is the bathroom mirror. So if you have been following along carefully I traded in laundry duties for cleaning mirrors, and bathroom inspections; what a deal! Now I am not stupid I know Holly will not always want to clean the bathroom, but by then I am hoping we can afford a cleaning crew.
David vacuums, and I dust. I sweep, but David sweeps up the dirt into the dustpan. (For some reason “dust-panning” was not a skill I got the hang of. I can chase that dirt around for hours.) David and I both share the dishes, but I will admit he does them more than I do, but I clean the counters more than he does. I am a better organizer than he is, so I keep our house clutter free.
Our whole family shares the cleaning duties in our house, and I am so much happier for it. Our house for the most part is kept spotless, but liveable. Our clothes stay in their original color, and size thanks to David’s efforts. Most importantly we come together as a family and make our house our home.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
I Have Some News
I have to share this with you-no really I must. We are all in this together and you deserve to hear this from me.
I woke up to a winter-wonderland, and you know how I feel about that. Today something was different I watched the snow fall from the warm soft comfort of my bed, and thought about going to yoga class. Today is Tuesday, which means in a few hours I would be stretching and kissing my yoga pad. I got out of bed and headed for the shower. “Oh my God today is Tuesday, oh I have to weigh myself.” I stood frozen in my bathroom wondering if I should actually weigh myself, or ignore it and do it next week. “I don’t think I can handle another gain.” I told the face in my bathroom mirror. She nodded in agreement, but told me to get the scale anyway. I cursed her as I went and got the scale from its secret hiding place. David came in and asked me what I was doing, and then he saw it - THE SCALE. I asked him to follow me into the bathroom to referee the weigh-in, and after seeing that there was nowhere to hide he agreed.
Amy: I am not actually going to look at the scale. You do it for me. Plus if I stand straight and tall on the scale I think I will weigh less.
David: Alright, but it shouldn’t matter how you stand on the scale…
Amy: It totally matters!
I stepped on the scale, arms at my side, back straight, my eyes faced forward,
Amy: So?
David: What?
Amy: How much?
David: Do you really want to know?
(I knew I should have gone pee before I stepped on the scale, because then the number would be a little better at least. And then I remember I have been working out, and muscle weighs more than fat, right?)
Amy: Yes tell me.
David: 198
Amy: SHUT UP!
Then I proceed to get on and off the scale ten times or so to make sure. I even go as far as to add my workout weights to my body and weigh myself, and then take them off just to test the scale. Sure enough: 198!
After I nearly wore out the batteries on the scale I handed the scale to David, and told him to hide the scale for two weeks. My reasoning was this: I don’t want to see my weight go up and down even just a little bit. If I wait two weeks I should clear 200 long enough to be far enough away that I will never see it again.
I am totally proud of myself! I am absolutely continuing my daily routines, which are a must for me to stay under the dreaded 200’s. My next goal: 185- It just sounds so sexy.
I woke up to a winter-wonderland, and you know how I feel about that. Today something was different I watched the snow fall from the warm soft comfort of my bed, and thought about going to yoga class. Today is Tuesday, which means in a few hours I would be stretching and kissing my yoga pad. I got out of bed and headed for the shower. “Oh my God today is Tuesday, oh I have to weigh myself.” I stood frozen in my bathroom wondering if I should actually weigh myself, or ignore it and do it next week. “I don’t think I can handle another gain.” I told the face in my bathroom mirror. She nodded in agreement, but told me to get the scale anyway. I cursed her as I went and got the scale from its secret hiding place. David came in and asked me what I was doing, and then he saw it - THE SCALE. I asked him to follow me into the bathroom to referee the weigh-in, and after seeing that there was nowhere to hide he agreed.
Amy: I am not actually going to look at the scale. You do it for me. Plus if I stand straight and tall on the scale I think I will weigh less.
David: Alright, but it shouldn’t matter how you stand on the scale…
Amy: It totally matters!
I stepped on the scale, arms at my side, back straight, my eyes faced forward,
Amy: So?
David: What?
Amy: How much?
David: Do you really want to know?
(I knew I should have gone pee before I stepped on the scale, because then the number would be a little better at least. And then I remember I have been working out, and muscle weighs more than fat, right?)
Amy: Yes tell me.
David: 198
Amy: SHUT UP!
Then I proceed to get on and off the scale ten times or so to make sure. I even go as far as to add my workout weights to my body and weigh myself, and then take them off just to test the scale. Sure enough: 198!
After I nearly wore out the batteries on the scale I handed the scale to David, and told him to hide the scale for two weeks. My reasoning was this: I don’t want to see my weight go up and down even just a little bit. If I wait two weeks I should clear 200 long enough to be far enough away that I will never see it again.
I am totally proud of myself! I am absolutely continuing my daily routines, which are a must for me to stay under the dreaded 200’s. My next goal: 185- It just sounds so sexy.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Protein Drinks Suck
Life can be unfair…well not really, but sometimes enough for me to take notice and complain. I am hiding out in our “den”; trying to ignore the delicious smells coming from our kitchen. At this very moment David is enjoying a wonderful dish of chicken and rice, and I know first hand that his taste buds are in heaven. Most of you are probably wondering why my husband is consuming dinner without me. Well the truth of the matter is I can not eat solid food, because I am back to dining on liquid-fare.
To be honest no matter how fancy you dress up a protein shake up it never smells good. “Oh my God smell this!”
“What is it?”
“It’s the new smell-good protein shake.”
“Wow that is nice; if it taste half as good as it smells I am totally in!”
And while we are on the subject of smelling things I need to ask you all a question. Does this happen to you or is it just me? Here it is: I have this friend and whenever anything smells bad she ALWAYS says, “Yuck, smell this,” and then proceeds to shove the disgusting item to my nasal region for a second opinion. The stupid part is I actually smell the item, as if her word wasn’t good enough. I should learn to put more faith in her sniffing abilities.
Let’s be honest with each here: protein drinks do not taste great. They may taste okay, or good, but not great. Who am I kidding that taste like crap. We can make them any flavor we want, but you can always taste that ever-so-lovely protein aftertaste. Don’t mind me I am just grumpy because for the next 24 hours I am sucking down protein drinks, yummy. I had better go I here the blender…
To be honest no matter how fancy you dress up a protein shake up it never smells good. “Oh my God smell this!”
“What is it?”
“It’s the new smell-good protein shake.”
“Wow that is nice; if it taste half as good as it smells I am totally in!”
And while we are on the subject of smelling things I need to ask you all a question. Does this happen to you or is it just me? Here it is: I have this friend and whenever anything smells bad she ALWAYS says, “Yuck, smell this,” and then proceeds to shove the disgusting item to my nasal region for a second opinion. The stupid part is I actually smell the item, as if her word wasn’t good enough. I should learn to put more faith in her sniffing abilities.
Let’s be honest with each here: protein drinks do not taste great. They may taste okay, or good, but not great. Who am I kidding that taste like crap. We can make them any flavor we want, but you can always taste that ever-so-lovely protein aftertaste. Don’t mind me I am just grumpy because for the next 24 hours I am sucking down protein drinks, yummy. I had better go I here the blender…
Friday, January 25, 2008
I Am Hot!
I am hot! Surprisingly enough I don’t mean this in a vain way. I mean literally, I am warm as in, “Can someone turn on the air conditioner?” It is currently a balmy -5C or 23F degrees outside. Don’t worry I am taking the necessary steps to cool myself off: I’ve managed to drink 1 ½ of water in the last hour to cool my body core. I have taken a cold shower, I have turned off the furnace in the house, and I am sitting in my office with both windows open creating a cross-breeze. So far nothing has proven successful. I may have to break out the summer fans to get some sleep; I can not sleep if I am too warm. My next step is to get into our deep freeze and just go to sleep in there.
Up-Date:
As I near the end of week one I am thrilled to report that I am on track with my exercise goals. I have fulfilled all obligations for this week-so far. Tomorrow is the gym. I bought cute new workout capri pants to wear tomorrow. They were only $7.00! And the good news is: I did not HAVE buy them in the plus size department, but if I had bought them there they would have been closer to $30.00. What a total rip off for plus-size clothes! How do those guys sleep at night? (David says, “On their big pile of money!” )
Well my toes are starting to get a little cold now so I guess I will give bed a try.
Good Night All!
Up-Date:
As I near the end of week one I am thrilled to report that I am on track with my exercise goals. I have fulfilled all obligations for this week-so far. Tomorrow is the gym. I bought cute new workout capri pants to wear tomorrow. They were only $7.00! And the good news is: I did not HAVE buy them in the plus size department, but if I had bought them there they would have been closer to $30.00. What a total rip off for plus-size clothes! How do those guys sleep at night? (David says, “On their big pile of money!” )
Well my toes are starting to get a little cold now so I guess I will give bed a try.
Good Night All!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
I Gained Weight!
I feel like selling the farm, giving up the goat. I don’t have a goat to give so we are okay on goat trading today, but at any rate I am frustrated. I will let you know that I am typing very slowly because in addition to typing I am also banging my head against my desk. I know that this is counterproductive, but I don’t know what else to do. Seriously I am out of ideas.
Let’s have a frank discussion about my weight loss. My cage is all rattled up, because of my difficulties, so let’s just deal with it. In case you just tuned in I have been struggling to lose weight. I know I make it look easy at times, but if I am being absolutely honest I have to tell you that it is harder than it looks. I have hit the wall so hard I have given myself a concussion. The truth is during the month of January I have successfully managed to gain 2 pounds. OUCH!
I am not happy with these results. I am going to take action. I am not a person who cries and expects the world to fix my problems. I am a fix-it-myself-kinda-girl. (Once I stop banging my head on my desk….okay…)
Here is my plan:
1. Start a six day exercise regime (The word regime just sounds so intimidating, like you know it is going to be a lot of work, and it is going to involve a lot of pain.)
2. Cut my calories down drastically. (I have to do this with pure self-control. I am in need of a fill, but my doctor is under the opinion that I need to wait four more weeks.)
3. Get a lap ban…wait I already did that. (Darn that thing is supposed to work wonders too.)
Exercise Regime:
Monday: Curves
Tuesday: Yoga
Wednesday: Curves
Thursday: Swimming
Friday: Gym
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, Sunday: One hour walk
(If you see me out and about on any given day not doing my exercises, please return me to the nearest gym, yoga hut, or Curves outlet.)
My goal is to lose 15 pounds by March 4th. I will be doing this on a wing and a prayer. Wish me good luck; because this is not a goal…this is my reality.
Let’s have a frank discussion about my weight loss. My cage is all rattled up, because of my difficulties, so let’s just deal with it. In case you just tuned in I have been struggling to lose weight. I know I make it look easy at times, but if I am being absolutely honest I have to tell you that it is harder than it looks. I have hit the wall so hard I have given myself a concussion. The truth is during the month of January I have successfully managed to gain 2 pounds. OUCH!
I am not happy with these results. I am going to take action. I am not a person who cries and expects the world to fix my problems. I am a fix-it-myself-kinda-girl. (Once I stop banging my head on my desk….okay…)
Here is my plan:
1. Start a six day exercise regime (The word regime just sounds so intimidating, like you know it is going to be a lot of work, and it is going to involve a lot of pain.)
2. Cut my calories down drastically. (I have to do this with pure self-control. I am in need of a fill, but my doctor is under the opinion that I need to wait four more weeks.)
3. Get a lap ban…wait I already did that. (Darn that thing is supposed to work wonders too.)
Exercise Regime:
Monday: Curves
Tuesday: Yoga
Wednesday: Curves
Thursday: Swimming
Friday: Gym
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, Sunday: One hour walk
(If you see me out and about on any given day not doing my exercises, please return me to the nearest gym, yoga hut, or Curves outlet.)
My goal is to lose 15 pounds by March 4th. I will be doing this on a wing and a prayer. Wish me good luck; because this is not a goal…this is my reality.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
When You Get Knocked On Your Butt by the Flu
I have been M.I.A. from blogging for a few weeks because I was sick. I had a flu-cold combo, which turns into the “I-bet-you-wish-you-were-dead-huh?” flu-cold combination. No matter how much I pleaded, bribed, or begged it would not release me from its deadly grip. I would go to bed at night with the hopes that tomorrow would be the day that the tides would change and I would feel better. I would open my eyes in the morning, and I still felt like crap. I bought medication after medication believing their promise of wellness. After watching a commercial for some wonder drug I would turn to David and say, “Quick the drug store is closing in ten minutes; get me some of that! I have every symptom listed, and it says it will fix every one of them! Why would they lie? Don’t give me that face…yes I know you are in your PJs but we are at war!” As you can see I put a lot of faith in commercials.
Now I am not admitting to anything, but it may have been the countless trips to the drugstore at midnight, or just being around me, but David decided the best way to get out of going to the store was to get sick too. There were days we would just sleep in bed, and nothing else; except for the occasional whimper of pain. We also enjoyed the playing the game “Who is the Most Tired.” (To play this game you have to convince the other person you couldn’t possibly get up and cook dinner or do any other chores around the house. I must tell you that I was very good at this game; in fact I am the house champion!) As of now I am taking care of the house, because David is still a little under the weather, but he will not admit it.
I have learned a lot from this whole experience: flues are getting worse and are harder to kill off, and I must remember to get a flu shot in October next year!
Now I am not admitting to anything, but it may have been the countless trips to the drugstore at midnight, or just being around me, but David decided the best way to get out of going to the store was to get sick too. There were days we would just sleep in bed, and nothing else; except for the occasional whimper of pain. We also enjoyed the playing the game “Who is the Most Tired.” (To play this game you have to convince the other person you couldn’t possibly get up and cook dinner or do any other chores around the house. I must tell you that I was very good at this game; in fact I am the house champion!) As of now I am taking care of the house, because David is still a little under the weather, but he will not admit it.
I have learned a lot from this whole experience: flues are getting worse and are harder to kill off, and I must remember to get a flu shot in October next year!
Saturday, January 5, 2008
My Christmas Weight Loss Challenge.
For my faithful followers,
In December I made a weight loss goal to lose 8.5 pounds, which is what most people gain during the holiday season. I don’t know how I did it, but by the skin of my teeth I did it! I lost 8.5 pounds during the holiday season. (Amy 1. Holiday cookies 0. )
In December I made a weight loss goal to lose 8.5 pounds, which is what most people gain during the holiday season. I don’t know how I did it, but by the skin of my teeth I did it! I lost 8.5 pounds during the holiday season. (Amy 1. Holiday cookies 0. )
Friday, January 4, 2008
Happy 3 Month Anniversary!
Anniversaries mean a lot to me. Much to David’s chagrin I celebrate everything. In translation that usually involves him having to “celebrate” by shopping, and me “celebrating” by receiving.
Me: David do you know what today is?
Little beads of sweat start to form on his brow, and his eyes start to fixate like a deer unable to move away from certain tragedy, because he knows what is coming next he just doesn’t know what form it will take.
David: What’s today?
Amy: You don’t know? (My voice starts to crack. David’s head starts to throb.)
I should stop here and save the man, because it could be anything! It could be the anniversary of our first kiss. The anniversary of the first day we moved in together. The anniversary of day he asked me to marry him. It could be the anniversary we bought our first home; you get the idea. My memory is long, and David failed to invest in a calendar, so sometimes he gets blindsided. The worse one for David is our wedding anniversary. I will say up front he has never forgotten our wedding anniversary. I just throw him curve balls every chance I get.
David: Hey Amy do you know what tomorrow is?
Me: Yeah, but it is no big deal.
Now he looks confused and tired, because he has spent countless nights unable to sleep, because he was trying to plan our perfect anniversary.
Me: We don’t have to do anything big to celebrate; let’s just do something small.
David: Okay.
The problem was my definition of something “small”. For my part it meant I will get David something small to show I am thinking about him, and I will make him dinner. For David’s part it should be business as usual. Unfortunately for him he thought small meant small. He scrapped his “big” idea which would have been fine, and went for “small” which was not fine. We had been married for a few years before David caught on to my definition of “small” in regards to our anniversary.
2008 will be our thirteen wedding anniversary, and we will probably have a “small” celebration. David will spend sleepless nights planning how to shower me with tokens of love, and I will make him his favorite chicken dinner. Everyone will be happy.
January 3rd is my three month anniversary for being banded. I have lost 43 pounds. I am celebrating the day by working out. The question is: does David know it is an anniversary day? Hmmm… should I tell him or let the poor guy get some sleep?
Me: David do you know what today is?
Little beads of sweat start to form on his brow, and his eyes start to fixate like a deer unable to move away from certain tragedy, because he knows what is coming next he just doesn’t know what form it will take.
David: What’s today?
Amy: You don’t know? (My voice starts to crack. David’s head starts to throb.)
I should stop here and save the man, because it could be anything! It could be the anniversary of our first kiss. The anniversary of the first day we moved in together. The anniversary of day he asked me to marry him. It could be the anniversary we bought our first home; you get the idea. My memory is long, and David failed to invest in a calendar, so sometimes he gets blindsided. The worse one for David is our wedding anniversary. I will say up front he has never forgotten our wedding anniversary. I just throw him curve balls every chance I get.
David: Hey Amy do you know what tomorrow is?
Me: Yeah, but it is no big deal.
Now he looks confused and tired, because he has spent countless nights unable to sleep, because he was trying to plan our perfect anniversary.
Me: We don’t have to do anything big to celebrate; let’s just do something small.
David: Okay.
The problem was my definition of something “small”. For my part it meant I will get David something small to show I am thinking about him, and I will make him dinner. For David’s part it should be business as usual. Unfortunately for him he thought small meant small. He scrapped his “big” idea which would have been fine, and went for “small” which was not fine. We had been married for a few years before David caught on to my definition of “small” in regards to our anniversary.
2008 will be our thirteen wedding anniversary, and we will probably have a “small” celebration. David will spend sleepless nights planning how to shower me with tokens of love, and I will make him his favorite chicken dinner. Everyone will be happy.
January 3rd is my three month anniversary for being banded. I have lost 43 pounds. I am celebrating the day by working out. The question is: does David know it is an anniversary day? Hmmm… should I tell him or let the poor guy get some sleep?
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Happy Holidays and Other Things That People Say!
Wow December hit me like a ton of bricks. I never appreciated what that saying truly meant until now. There I was relaxing, drinking my Starbucks, watching my Christmas tree rotate, and the next thing I know I am being held hostage in a 24-hour Wal-Mart looking for this year’s sold-out-must-have-gift: Password Journal. All the while I am thinking to myself why in the world would my only child need a "password" journal? As her parents we not about to intrude on her privacy, but obviously I can not speak for the cat and dog. Usually I am a prepared gift giver, but this year I screwed the pooch. All my gifts were last minute. We travelled over 100 km to look for this toy. We hunted in Toy's R Us and Wal-Marts; we would have tried more stores but they were the only ones that catered to desperate parents at midnight. Normally after the first store I would have said, "Screw it", but it became an obsession. At 2am we were standing in Wal-Mart which happened to be crowded. We couldn’t walk through the isles without bumping into desperate shoppers. I realized then we were never going to find this toy, because if they ever had this stupid toy; they wouldn't have had anymore at two in morning! We were about eighteen hours too late. We ended getting her High School Musical 2. I won't even mention that the lines were twenty customers long at 2 am. Go home and sleep for God’s sake…oh wait I was there too…never mind.
Then there was the gift wrapping itself. It takes me an hour or so to wrap a gift. I just can't put a bow on the gift and call it good. If that was all that is expected of me the folks at Hallmark wouldn't have made curling ribbon and such. While I wrapped the gifts I watched Christmas movies and prime time TV. Let’s just say I watched a lot of TV.
We visited my in-laws. At my in-laws we have Christmas traditions that I adore. We eat a wonderful Christmas dinner, for dessert we eat rice pudding, we try and win chocolates by finding the almond in the pudding, we sing Christmas songs around the Christmas tree, Holly plays Santa Claus, and my father-in-law complains that I use too much tape. (Which I do, but I can't break a tradition.) My in-laws spoil me at Christmas, but the best gift they have given me for Christmas is the traditions we celebrate.
On Christmas day we flew to my mother's house for Christmas. My future sister-in-law (if my brother would get around to marrying her) made a wonderful Christmas dinner. My whole family was there, which was a great feeling. The family sat around the tree, which was wonderful because it was the first time that we had all been together in ten years. My favourite part was that Santa remembered to fill my childhood stocking. My family may not have traditions, because we fly by the seat of our pants when it comes to Christmas, but it was still magical. I would have to say bar-none it was the best Christmas we ever celebrated.
On New Years we spent it with friends. We had gourmet food, watched great British TV, and rung in the New Year with Dick Clark.
My holidays were spectacular, how were yours?
Then there was the gift wrapping itself. It takes me an hour or so to wrap a gift. I just can't put a bow on the gift and call it good. If that was all that is expected of me the folks at Hallmark wouldn't have made curling ribbon and such. While I wrapped the gifts I watched Christmas movies and prime time TV. Let’s just say I watched a lot of TV.
We visited my in-laws. At my in-laws we have Christmas traditions that I adore. We eat a wonderful Christmas dinner, for dessert we eat rice pudding, we try and win chocolates by finding the almond in the pudding, we sing Christmas songs around the Christmas tree, Holly plays Santa Claus, and my father-in-law complains that I use too much tape. (Which I do, but I can't break a tradition.) My in-laws spoil me at Christmas, but the best gift they have given me for Christmas is the traditions we celebrate.
On Christmas day we flew to my mother's house for Christmas. My future sister-in-law (if my brother would get around to marrying her) made a wonderful Christmas dinner. My whole family was there, which was a great feeling. The family sat around the tree, which was wonderful because it was the first time that we had all been together in ten years. My favourite part was that Santa remembered to fill my childhood stocking. My family may not have traditions, because we fly by the seat of our pants when it comes to Christmas, but it was still magical. I would have to say bar-none it was the best Christmas we ever celebrated.
On New Years we spent it with friends. We had gourmet food, watched great British TV, and rung in the New Year with Dick Clark.
My holidays were spectacular, how were yours?
Monday, December 17, 2007
What I Did Last Weekend.
For the last few weeks I have been planning a Christmas Open House for my neighbours and new friends. I had a hard time deciding if I was actually going to host this party. My family was on stand-by minute to minute. Yes…no…maybe. "Well now I bought Christmas bathroom towels, so I guess we have to have the party. Hey look the invitations are 60% off; it’s like it’s meant to be!" I decided to host a party based on the price of cards and bathroom towels. After a lot of procrastination I wrote out the invitations to our bash, but to be perfectly honest I didn’t know all of our neighbour’s names, so I left the cards blank. I hand delivered the invitations door-to-door. I used to sell vacuum cleaners door-to-door, so I won’t lie to you; it was a little nerve racking talking to strangers, and inviting to my home nonetheless.
I was very lucky David and Holly supported my crazy party idea. We shopped for the perfect plastic Christmas table covering, Christmas tree ornaments, napkins, cups, and everything else you might possibly need for a party. I even bought mistletoe; I don’t know what in the world I was thinking; meet’em and kiss’em? Wow this is a friendly house! You’ll be happy to know that we put the mistletoe in the far corner, and to my knowledge it wasn’t used. I have always wanted to have a Christmas party that included mistletoe, so this party qualified.
I was positive that only a few people would show up, but to my happy surprise over 50 people made an appearance! Our home was packed, and I was thrilled. They ate our food and drank our wine; it was the best Christmas present I have ever received. Speaking of presents, our guest brought so many wonderful gifts-it was amazing! I am glad we opened our home to our neighbours, and friends. We are new to the area, so now we feel a little more connected and at home. I finally get what Christmas is about. It is about people, and sharing the season with them. I can’t wait to host next year’s open house.
As for the mistletoe it has gone to good use. David has started to carry it around the house with him, and wherever I am the mistletoe happens to be. I am so flattered. He says that maybe he is abusing it, but I told him that it won’t be considered abused until May.
I was very lucky David and Holly supported my crazy party idea. We shopped for the perfect plastic Christmas table covering, Christmas tree ornaments, napkins, cups, and everything else you might possibly need for a party. I even bought mistletoe; I don’t know what in the world I was thinking; meet’em and kiss’em? Wow this is a friendly house! You’ll be happy to know that we put the mistletoe in the far corner, and to my knowledge it wasn’t used. I have always wanted to have a Christmas party that included mistletoe, so this party qualified.
I was positive that only a few people would show up, but to my happy surprise over 50 people made an appearance! Our home was packed, and I was thrilled. They ate our food and drank our wine; it was the best Christmas present I have ever received. Speaking of presents, our guest brought so many wonderful gifts-it was amazing! I am glad we opened our home to our neighbours, and friends. We are new to the area, so now we feel a little more connected and at home. I finally get what Christmas is about. It is about people, and sharing the season with them. I can’t wait to host next year’s open house.
As for the mistletoe it has gone to good use. David has started to carry it around the house with him, and wherever I am the mistletoe happens to be. I am so flattered. He says that maybe he is abusing it, but I told him that it won’t be considered abused until May.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Anyone Got A Light?
I have been trying to write for a few days, but I am hitting a wall. I think it is because I haven’t been dealing with something that has been weighing heavily on my mind. I am so tired of keeping it bottled up that the pressure has caused my whole body to be exceptionally tired. Even my fingers are tired they feel as if I clenching them for two weeks straight. What I am about to say is personal. I don’t know who reads my blog, maybe no one does, but I have to say it anyway…
Last month a dear friend and I broke off our relationship. I decided that it would be in our best interest to go our separate ways after receiving an email from her. She was upset about my weight loss surgery, and the changes I was expressing. I believe she likes me better overweight. She said that she wasn’t ready to support me, and didn’t know if or when she would be ready to support me. We were friends since we were children, and I thought we would friends until our dying day. There is a lot of “baggage” on both of our parts that finally come to pass. I have to admit my dreams of forever were just pipe dreams.
My other friends and family who understand the history between my friend and I are happy to see us part company. In fact they are all relieved. I am sure most of their anger is in part due to the pain I have exhibited during the last few weeks. But here is the rub: while everyone is having a ticker-tape-parade about our separation- I am here feeling heartbroken. It is hard for me to find anyone to talk to, because most people that I confide in have a hard time containing their happiness. It is hard to talk to someone when they are thrilled that you cut someone out of your life that they deemed toxic. However I want to scream, “What about my pain? Like her or not- she was a big part of my life, and I happen to think she was special.”
Am I supposed to pick myself up and move on? Yeah, because that is what I have done. I am working out, taking care of myself, keeping busy, and planning a party. I am doing what is expected of me.
I would have been fine, except someone important to me told me that this could have been avoided if I had just protected myself. Apparently, I am too open, thereby leaving an opportunity for people to hurt me. I need to keep secrets. For instance: if she never knew about my surgery then we could still been friends. In short: I need to keep secrets from all of you. I need to refrain from showing you how happy I am, because it may cause some of you to blow out my light. Knock me down. I need to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve, because it makes me vulnerable. Because of the “event” and this conversation my spirit feels ripped apart. I want to cry, because if this is what I have to do to protect myself then what is the point? To me life is about experiences and happiness. I have had so much joy robbed from me in the last three years; that every little bit I get is a gift. I don’t want to hide it away like a miser; I want to share it with the world! What I have a hard time understanding is this: I don’t want to hurt other people. My intentions are to light to other people’s burnt out candles; not to stomp it out. I thought most people shared my values. Now I feel stupid, lonely, confused, but I am still determined to get through this.
As for my friend and I…we can never have a relationship again. I know when things are not good for either of us, and this relationship was not healthy. I wish somebody would understand how much this is hurting, and no be so damn happy with the fact she is gone. I know in time I will find a proper perspective for this special past relationship, and it will be something that I can take with me on my journey. Her voice will always be with me, and her goodness will always be in my heart. I wish she could have loved me thick or thin.
I am just telling everyone who is reading this that I am refusing to cover up my light! If you want to stomp on it; I say bring it on, because I am stocking up on matches! To the person who criticizes my heart on my sleeve, if you don’t like it…there is the door! I don’t feel better yet, but I am a fighter, so don’t worry too much about me.
Last month a dear friend and I broke off our relationship. I decided that it would be in our best interest to go our separate ways after receiving an email from her. She was upset about my weight loss surgery, and the changes I was expressing. I believe she likes me better overweight. She said that she wasn’t ready to support me, and didn’t know if or when she would be ready to support me. We were friends since we were children, and I thought we would friends until our dying day. There is a lot of “baggage” on both of our parts that finally come to pass. I have to admit my dreams of forever were just pipe dreams.
My other friends and family who understand the history between my friend and I are happy to see us part company. In fact they are all relieved. I am sure most of their anger is in part due to the pain I have exhibited during the last few weeks. But here is the rub: while everyone is having a ticker-tape-parade about our separation- I am here feeling heartbroken. It is hard for me to find anyone to talk to, because most people that I confide in have a hard time containing their happiness. It is hard to talk to someone when they are thrilled that you cut someone out of your life that they deemed toxic. However I want to scream, “What about my pain? Like her or not- she was a big part of my life, and I happen to think she was special.”
Am I supposed to pick myself up and move on? Yeah, because that is what I have done. I am working out, taking care of myself, keeping busy, and planning a party. I am doing what is expected of me.
I would have been fine, except someone important to me told me that this could have been avoided if I had just protected myself. Apparently, I am too open, thereby leaving an opportunity for people to hurt me. I need to keep secrets. For instance: if she never knew about my surgery then we could still been friends. In short: I need to keep secrets from all of you. I need to refrain from showing you how happy I am, because it may cause some of you to blow out my light. Knock me down. I need to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve, because it makes me vulnerable. Because of the “event” and this conversation my spirit feels ripped apart. I want to cry, because if this is what I have to do to protect myself then what is the point? To me life is about experiences and happiness. I have had so much joy robbed from me in the last three years; that every little bit I get is a gift. I don’t want to hide it away like a miser; I want to share it with the world! What I have a hard time understanding is this: I don’t want to hurt other people. My intentions are to light to other people’s burnt out candles; not to stomp it out. I thought most people shared my values. Now I feel stupid, lonely, confused, but I am still determined to get through this.
As for my friend and I…we can never have a relationship again. I know when things are not good for either of us, and this relationship was not healthy. I wish somebody would understand how much this is hurting, and no be so damn happy with the fact she is gone. I know in time I will find a proper perspective for this special past relationship, and it will be something that I can take with me on my journey. Her voice will always be with me, and her goodness will always be in my heart. I wish she could have loved me thick or thin.
I am just telling everyone who is reading this that I am refusing to cover up my light! If you want to stomp on it; I say bring it on, because I am stocking up on matches! To the person who criticizes my heart on my sleeve, if you don’t like it…there is the door! I don’t feel better yet, but I am a fighter, so don’t worry too much about me.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
I Never Gave Up...And See I Got the Man!
I believe if you work hard; anything can be conquered. As an adult I carry that belief with me today. I literally believe “Anything is possible.” Don’t get me wrong my beliefs have caused me to have bumpy roads. When it would be in my best interest to give up and just go with the flow I keep fighting, and at times my stubbornness can make things a little more complicated.
Whenever I think something is impossible I remember the story of how David and I fell in love:
It was the summer of 1990. I had just turned 16, and I was having the time of my life. My best friend Jenny had a friend and his name was David. He was 21, and he was in university. He was blonde, blue eyed, tanned; just the sight of him stopped my heart. He was kind to me, but because of my age I was almost invisible to him.
I spent the summer at Jenny’s house, because my parents were out of the province. Just my luck Jenny had a pool; talk about an opportunity! David and his friends would come by to swim. (There is a smile on my face as I write this; I just thought you ought to know.) Jenny was aware that I liked David, so bless her heart she made sure that I was able to hang out with him. Sometimes he noticed me, but he was concerned about our age difference, therefore he would “make fun of me.” Throughout the summer I was becoming more determined to get him to like me.
One night Jenny, David, and I were hanging out; it was dinner time. I knew David would be going home soon, but I didn’t want him to. I offered to buy everyone pizza for dinner. Everyone agreed pizza would be a fabulous idea. I went to the bathroom to do a happy dance! While in the bathroom I heard David tell Jenny, “I wish she would just buy the pizza, and then leave.” My heart was broken. I stayed in the bathroom trying to figure out what to do next. Should I go out and confront him, or pretend I didn’t hear what he said? I decided that I would follow through with my promise. I would eat dinner, and then go home. I was wrong about David; he didn’t like me.
I came out of the bathroom and ordered the pizza. We decided to order ham and pineapple. I acted like I hadn’t heard what Meanie David had said, and tried to have a good time. The pizza arrived. We began to eat, but for some reason my pineapple kept falling off my pizza; I couldn't keep even one piece on my slice. Jenny was having no problems with her pineapple. However, Meanie David was also dropping his pineapple. For some reason we both notice that we were both dropping our pineapple and we found this hilarious. Our pineapple started dropping in sync; it was hopeless. It must’ve been magic pineapple because David started being nice to me! He even sat beside me, and his skin against mine was electric. I could’ve died right there.
Jenny and I continued to hang out with the David and the guys. He started paying attention to me! He was charming and sweet. I decided to make my move. I got all dressed up, and went over to his house. My intentions were to tell him that I had a massive crush on him. ( I am shaking my head as I write this.) He opened the door with a smile and welcomed me in. Good start. We made small talk for about an hour, as this is the first time we had been alone. My heart was pounding; what was I thinking? Here goes nothing:
(I totally remember this conversation…)
Me: I have to tell you something…
David: Really?
Me: I have a REALLY big crush on you. I mean I REALLY like you.
David: Wow… you are impatient aren’t you?
Me: What do you mean?
David: If you had waited a little longer I was thinking of asking you on date.
(OH MY GOD HE LIKES ME TOO!)
Me: How come you never told me!
David: I was going to…next week.
I did it! I did it! I did it! We talked for an hour. I don’t remember what we talked about. He walked me home and gave me a hug. Sometimes if I try really hard I can still feel that first hug.
I started to brag to my friends that a university guy was TOTALLY into me! I brought one of them to David’s house; you know to show off. He came to the door, and he looked good. He was dressed up, his hair was done, and he even smelled good. Score one for David on first impressions.
Me: Hi David
David: What are you doing here?
(What am I doing here? I am the love of your life remember?)
Me: I just thought that I would introduce you to my friend Lisa.
David: I am sorry; I can’t talk now. I have to go out.
Me: Where?
David: I have a date
(A WHAT? Are you kidding? I thought you liked me.)
Now this is where it gets sad….
Me: Can we just come in for a minute?
David: No
Me: I want to show Lisa your pool table; she has never seen one.
David: I doubt that is true.
Me: She comes from Antarctica, and they don’t have pool tables there. It is true…tell him Lisa!
Lisa: Okay let’s go Amy.
David: Bye Amy.
The door shut.
Lisa: Yup…he REALLY likes YOU!
Me: Shut up!
Needless to say I was in a foul mood for the rest of the day; poor Lisa. I made a promise that I would never see that jerk David again! The next day the gang was hanging out at the Jerk’s house. Jenny called and begged me to come over. After three calls I finally went over, but just to yell at him. When I got there they were playing pool, ouch! David comes up to me and tells me that he arranged last night’s date before my "confession of love", and he was sorry for embarrassing me in front of my friend. Just then the phone rang; it was his date from last night! He told her that he couldn’t talk, and then he came back to me!
For the rest of the summer he teased me like a brother would tease a little sister. I think that was mainly because David had understandable issues liking someone so much younger. We had a few dates, which were magical; he was always a perfect gentleman. On August 16 he asked me to be his girl friend. He was really nervous, and it was sweet.
It has been over 17 years; we have not been apart since that day. When he walks in the room my heart still does a flip, when he sits beside me there is still electricity. I don’t think I will ever love another man as much as I love David.
What seemed impossible to everyone else; was doable to me. I knew I would end up with David. He told me that he fell in love with me while we were eating the ham and pineapple pizza. If I had given up when my heart was breaking in the bathroom, which was my lowest point I would not have David today. That would be the biggest tragedy of my life, for no one loves me more than he does.
Whenever I think something is impossible I remember the story of how David and I fell in love:
It was the summer of 1990. I had just turned 16, and I was having the time of my life. My best friend Jenny had a friend and his name was David. He was 21, and he was in university. He was blonde, blue eyed, tanned; just the sight of him stopped my heart. He was kind to me, but because of my age I was almost invisible to him.
I spent the summer at Jenny’s house, because my parents were out of the province. Just my luck Jenny had a pool; talk about an opportunity! David and his friends would come by to swim. (There is a smile on my face as I write this; I just thought you ought to know.) Jenny was aware that I liked David, so bless her heart she made sure that I was able to hang out with him. Sometimes he noticed me, but he was concerned about our age difference, therefore he would “make fun of me.” Throughout the summer I was becoming more determined to get him to like me.
One night Jenny, David, and I were hanging out; it was dinner time. I knew David would be going home soon, but I didn’t want him to. I offered to buy everyone pizza for dinner. Everyone agreed pizza would be a fabulous idea. I went to the bathroom to do a happy dance! While in the bathroom I heard David tell Jenny, “I wish she would just buy the pizza, and then leave.” My heart was broken. I stayed in the bathroom trying to figure out what to do next. Should I go out and confront him, or pretend I didn’t hear what he said? I decided that I would follow through with my promise. I would eat dinner, and then go home. I was wrong about David; he didn’t like me.
I came out of the bathroom and ordered the pizza. We decided to order ham and pineapple. I acted like I hadn’t heard what Meanie David had said, and tried to have a good time. The pizza arrived. We began to eat, but for some reason my pineapple kept falling off my pizza; I couldn't keep even one piece on my slice. Jenny was having no problems with her pineapple. However, Meanie David was also dropping his pineapple. For some reason we both notice that we were both dropping our pineapple and we found this hilarious. Our pineapple started dropping in sync; it was hopeless. It must’ve been magic pineapple because David started being nice to me! He even sat beside me, and his skin against mine was electric. I could’ve died right there.
Jenny and I continued to hang out with the David and the guys. He started paying attention to me! He was charming and sweet. I decided to make my move. I got all dressed up, and went over to his house. My intentions were to tell him that I had a massive crush on him. ( I am shaking my head as I write this.) He opened the door with a smile and welcomed me in. Good start. We made small talk for about an hour, as this is the first time we had been alone. My heart was pounding; what was I thinking? Here goes nothing:
(I totally remember this conversation…)
Me: I have to tell you something…
David: Really?
Me: I have a REALLY big crush on you. I mean I REALLY like you.
David: Wow… you are impatient aren’t you?
Me: What do you mean?
David: If you had waited a little longer I was thinking of asking you on date.
(OH MY GOD HE LIKES ME TOO!)
Me: How come you never told me!
David: I was going to…next week.
I did it! I did it! I did it! We talked for an hour. I don’t remember what we talked about. He walked me home and gave me a hug. Sometimes if I try really hard I can still feel that first hug.
I started to brag to my friends that a university guy was TOTALLY into me! I brought one of them to David’s house; you know to show off. He came to the door, and he looked good. He was dressed up, his hair was done, and he even smelled good. Score one for David on first impressions.
Me: Hi David
David: What are you doing here?
(What am I doing here? I am the love of your life remember?)
Me: I just thought that I would introduce you to my friend Lisa.
David: I am sorry; I can’t talk now. I have to go out.
Me: Where?
David: I have a date
(A WHAT? Are you kidding? I thought you liked me.)
Now this is where it gets sad….
Me: Can we just come in for a minute?
David: No
Me: I want to show Lisa your pool table; she has never seen one.
David: I doubt that is true.
Me: She comes from Antarctica, and they don’t have pool tables there. It is true…tell him Lisa!
Lisa: Okay let’s go Amy.
David: Bye Amy.
The door shut.
Lisa: Yup…he REALLY likes YOU!
Me: Shut up!
Needless to say I was in a foul mood for the rest of the day; poor Lisa. I made a promise that I would never see that jerk David again! The next day the gang was hanging out at the Jerk’s house. Jenny called and begged me to come over. After three calls I finally went over, but just to yell at him. When I got there they were playing pool, ouch! David comes up to me and tells me that he arranged last night’s date before my "confession of love", and he was sorry for embarrassing me in front of my friend. Just then the phone rang; it was his date from last night! He told her that he couldn’t talk, and then he came back to me!
For the rest of the summer he teased me like a brother would tease a little sister. I think that was mainly because David had understandable issues liking someone so much younger. We had a few dates, which were magical; he was always a perfect gentleman. On August 16 he asked me to be his girl friend. He was really nervous, and it was sweet.
It has been over 17 years; we have not been apart since that day. When he walks in the room my heart still does a flip, when he sits beside me there is still electricity. I don’t think I will ever love another man as much as I love David.
What seemed impossible to everyone else; was doable to me. I knew I would end up with David. He told me that he fell in love with me while we were eating the ham and pineapple pizza. If I had given up when my heart was breaking in the bathroom, which was my lowest point I would not have David today. That would be the biggest tragedy of my life, for no one loves me more than he does.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Broken Promises
I broke my goal to Curves three times a week. I admit it; there are no secrets between us. I was supposed to go today with my two friends who keep me honest, but they went without me. (Now I am on the naughty list.) I went to the doctors instead. It was an interesting story…
Enter in my dog Simon who loves his rubber peppermint ball. He doesn’t know an appropriate place to leave his toys at night. He left his ball at the top of the stairs; maybe he thought it would be a convenient place to pick it up in the morning. It was early Monday morning last week; I got out of bed and headed downstairs. I didn’t make it down right-side-up. I slipped on the ball and went down on my bum. (Thump, thump, thump.) OUCH! Although I didn’t say ouch; I said some other four letter words that I have edited for content.
I went on with my week and I was sore, but I expected it. I even went to Curves, and gritted my teeth when the pain hit my tailbone. Then Saturday we decided to trim the house for Christmas. It is my job to put the lights on the tree. (To this day I don’t know how David got me to agree to that.) I was crouching up and down putting the lights on. I guess my bum wanted a time-out, because all the sudden I could not get up, and I could not sit down. Standing became my new favourite position, and lying down became the runner-up.
To make a long story short: I am not exercising for a couple of weeks until my tailbone heals.
As for Simon, he still leaves his ball where ever he pleases. I will take him for his walks, but they will be short and slow. He is urging me to hire a dog walker, but I think we should be in this together.
Enter in my dog Simon who loves his rubber peppermint ball. He doesn’t know an appropriate place to leave his toys at night. He left his ball at the top of the stairs; maybe he thought it would be a convenient place to pick it up in the morning. It was early Monday morning last week; I got out of bed and headed downstairs. I didn’t make it down right-side-up. I slipped on the ball and went down on my bum. (Thump, thump, thump.) OUCH! Although I didn’t say ouch; I said some other four letter words that I have edited for content.
I went on with my week and I was sore, but I expected it. I even went to Curves, and gritted my teeth when the pain hit my tailbone. Then Saturday we decided to trim the house for Christmas. It is my job to put the lights on the tree. (To this day I don’t know how David got me to agree to that.) I was crouching up and down putting the lights on. I guess my bum wanted a time-out, because all the sudden I could not get up, and I could not sit down. Standing became my new favourite position, and lying down became the runner-up.
To make a long story short: I am not exercising for a couple of weeks until my tailbone heals.
As for Simon, he still leaves his ball where ever he pleases. I will take him for his walks, but they will be short and slow. He is urging me to hire a dog walker, but I think we should be in this together.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Confessions of a Cheater
I have to confess to you all that I have cheated on a dear friend yesterday. It all started when my “check engine” light went on in my car. I took my white VW beetle in for repair like any responsible owner would. I thought it would be an easy fix, but it turned out to be a complicated three day job. Marsha (yes that is my car’s name.) was going to be in the shop until Friday. The folks at Volkswagen were so nice about the delay that they offered me a loaner car for my troubles. I took them up on their offer because I did have places to go and people to see. I got to the dealership and they gave me the keys to the loaner car, which was a new Jetta. What are the odds it was parked right next to Marsha? I actually felt guilt as I got into the loaner car. I looked over to my sweet little bug and I promised that I would return, and there is no other car that I loved more than her. (I said this in my head…thank goodness, but you get the idea.)
You see for as long as I can remember I have loved the VW beetle. I have always wanted one. When I got one; I said it was the only car I will ever drive from here on out. My next car is going to be a VW convertible beetle. It is the plan, and it is a solid plan. As long as VW makes them; I will buy them.
I am on my way to Langley which is 60 km from Chilliwack. I am running 45 minutes behind schedule. I get on the freeway, and give the Jetta a little gas…and I start to FLY! It is just me, my mp3 player, and the road! I am cruising at 160 km an hour and I don’t even notice. Whoops! I am alive and I know it is just a car, but I feel something as I drive down the freeway…freedom. I want this car! As much as I love Marsha she isn't able go this fast. (FYI- I did stop speeding, but for that few minutes that I was speeding it was heaven!)
After shopping with my dear friend Lara I headed for home. It took all the strength I had not to haul ass to Nova Scotia in the Jetta. I think I could have driven all night.
As I was driving I reflected on my stubbornness- all this time I had been limiting myself. I can be very narrow-minded in my thinking. I am not saying that is a totally bad thing, but it can inhibit me from experiencing more flavours of the world. As I was speeding down the highway I began to wonder what I have been missing out on? Now I want to go out and see how all the other VW cars measure up. (Hey I am still brand loyal.) I decided from here on out that I would open up my mind, and try new things... you know become adventurous.
As I pulled into my driveway (I did go home.) I also thought this: it is important to know that some things are "my absolute favourites" without a doubt. I made a list: My sweet daughter, she is one of a kind. I love her so much. Just her saying to me, “Good morning Mom,” in the morning completes my day. My husband, I already know that I have the best there is. He is an amazing man! My family…I don’t think I change them out anyway. My friends, they are each special to me, and can not be replaced. Lastly, Starbucks coffee- I tried other brands already, and I know that I am drinking the Cadillac of coffees, so why change?
As for Marsha and me we will be together for a long time. I am going to keep Marsha until she doesn’t want to run anymore. It still makes me happy to be in a little white bubble bouncing down the freeway. I liked the Jetta, but I LOVE not having car payments more.
You see for as long as I can remember I have loved the VW beetle. I have always wanted one. When I got one; I said it was the only car I will ever drive from here on out. My next car is going to be a VW convertible beetle. It is the plan, and it is a solid plan. As long as VW makes them; I will buy them.
I am on my way to Langley which is 60 km from Chilliwack. I am running 45 minutes behind schedule. I get on the freeway, and give the Jetta a little gas…and I start to FLY! It is just me, my mp3 player, and the road! I am cruising at 160 km an hour and I don’t even notice. Whoops! I am alive and I know it is just a car, but I feel something as I drive down the freeway…freedom. I want this car! As much as I love Marsha she isn't able go this fast. (FYI- I did stop speeding, but for that few minutes that I was speeding it was heaven!)
After shopping with my dear friend Lara I headed for home. It took all the strength I had not to haul ass to Nova Scotia in the Jetta. I think I could have driven all night.
As I was driving I reflected on my stubbornness- all this time I had been limiting myself. I can be very narrow-minded in my thinking. I am not saying that is a totally bad thing, but it can inhibit me from experiencing more flavours of the world. As I was speeding down the highway I began to wonder what I have been missing out on? Now I want to go out and see how all the other VW cars measure up. (Hey I am still brand loyal.) I decided from here on out that I would open up my mind, and try new things... you know become adventurous.
As I pulled into my driveway (I did go home.) I also thought this: it is important to know that some things are "my absolute favourites" without a doubt. I made a list: My sweet daughter, she is one of a kind. I love her so much. Just her saying to me, “Good morning Mom,” in the morning completes my day. My husband, I already know that I have the best there is. He is an amazing man! My family…I don’t think I change them out anyway. My friends, they are each special to me, and can not be replaced. Lastly, Starbucks coffee- I tried other brands already, and I know that I am drinking the Cadillac of coffees, so why change?
As for Marsha and me we will be together for a long time. I am going to keep Marsha until she doesn’t want to run anymore. It still makes me happy to be in a little white bubble bouncing down the freeway. I liked the Jetta, but I LOVE not having car payments more.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Who Are They?
This just happened no more than five minutes ago. I was in the kitchen with David while he was doing the dishes. We were discussing the merits of geometry. I hate geometry so much. I don’t know why it’s important to know how far a tree is going to cast its shadow at noon. (If you need to know about shadow casting for your profession or your hobby my apologies.) So our conversation went something like this:
Me: I am very good at math thank you very much.
David: Well...yeah but you sucked at geometry.
Me: Geometry is not math! You don’t need geometry for anything useful.
David: You need it for building bridges and things.
Me: When is the last time you built a bridge? Is there bridge building on your calendar next week and you forgot to it jot down?
David: No.
Me: See, geometry was a bloody waste of time. It was because they thought it would be a good idea to torture students.
David: Who are “they”?
Me: You know “them”. You know “those guys”. You know “they.”
David: Oh “THEY.” (Nodding his head; finally getting who “they” were.) I want to know “who” is passing on everything “they” say.
Me: Ooooo that is a good point. I wonder why what “they” say gets around so much…
When did “they” become so powerful, and who are “they”? I can’t remember them as a child, so I think “they” are fairly new to the scene. I am certain “they” were not around when I was five, because when I was wearing my green cord pants with my red and yellow top, and my Mary Jane's to round out my outfit I was not worried out what “they” would think.
Does anyone out there know who “they” are? Are they are group, a committee, a panel, or what?
I catch myself quoting them all the time…Well, “they” say this…and "they" say that...
I also buy into the dumb ideas “they” feed me… If “they” say citronella-yellow is the new black this season who am I to argue?
I also really care about what “they” think. If my house is a little messy I have to clean it because… What will “they” think if “they” see my house this way? I guess on a positive note “they” motivate me to keep my house clean.
Am I nuts? I don’t even know who “they” are. I find that I am not the only one who is victim to “they”. If you ask someone who “they” are, sometimes the person will tell you “they” are “everybody”. Wow I guess it is a committee!
In our society we have a bad case of “they-syndrome”. I have it too. I care too much what “they” think, and for the wrong reasons. If you are like me, and you have "they-syndrome" you can do the following things to break the cycle:
1. Stop spreading the word of what “they” say.
2. Stop caring about what “they” think
3. If you get invited to become a “them” or a “they”; decline and stay a “you”.
4. Don’t do things based on what “they” want you to do. This just encourages "them". Just be true to yourself. Trust me you will be much happier.
In the past I always thought that if I lost weight "they" would like me better, or "they" would accept me. What I have come to realize that "they" were always "me". I was the one criticizing my looks, my actions, or my beliefs. Now that I know my thinking was flawed I have to stand up and trust myself, love myself, and most importantly accept myself. It is time for me to start feeling good in my own skin. As for today, I am feeling okay. I am wearing a blue top and black pants that do not match. (My five year old self would be proud.) My hair isn't styled, because I am going to workout, and I am proud of myself. In the end that is all that matters.
Me: I am very good at math thank you very much.
David: Well...yeah but you sucked at geometry.
Me: Geometry is not math! You don’t need geometry for anything useful.
David: You need it for building bridges and things.
Me: When is the last time you built a bridge? Is there bridge building on your calendar next week and you forgot to it jot down?
David: No.
Me: See, geometry was a bloody waste of time. It was because they thought it would be a good idea to torture students.
David: Who are “they”?
Me: You know “them”. You know “those guys”. You know “they.”
David: Oh “THEY.” (Nodding his head; finally getting who “they” were.) I want to know “who” is passing on everything “they” say.
Me: Ooooo that is a good point. I wonder why what “they” say gets around so much…
When did “they” become so powerful, and who are “they”? I can’t remember them as a child, so I think “they” are fairly new to the scene. I am certain “they” were not around when I was five, because when I was wearing my green cord pants with my red and yellow top, and my Mary Jane's to round out my outfit I was not worried out what “they” would think.
Does anyone out there know who “they” are? Are they are group, a committee, a panel, or what?
I catch myself quoting them all the time…Well, “they” say this…and "they" say that...
I also buy into the dumb ideas “they” feed me… If “they” say citronella-yellow is the new black this season who am I to argue?
I also really care about what “they” think. If my house is a little messy I have to clean it because… What will “they” think if “they” see my house this way? I guess on a positive note “they” motivate me to keep my house clean.
Am I nuts? I don’t even know who “they” are. I find that I am not the only one who is victim to “they”. If you ask someone who “they” are, sometimes the person will tell you “they” are “everybody”. Wow I guess it is a committee!
In our society we have a bad case of “they-syndrome”. I have it too. I care too much what “they” think, and for the wrong reasons. If you are like me, and you have "they-syndrome" you can do the following things to break the cycle:
1. Stop spreading the word of what “they” say.
2. Stop caring about what “they” think
3. If you get invited to become a “them” or a “they”; decline and stay a “you”.
4. Don’t do things based on what “they” want you to do. This just encourages "them". Just be true to yourself. Trust me you will be much happier.
In the past I always thought that if I lost weight "they" would like me better, or "they" would accept me. What I have come to realize that "they" were always "me". I was the one criticizing my looks, my actions, or my beliefs. Now that I know my thinking was flawed I have to stand up and trust myself, love myself, and most importantly accept myself. It is time for me to start feeling good in my own skin. As for today, I am feeling okay. I am wearing a blue top and black pants that do not match. (My five year old self would be proud.) My hair isn't styled, because I am going to workout, and I am proud of myself. In the end that is all that matters.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
December Goals
For those of you that know me know that I am a goal freak. I can turn anything into a goal; I will find a way. As you know it is the start of the month…well I am a little late, but close enough. I have decided to write down my goals for the month of December. I will become accountable to myself and everyone who reads this blog. Damn, December is a really tough month…ugh. January would be better. Suck it up buttercup:
In December according to various Google sites the average American gains 7 – 10 pounds during the holidays. So I plan to go in the opposite direction.
My December weight loss goal is to lose 8.5 pounds.
Exercise is very important so here it goes:
Curves 3 times a week
Yoga once a week
Two one hour walks
Food is pretty much taken care of for me, but I still have trouble getting down water so my goal is:
Drink 64oz of water daily.
Sorry my post is so short today, but I am off to Curves, and I have to go make an excel spread sheet (of course). Thank you all for watching my back!
In December according to various Google sites the average American gains 7 – 10 pounds during the holidays. So I plan to go in the opposite direction.
My December weight loss goal is to lose 8.5 pounds.
Exercise is very important so here it goes:
Curves 3 times a week
Yoga once a week
Two one hour walks
Food is pretty much taken care of for me, but I still have trouble getting down water so my goal is:
Drink 64oz of water daily.
Sorry my post is so short today, but I am off to Curves, and I have to go make an excel spread sheet (of course). Thank you all for watching my back!
Monday, December 3, 2007
Snow
My first roommate loved Christmas. It was a good thing that we were poor and could not have afforded a fake tree, or I would have been forced to trim that sucker in September! When she moved out she did get a fake tree. I bet her $100.00 that she could not keep it up all year long. She happily took me up on the wager. I almost lost the bet, but due to personal reasons she had to take the tree down in March. If $100.00 hadn’t been worth a million dollars to me back then I might have paid her for her effort. If I see her this year I will make the bet again, and who knows? Don’t misunderstand me I like Christmas; I would just like to decorate for Christmas later than Halloween.
However, the other thing my roommate loved was snow. As soon as the colder weather fell upon us I would wake up to hear her humming “Let it Snow” in the kitchen. Maybe it was because of her passion or her love for snow, but I found myself liking snow a very small amount. I started to appreciate the first snow flakes falling on the ground. I liked it when we would go out onto the balcony, and catch snow flakes on our tongues. Sometimes we would walk around the neighbourhood just as it was starting to snow. It wasn’t it all bad.
My fondness for snow was very short lived. I would start humming “Let it rain”. I hate to give you the impression that I am insensitive but I have reasons. We did not have any transportation at the time. This meant that we had to take bus to work and school everyday. Waiting for the bus in a skirt in freezing temperatures was bad enough, but sometimes the bus would just drive by without stopping! For those of us who live in the lower-mainland where I live; can tell you waiting sixty minutes for a bus is no fun! It also meant that the roads were icy and therefore slippery, which always meant a few bruises on my tailbone from falling on ice. Snow also gets dirty really quickly; it goes from pure white to dirty brown, and who wants to look at that? In my opinion snow makes easy things complicated.
What is the point of my rant? Well this weekend I experience one of the biggest snow dumps of my recent memories. Yesterday it snowed about a foot and half. Now for those of you that live further east; I know what you’re thinking…”What is the big deal? It snows that much over lunch.” I sat here yesterday pissed off at the snow, because I could not go for my daily walk. It was snowing so heavy that I couldn’t see through the snow. I did venture outside to see if I could go for a romantic walk with David, but it was useless. More importantly I had an appointment today with my surgeon who did my lap-band, but I think his office decided to close up shop. Now I have to wait to get a fill*. Maybe I am the only one who has issues with snow, and the rest of you are humming along with my roommate.
I decided that I am moving somewhere warm. What is the point of venting if you don’t do anything about it? I can’t move for another ten years or so, because it wouldn’t be fair to Holly. I will wait until she moves out; then David and I are heading for the sun and surf. While you all are making snow angels I will be making sand angels. I can withstand all the snow dumps Chilliwack throws at me if I know that it won’t be forever.
To my sweet roommate: I love your Christmas spirit and thank you for not giving up on me as a grinch. Each December when I trim my house and hang my outdoor lights I think of you and smile. I could have never asked for a better friend.
Below is a picture of David and me at Newport Beach in California. Look how happy we are with the sunshine around us. (David: you are gorgeous~ I love you so much!) This picture
However, the other thing my roommate loved was snow. As soon as the colder weather fell upon us I would wake up to hear her humming “Let it Snow” in the kitchen. Maybe it was because of her passion or her love for snow, but I found myself liking snow a very small amount. I started to appreciate the first snow flakes falling on the ground. I liked it when we would go out onto the balcony, and catch snow flakes on our tongues. Sometimes we would walk around the neighbourhood just as it was starting to snow. It wasn’t it all bad.
My fondness for snow was very short lived. I would start humming “Let it rain”. I hate to give you the impression that I am insensitive but I have reasons. We did not have any transportation at the time. This meant that we had to take bus to work and school everyday. Waiting for the bus in a skirt in freezing temperatures was bad enough, but sometimes the bus would just drive by without stopping! For those of us who live in the lower-mainland where I live; can tell you waiting sixty minutes for a bus is no fun! It also meant that the roads were icy and therefore slippery, which always meant a few bruises on my tailbone from falling on ice. Snow also gets dirty really quickly; it goes from pure white to dirty brown, and who wants to look at that? In my opinion snow makes easy things complicated.
What is the point of my rant? Well this weekend I experience one of the biggest snow dumps of my recent memories. Yesterday it snowed about a foot and half. Now for those of you that live further east; I know what you’re thinking…”What is the big deal? It snows that much over lunch.” I sat here yesterday pissed off at the snow, because I could not go for my daily walk. It was snowing so heavy that I couldn’t see through the snow. I did venture outside to see if I could go for a romantic walk with David, but it was useless. More importantly I had an appointment today with my surgeon who did my lap-band, but I think his office decided to close up shop. Now I have to wait to get a fill*. Maybe I am the only one who has issues with snow, and the rest of you are humming along with my roommate.
I decided that I am moving somewhere warm. What is the point of venting if you don’t do anything about it? I can’t move for another ten years or so, because it wouldn’t be fair to Holly. I will wait until she moves out; then David and I are heading for the sun and surf. While you all are making snow angels I will be making sand angels. I can withstand all the snow dumps Chilliwack throws at me if I know that it won’t be forever.
To my sweet roommate: I love your Christmas spirit and thank you for not giving up on me as a grinch. Each December when I trim my house and hang my outdoor lights I think of you and smile. I could have never asked for a better friend.
Below is a picture of David and me at Newport Beach in California. Look how happy we are with the sunshine around us. (David: you are gorgeous~ I love you so much!) This picture
was taken five days before my surgery.
*Fill: You need to have restriction around your stomach to feel full. As you lose weight the band becomes loose, and needs to be tightened. When you lose restriction you have a harder time losing weight, because you don’t feel full as easily when the band was tight. To tighten the band the doctor injects saline into the band. The procedure does not hurt and is not dangerous; it is necessary for the lap-band to keep doing its job
Footnote: I called my doctor this afternoon and he was in fact open, so I did get my fill after all. This has made me very happy.
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